When its hard to stand on my own

There are times Lord when I feel like I can't keep moving forward in the way you have asked me too.  I feel lonely and defeated.  I feel like giving up, tossing in the towel and calling it done!  I don't feel that I have the strength needed to carry on any longer.  I'm only one person.  I don't get the response I need, I don't feel loved back.  My faith isn't enough to carry it all on.  There are times I want to run and hide.  To walk away and move on.  But I have found that when I get down and out feeling all those things, and questioning are the very moments that I oddly enough feel the strongest.  The moments I can stand up again and keep moving forward.  The moments that I feel strong in my faith and don't want to give up.  Those are the moments that You bring me through.  Those are the moments that you give me the words to say, the thoughts to carry out the next action.  The moments that you carry me in your hands as you are with me during each trial, or storm that I find myself in.  Those are the moments that you are not far, you are there, listening and helping me stand strong to carry on the right things that should be.  Thank you so much Lord.

Second Chances

I have recently discovered that sometimes God gives us second chances to do the hardest thing....the right thing with the strength and power to do it out of love, kindness and forgiveness.  What an amazing blessing.

Doing the right thing is always the hardest.  Expressing to some one how sorry you are, or admitting a wrong doing, or loving a difficult person just as they stand before you.

I know that during those times of challenge I'm not alone.  I know this because there is usually a small part of me fighting against the right thing to do or is hesitant and struggles with it.  I know that the struggle is overcome with the love of Christ as he assists me in doing what is right and should be done for His Glory.

Thank you Lord for always being there.
Thank you Lord for never giving up on me. (and the ones I hold close to my heart)
Thank you Lord for second chances.....

Thanksgiving 2011

Grandma sitting on Karlee's lap

Kyle playing video games

My cute little mommy and me

Sara is almost as tall as Grandma

3Generations

My Grandmother

Grandpa and his butterfly (when Grandpa is around Sara is stuck to him like glue)

I love my Grandmother

and her little dog too.   This is Carmen.

It was nice to visit with my family.  We had a full house on Thanksgiving day.  My family and Dillon's Grandparents and his little brothers and sister.  We had a nice dinner but my poor husband didn't come down stairs to eat with us.  He was in bed sick with walking pneumonia.  My mom's visit was good but it seemed it went to fast.  There was one sad part to my mom's visit, we packed up my grandmother to head to El Paso TX with my mom and Larry.  My grandmother has lived in Flagstaff for 31 years.  She has been lonely since my Grandpa Melo died almost two years ago.  It was hard to say good-bye but I know she is ready for a new chapter in her life and she will be with my mom, so its all good. 

A Make Over

The other day I spent the whole day with my oldest daughter Karlee.  We had so much fun.  We didn't really do much but there were lots of laughter, giggles, smiles and hugs throughout the day.  Later in the evening she asked if she could do my hair and makeup.  So I guess you could say she gave me a little mini make over.  I loved what she did with my hair and the colors of eye shadow she picked were nice too.  I was beaming inside and outside with happiness.  Little did my daughter know what she actually gave me....sure the make over was fun but spending the time with her, talking and just hanging out was more than I could have asked.  Also she brought to life again the "real me".  I almost felt like a teenager again.  The me that should be happy with who I am now.  To be happy with how I look now and not to dwell on what I looked like before.  I think as woman we struggle with this at times.  Heck its not like a model or actress or something...I'm simply me.  A mom, wife, daughter, friend and a child of God.  How else should I look?  I know just the way God created me!

The Little Things

This weekend was a long weekend with the kids since they were out of school on Friday.  It wasn't a bad weekend at all.  In fact there were times that no one was in the house but me.  My husband is still out of town.  The two teenagers in the house were gone most of the weekend.   Saturday Sara and I spent most of the day together.  Today is Sunday and I only have the younger two home until later today.

Since there were moments that I was by myself or with one or two kids only I really noticed the little things around me that makes me smile.  It was nice to have some one on one time with my youngest daughter.  She makes me laugh with her constant little chatter at times.  She had such a great time running for Girls on the Run.  She was so proud of herself.  Her smile so big and the excitement in her in voice.  I was very proud of her too.

Last night Kyle, Sara and I watched some shows on Netflix and Kyle was sitting at the foot of my bed and I looked at him and stared for a bit.  He is into spiking his hair up in the middle of his head like a mohawk latley.  I asked him if he likes his hair that way and he said yes.  He asked me why and I said I was just wondering.  I couldn't help but smile real big as I looked at him (wondering what he was going to be like or look like in a few more years as he enters into his teenage years)

Little things like making quesadillas and watching a movie together.  Sara asking if she could sleep with me since Micah was still out of town.  There were many more throughout the weekend.  Its nice to stop and look at the little things that go on around me, I enjoy the smile and joy it brings to me.  It helps me take a "break" from things and enjoy the moment at that time (it helps things to keep moving forward).

We only have so much time with each other. I'm thinking that we should focus more on loving each other and not perfecting one another with expectations that can't be reached because we are not perfect. ( and never will be)  We should focus more on the fruits of the spirit with each other especially while we are still able to be a  family under one roof.  Things will change as the kids grow and move on into life on their own.

Despite all the ups and downs in my family, with my children, and husband, I love them all so much.  I love the little things and hold on to them dearly.

It was a quite weekend with not too much going on but it was filled with so much more at the same time.  Thank you Lord, for shedding light on the little things which bring great joy.  Thank you for slowing down my weekend to enjoy my weekend with my children.  Thank you for reminding me of how time goes fast therefore we should focus on love, kindness, forgiveness, and joy.  (and leave the changing to you)

Loving the little things......

Quiet Thoughts

This weekend is looking like a quiet, not much to do type of weekend.  The kids are going to be busy here and there.  My husband isn't coming home until sometime next week.  That really leaves me left to my own quite thoughts.  Most of the time I enjoy and look forward to quite moments without the kids.  Moments without much to do so that I can read a book.  Quite times to sit down and write on my blog.  But lately it seems that I've had so many quite moments and more to come that I don't know what to do with them.  I know that might not make sense.

My mind has been so full of so many things that its one of those times again that I can't get a thought out to write about much less focus on one thought to think about or to even dismiss it and move to the next.  Even now as  I try to write something that makes sense to see where God is in this moment I can't, my mind goes from now to past to present to future and all around again.  There are some thoughts of fear, unknown and worry and concern.  There are some thoughts of happiness and excitement. 

I have found lately when I get frustrated or tired of trying to ponder I get busy.  I start to find something to do.  Make homemade soup, wash the dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher, make pumpkin bread and drizzle a warm frosting over it, look forward to walking the dogs in the cool crisp air instead of dreading and rushing them to go potty. 

I see....I think I've figured it out while writing this right now....maybe my direction or perspective has been altered a little to sort of  "get back into life".  Maybe there have been times when I have felt like nothing I do is right....times when I try and try and try so hard to "be" for someone else.  Times when I've pulled back some because I'm tired of trying to do things in my own strength.  Moments when I want to hide and shut out the world.  Moments that I want to capture and cherish and last, moments to be perfect.  Times when things always work out and there are smiles, joy and laughter at the end.

Maybe I need to just "do" and "be" and let God handle the rest.  I need to enjoy doing the things I do for others, like my family.  Before you know it the kids will be grown and out of the house and I won't have the opportunities I have to talk with them while I take them here and there for this and that. 

The other day my husband said something to me that really bothered me and it lead to a luke warm conversation that could have gotten really heated. He said that I wasn't a doer, that he was and that I just liked to sit and watch.  That put me on the defense.  This could lead into another blog entry but I will try to pull out what I can apply here in this one.  I've been so worried about how things should be, or look that I've in some respects sat down and stopped doing.  There are times I'm quick to call on what someone else isn't doing and I really need to look at myself .  Granted there is only so much I can do and should do before God is there doing what is in his power and not mine. 

I fear I've rambled on and have lost any chance of making this make sense to others who may read this but oddly enough it has helped me with my quiet thoughts.  My "quite thoughts" were not so quite after all.

Thankfulness

What am I thankful for?

Simply that I'm a child of God.

Thankful that I turned my life over to him because I don't know how I would live in this world without Him.

I have family visiting and looking forward to this week with them.  I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with their family and friends.

Happy Thanksgiving! 

A Fun Family Filled Weekend

Micah has been so busy lately.  He has worked all weekend after weekend and back and forth to Camp Verde and Flagstaff.  He text me one day last week and told me that we all we going to the NAU game.  I was excited that we would get to take the kids.  We had a great time.  Sara was the loudest out of the kids.  It was so cute for awhile, everything that Micah shouted out, she did.  She was quite the little cheer person.  Prior to the game we enjoyed some hang out time and food with a few of his friends from Sherman Williams Paint Store.  Sherman Williams puts on a great tailgate party and provides the tickets for us to enjoy the game.

Sunday we got up early and headed to Phoenix for the State Fair.  It was everyone's first time going except for Micah and Dillon.  It was the last day of the Fair and they were going to have free admission and an RV demolition derby.  Micah was excited for the derby, the kids were excited for the rides and I was excited that it was another day of fun with my family.

We got to Phoenix and ate lunch at Apple Bees and then headed to the Fair with our sweatshirts for later, a little draw string bag on each of our backs with a water bottle and we were set!  I'm not much for rides that make you dizzy and flips you up and all over the place but I went on a few.  The kids paired off, the boys and the girls and then Micah and I.  There were so many people, it was crazy.  The lines were extremely long which made it a little frustrating to ride the rides because you had to wait so long.  But despite all the waiting and the people everyone had a good time and rode the rides they wanted too. 

Micah was disappointed about the RV demolition derby.  There were not very many RVs left so it made for a very boring derby.  The highlight and what I actually enjoyed bunches were the big trucks!  They were awesome and so much fun to watch.

We finally left the Fair around 8:30 p.m., it was a long day and we all were very tired and hungry.  We hadn't eaten since lunch.  We went to Wendy's grabbed some food and headed home.  The kids finished a movie in the van and then they went to sleep.  Micah was a little stressed by the time made it home since we hit snow and icy roads as entered Flagstaff.  We made it home safe and sound around midnight.

On Monday morning it was hard getting the kids up and ready for their day but they managed.  Micah and I hung around the house and enjoyed the cold, snowy weather being lazy....napping, movies etc.  It was nice.


I'm extremely thankful for a great weekend with my family.

This is the Sky Flyer ( a big swing) and I did this one with Micah.  It took me a few moments to relax and enjoy the ride.

Sara really like this ride (she went by herself cuz mommy is a wimp)