A Writing of Love

There is just something about writing a note to someone.  It leaves me with such a good feeling.  Like I'v accomplished something for the day.  A note is so full of love and more rewarding than an email or a text message. 

A note is cherishable.  I'm thankful for the moments that God allows me to take to write out notes of love, friendship & encouragment.  Thank

Humility, Forgiveness & Love

Really saying what's in my head.......

Wow don't know where that came from.  Oh wait it came from me...wait did I really say that...I thought that was in my head for my viewing & hearing only.....ooops.

So last night Micah was messing around and teasing me.  He also was saying random, crazy, senseless, inappropriate things at the time too.  He was acting like a teenage boy I know that looks like him....Anyways you get the idea.

For the most part I just usually roll my eyes and ignore him but I had enough apparently.  Micah had made a comment at one point in the evening saying that the alochol was loosening his mouth up and the things that he normally keeps in his head were just spilling out.

Anyways I was making popcorn on the stove and I lost it!  Emotionally lost it!  I let the hurt show in my voice and the tears that had been held in for so very long were now being unleashed slowly  hand the "words that had ben in my head" lately came spouting out too.  Expressing my true feelings and state ofmind lately in regards to my relationship with my husband.

I simply spoke the truth "I tell you I love you all time.  I tell you I appreciate you and I hug and kiss on your when it annoys you...Can you just show me in your words & actions that you love me?"  Then I brought up what he was like before when we dated years ago....well I knew better and shouldn't have went down that road---after he spoke his next comment that is when the tears rolled down my face and I got so frustrated with him.

Seriously he went down the road of how I was physically different compared to now...

He walked away and went upstairs.  I finished making my popcorn and wiping my eyes.   I sighed deeply and felt bad.  I didn't want to get upset and have him move further away from me....

I headed upstairs with a yummy bowl of buttery popcorn.  I put it down on my dresser when I got into the room and went to Micah.  I hugged him and I told him that I was sorry.  I was sorry for expressing my thoughts that I know hurt him and make him feel like "see no matter what I do its not good enough"  and that I didn't want him to feel bad and that I love him no matter what and that I know he loves and cares for me in his own way and taht I didn't want to push us further away from drawing closer to eachother.  I'm sorry.

I felt his arms tighten around me and I know by the change in his face and his arms he felt bad and was sorry too. (it was like scolding a child or re-directing him)

He said he was sorry too and I saw the gently kindness in his eyes.

(we shared popcorn and watched a movie)

Today I shared

Today I shared in the Ladies Bible Study.  I was a little nervous but apparently I pulled it off alright, according what others said so that is good.  I actually enjoyed sharing quite a bit.  I realized afterwards that talking about something that you have a passion for is not really hard to express to others.  So below is my outline that I used to share I thought I'd share it with you here too.

When I think about my prayer life, I try to think about all the things that I’ve done to make it what it is.  But I can’t take credit for it.  Yes, I make the time in the morning to sit down on my couch with a cup of coffee and my bible and my journal.  Yes, I write in my prayer journal and look to scripture for wisdom and comfort but I don’t think its me doing all that on my own.  Its God.  I think all the tools that we learn to help us with our prayer life are great and very helpful.  (I have come to really enjoy my prayer cards)  But I think the turning point in my prayer life was when I totally surrender to God and his ways.  When I became so desperate, in that helplessness part of my life…..the moment I wanted to give up on what he had placed in my life to call it my life….my family…my marriage…etc.

It was that moment when I gave it to him….when I surrendered when prayer life came to “life”…when I could hear his voice and feel his guidance and know when he burdened my heart to pray for the needs that he placed there.

I don’t know where I would be if I was on my own….it wouldn’t be good.  But its because of surrender that has lead me into my dependence on the Lord and to have the prayer life I have.

I do use a journal.  I use index cards….I talk to Him many times during the day…..All this to say is that I think because of my helplessness….desperation and surrender to the Lord that is why I can’t go a day without praying….having a conversation with the Lord in order to take a step daily into this world with all that I find myself in.  I can’t do life without him or praying.

Praying brings peace and hope and most of all a closeness to God.

Surrendering is the key to having a prayer life.  The moment you totally give up and look upwards is the moment that you will have a prayer life that is not “planned out” that just happens with your Lord and Savior.

My prayer life and the constant looking for the joys and blessings in my life are the only things I find that helps me each day in every moment in this world….in all my trials and storms of life.

Surrender leads to thankfulness….you will always have something to be thankful for in your prayers.

(Share a couple of examples of pray being answered)

 

Now when it came to share some examples I wasn't sure what to say so I talked with my a very good friend/mentor of mine and she really helped.  Basically prayers are usually not answered in this big huge eye opening thing that you can't but help notice.  Instead its in the little things that God answers our prayers and he meets us right where we are in our life.  It's wonderfully amazing and comforting that He does this.  And she also helped me see how He has answered my prayers with my step-son and in my marriage.  God has given me so much grace to handle all the little and big moments in my life, the peace that I feel in the midst of it all is a God given gift.  Thank you so much Lord.  I can't do it on my own and you are there.

Parent Moment 2-17-14

I was so tired yesterday and I sort of didn't feel good.  I didn't want to go here and there after work with this kid and then here with the other, but I did because that is part of my "mom job".  So it's around 8:00 pm and I'm sitting in the church parking lot waiting for Karlee to come out from youth worship team practice and I look at my phone and I had a message.  Sara sent me a message.  She was in the bath tub when I had left.  It was a picture of her wrapped in a towel fresh and clean with wild wet hair and a silly smile on her face.  I couldn't help but laugh and smile to myself.  That little moment gave me a little burst of energy to wait a little longer for Karlee and then make it home to put my jammies on and relax.  I'm thankful for the little things.

Parent Moment 2-16-14

As uncomfortable and cautious I feel about Karlee having a boyfriend in high school I couldn't help myself but to bounce on her bed with joy and a smile to ask her how was the movie and ask a bunch of questions almost like a teenager myself.

Then it was nice to go down stairs and have breakfast toghter-yogurt, fruit and muffins.  We sat and talked a little more on the serious note of things but still keeping it light.  She responded well, we teased and laughed too.  A nice way to start my day with my beautiful daughter.

Seasons of Life

It's crazy how quickly you can move in and out of different seasons of your life.  My new season seems to be in the parent department with older teenagers and their next stage of growing and being responsible and of me being more quite and doing more in my actions than talking.  Its hard and I'm struggling.

I think I'm going to start posting under the heading called Parent Moments.  I have recently grabed a notebook over these last couple of days to jot down some of the moments that have gone on during the day with my kids.

 Here is the first Parent Moment 2-15-14

My son is changing and growing so fast.  He will 14 on the 23rd of this month (Feb).  I see the changes in his face, when he talks (his voice squeeks and cracks) and in his feet-he needs new shoes.  Also by the way he thinks and talks.  Lately he has been kind-I mean has shown kindness and concern and thoughtfulness.  He asks me how my day was.  He remembered I had a job interview the other day and sent me a message asking me about it.

At the same time he has shown me that I need to back off and let go some.  Like last night he was gathering his stuff up for his boy scout camping/hiking trip.  He was frustrated with finding his stuff-I finally realized it was best for me to walk away and let him figure things out. (it al turned out fine) And it became clear to me that I need to say something only once or ask only once and then walk away.  He has a brain, and a mouth to think, figure it out or ask for help.  So I went to relax and watch a movie with Micah and Kyle took care of what he needed.  Today/this weekend if he doesn't have what he needs-he will learn for the next time but in the end he will be alright-the situation will be fine and I will be quite.

Parent Moment

I really do talk to much, but its because I care and love so much.  But there are times when God is silent so I can learn and grow or fall down on my knees to reach out to him.  He puts me inmy place when he is diciplining me or moving me through a growing phase through my character.  I need to remember that with my own children and really look to my Heavenly Father as an example.

Parent Moment


Girls.  Girls are harder to deal with when trying to talk to them.  The way they think and feel with so much emotions (now I know how Micah feels when he and I are ina heated conversation or when he is dealing with me)  Karlee is at times the opposite of what I was when I was her age and it makes it hard to communicte with her.  I can only wonder what things will be like when my youngest daughter, Sara gets to be a teenager.....

Parent Moment

Parenting is such a long rollercoaster ride and I still don't like crazy rides!  But at lease I'm not alone on this ride- :) thank you Jesus.

It all comes down to trust.  Trusing god that he knows best for my children.  He has a plan for them.  He knows what deep water they need to be in and how to get them out.  He knows their hearts.  He knows!

Changes

Lately there have been a few changes around here.  I now have a new job to start on the 24th.  I will miss some things about Comfort Keepers but I'm ready to move on.  I'm now going to be a part time school aide for the Basis School here.  I'm not sure of all the details yet, other than mainly supervizing the kids at the school before school, at lunch and then some after school.

Micah really wants me to get a full time job.  I don't really want one, I enjoy being around for the kids.  I will however continue to find something else that is more like a part time secretary job or clerical at least but until then I will look forward to starting my new adventure as a school aide.  (it is two dollars more than what I was making at Comfort Keepers)

I may have to start missing Ladies Bible study on Tuesday mornings with this new job and all.  I'm trying not to think of it, I enjoy going and don't really not want to go....but I'll let God handle the details of my hearts desire.

This next week I'm working at my church while the secretary is out for the week.  I love working in the office at the church.  It's more than just doing the job, its talking to the people that come in and out.

My daughter, Karlee has a boyfriend (not so comfortable with it)

My little Sara bear is excited to start midddle school next year.

Kyle will be 14 on Sunday the 23rd and his voice is changing.

I'm in the season of life where my kids are growing up and changing and leaving me to learn how to really trust God and let go.  I can't always keep them protected but God can.

Micah is going to start tearing up the floor in the house to put in new wood flooring instead of having carpet....which means the house will be in a mess and stuff piled everywhere until its all done.

Psalms 18:2The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalms 62:6 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Always Psalms

I can take great comfort in knowing that when I'm mixed in side with so many thoughts or emotions I can always turn to the Psalms and find comfort and soothing peace for my soul.

Psalm 63

Here is a different version of it from a beautiful book that just helps to bring it closer to our understanding and easy to take to our hearts.  Psalms/Now by Brandt/Corita

Like a thirsty child raching for a drink,
I grasp for You, O God.
And I have found You.
I have sensed Your holy presence
in the worship service;
and in the hour of prayer
I have felt You to be near.
I realize now that Your love for me
is far better than life itself.

My heart is full of joy and contentment
My mouth is filled with praises for You.
Even the night hours are no longer lonely
as I contemplate Your tender concern for me.

The enemies of my soul still seek to betray me,
but they shall not snatch me out of Your hand.
And now that I have found You,
I shall be secure and happy forever.

The Ride of Life

 

This is what my little bed side table has looked like for weeks now....wait make that months.  There were more bottles but some come and go as I finish them.  I really don't like looking over there and seeing all that, it mostly makes me feel old and wondering what all that really is doing for my body long term.

 

 

Now I have this set on my dresser.  A new antibiotic that I will be taking for a month since I can't seem to get rid of the little infections that keep coming and the other is to add good bacteria back into my body and the cranberry helps with the discomfort of the on going UTI :(

 

I feel like I'm such a mess at times.  I still find myself getting frustrated even though I try real hard to rest in God knowing that he's got this.

 

Things have improved so I can't complain too much.

 

I still get tired at times.  My right side where my kidney is still bothers me some during the day but mostly by the end of the day, depending on what all I've done during the day.  Things keep moving forward each day so I'm grateful.

 

Life still goes on, dinner still needs to be cooked, groceries need to be bought, kids need to go here and there and everywhere.

 

Here lately my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride but I stop and take a few moments to get off the ride and talk to God and pray and breath in a little peace before dealing with the next dip on the ride.  (by the way have I ever told you that I don't like roller coaster rides)