Cutting All Ties

 A Necessary Step After a Breakup

I've decided to break all ties with my ex after some careful thought and recent conversations. This decision is about self-care and moving forward, not about being mean or petty.

No More Direct Communication

I have decided to stop contacting my ex directly. If I need to retrieve something from his house or communicate anything important, I will go through his mom. I plan to do this when he's at work or in Phoenix to avoid any chance of seeing him. This way, I can maintain a sense of distance and avoid unnecessary emotional turmoil.

Stepping Back from Social Media

Dealing with social media after a breakup in the digital age can be tough. Seeing my ex's posts on Facebook used to stir up a whirlwind of emotions. To protect my peace, I've made the decision not to like any of his posts anymore. Although I can't bring myself to block him just yet, I'm seriously considering taking a break from seeing his posts. Facebook offers an option to take a 30-day break from someone's updates, and I might just do that.

Letting Go Completely

The decision to end communication is not about holding onto negative emotions. It's about recognizing that he has moved on and that I need to fully let go. Maintaining any form of contact only slows down my healing process. By cutting off communication, I can concentrate on my own well-being, personal development, and future without being constantly reminded of the past.

Self-Care and Moving Forward

Cutting off contact with an ex can be an important part of taking care of yourself. It's crucial to recognize when someone is no longer a positive presence in your life and to take steps to protect your emotional well-being. Moving on from a breakup is a personal journey, and sometimes that journey requires tough decisions, such as cutting all ties.

In conclusion, cutting off contact with an ex can be a crucial step in the healing process. It allows you to focus on yourself and prevents past relationships from interfering with your future. While it’s not an easy step to take, it’s often a necessary one. Here’s to moving forward and embracing new beginnings.

A Nostalgic Visit for Craft Supplies

Today, I found myself driving to my ex's house to retrieve some totes full of craft supplies that I desperately need for an upcoming activity at work on Friday. The drive out there was reflective, my mind wandering back to the times we shared together.

As I parked my car and stepped out, I looked around the front yard. I was pleasantly surprised to see the plants I had once planted flourishing, a vivid testament to the care I had given them. Their revival brought a bittersweet smile to my face. I couldn’t help but capture a few photos, a small act of preserving those memories.

I walked around to the side of the house where the little building held my totes full of craft supplies. To my surprise, I hadn’t realized just how many totes I had accumulated. I laughed at myself – what can I say, I'm a crafty person! One by one, I loaded the totes into the back of my car, feeling a sense of accomplishment and a touch of nostalgia.

Before leaving, I went inside the house to grab a few more personal items. Each room held memories, some sweet and some a bit sorrowful, but it was a part of my journey. After gathering what I needed, I locked up the house and headed back to work, ready to channel my creative energy into the upcoming activity.

This visit was a mix of emotions, but it reminded me of the importance of embracing both the past and the present. Now, with my craft supplies in tow, I’m looking forward to creating something wonderful and fun.

Celebrating my 51st birthday on Mother's Day

Double the Fun!

This year, my 51st birthday was extra special because it landed on Mother’s Day. It was a weekend filled with joy, laughter, and cherished moments with my family and friends. The festivities kicked off with some yard games. Despite the weather turning a bit chilly, our spirits were high as we transitioned to indoor games, keeping the excitement alive. The house was filled with the sounds of laughter and lively conversations, creating a warm and joyful atmosphere.

We indulged in delicious food.  The joy of good food, paired with the company of loved ones, made for a truly memorable celebration. One of the highlights of my birthday was having all three of my kids together. Their visit, although quick, was filled with love and happiness. Seeing them together brought immense joy to my heart, and we made the most of every moment we had.

Mother's Day added an extra layer of sweetness to the day. I was able to spend some quality time with my mom, just the two of us, before she headed home. These moments of connection and conversation were deeply meaningful and added to the overall magic of the day. I love it when my family is together. Their presence fills me with gratitude and a profound sense of blessing. This birthday was perfect in every way, surrounded by the people who mean the most to me.

As I reflect on turning 51, I feel incredibly blessed and thankful for the love and joy that my family brings into my life. Here’s to more wonderful celebrations and cherished memories in the years to come! 

The Burden of Friendship

 A Heartfelt Reflection

Sometimes, I find myself questioning why I always answer when Benjamin calls. Our conversations don't bring me joy or fulfillment. It's more a sense of doing what is right, fueled by his insistence that I'm his only friend. But why do I feel compelled to be such a good friend, especially when it hurts, especially when Benjamin calls?

Our conversations usually revolve around his intoxicated attempts at humor, like a worn-out joke about being left unattended, yet again. We used to laugh about it and how Ben couldn't be trusted to stay out of trouble if left alone. His solo "parties" of drinking until he doesn't feel anything are harmless enough on the surface, but underneath, a troubling pattern of self-medication. 

But last night, Benjamin's call was different, he is scared and not sure about what steps he is taking forward. He talked about his job, moving to Phoenix, and being excited to be a father, how big his son is now, and even the name chosen. I wasn't surprised by any of it; I knew he'd do right by his new partner and their unborn child. Yet hearing it from him still stings. It's a bitter reminder of his evolving life since our break up.

He told me that at the end of this month, he will be getting married.  I struggled to find words and didn't say anything and my own emotions threatened to overwhelm me. I took a deep breath and managed a whispered acknowledgment of his apology, a feeble attempt to convey understanding amid my own turmoil.

When the call finally ended I was left feeling drained and emotionally spent. But then, a lifeline appears when I notice that Kevin is online and I reach out to him through a text message. Without needing to explain, his presence on the other end of the line offers solace, a sanctuary of shared silence and unspoken support. I value our long-lasting friendship over the years.

In those quiet moments, I'm reminded of the essence of true friendship. It's not about grand gestures or elaborate conversations. It's about being there in the silence, in the pain, in the moments when words fail us. It's about holding space for one another, offering comfort without expectation, and finding solace in each other's presence.

So, as I sit in the aftermath of Benjamin's call, I'm grateful for the bonds that sustain me, for the friends who anchor me in moments of uncertainty and sorrow. And though the burden of friendship may weigh heavy at times, it's a burden I carry willingly, knowing that in the depths of our connections, lie the seeds of healing and hope.

Reflections on Healing and Moving Forward

While driving to work this morning, the quiet hum of the car and the music playing in the background was interrupted by a sudden question in my mind: "If he loves her now, how could he have loved me for six years and then just stop, moving on as quickly as he did?" I spoke the question aloud, hoping that saying it out loud could provide clarity or closure. However, as the words hung in the air, I realized that there might not be any easy answers to such questions. Maybe it's not about finding definitive explanations but rather about navigating the maze of emotions that come with the end of a relationship.

After a breakup, it's natural for our minds to wander down paths lined with memories, doubts, and what-ifs. We replay moments in our heads, searching for signs we might have missed or clues that could have foretold the inevitable. But dwelling on the past can only take us so far; at some point, we must confront the present and chart a course for the future.

For me, these moments of contemplation are not signs of weakness but rather representations of the continual healing process. Like tending to a wound that refuses to fully heal, I acknowledge the pain, allow myself to feel it, and then release it into the ether. Each question asked, each reflection pondered, is a step forward on the path to self-discovery and self-redefinition.

Perhaps, in asking why love faded and hearts moved on, we are not seeking answers about others but rather insights into ourselves. Through the prism of past relationships, we catch glimpses of our own strengths, vulnerabilities, and desires. And as we sift through the debris of what once was, we uncover the raw materials with which to sculpt a new sense of self—a self shaped not by the actions of others but by our own resilience and introspection.

So, as I let go of the question that lingered in the air this morning, I do so with a sense of gratitude for the lessons it has taught me. For in the ebb and flow of love and loss, I am reminded that my worth is not defined by the affections of another but by the depth of my own self-awareness and the resilience of my spirit.

As I continue on my journey of healing and self-discovery, I carry with me the knowledge that endings are not conclusions but rather beginnings in disguise. And though I may never fully understand the intricacies of love and connection, I trust in the wisdom of my own heart with God to guide me toward a future filled with possibility and promise.

Navigating Emotional Waves

 Reflections on Love and Healing:

As I drove to work this morning, the melodies of Maggie Rogers' new album filled the car, wrapping me in a cocoon of emotions I wasn't prepared for. Unexpectedly, the music unearthed a wave of melancholy, reminding me of the raw edges of a heart still on the path to healing.

The journey through heartbreak can be chaotic, catching us off guard with its unpredictable twists and turns. Today, as tears threatened to spill, I felt the familiar urge to reach out to Benjamin and unleash the words I've held back for so long. But amidst the turmoil, I remembered the advice I'd imparted to my children: "You don't hate; you just don't like." At that moment, I realized that what I truly disliked was the lingering ache of a fractured heart, not Benjamin himself.

Being single, especially after investing so much love and devotion, feels like an unjust sentence. I yearn for the warmth of companionship, for someone to share in the mundane details of my day, someone who sees and cherishes the essence of who I am. It's a sentiment echoed by many who find themselves navigating the aftermath of a broken relationship.

Yet, despite the waves of emotion threatening to engulf me, I refuse to let them define me. It's been nearly a year since the fracture, and though the wound still stings, I've learned to recognize the fleeting nature of these moments. Like a passing storm, they arrive unannounced, stirring up memories and emotions long buried. But with each wave, I've grown adept at weathering the storm, allowing myself to feel, and then releasing the emotions that threaten to overwhelm me.

As I stepped out of the car and into the embrace of a new day, I made a conscious choice to leave the emotional turbulence behind. With a deep breath, I shifted my focus to the tasks awaiting me, channeling my energy into the present moment. Though the journey through heartbreak may be fraught with challenges, it's also a testament to resilience and growth. As I continue to navigate the twists and turns of love and healing, I'm reminded that each step forward brings me closer to a place of peace and wholeness.

Reflecting on Turning 51

Embracing the Journey of Self-Discovery

As I approach my 51st birthday next month, I find myself marveling at the whirlwind of experiences that have shaped the past year of my life. It's incredible how much can change in just one year.

Last year, I celebrated my 50th birthday with an amazing party surrounded by loved ones, feeling elated at reaching another milestone. However, just two months later, my world was turned upside down when my six-year relationship ended. The heartbreak was intense, and I found myself navigating the unfamiliar territory of being single once again and starting over in my own space.

The journey from that birthday to this upcoming one has been a rollercoaster of emotions, with ups and downs. Nevertheless, despite the challenges, I've been gradually moving forward, making progress towards healing and growth.

Although the wounds of a broken heart may take time to heal, I've been fortunate to receive an abundance of love and support from family and friends who have stood by my side through it all. Their presence has been a guiding light, illuminating the path as I navigate this new chapter of my life.

One source of unexpected inspiration has been my 78-year-old neighbor, who has been single for the past 24 years. Her resilience, independence, and zest for life serve as a constant reminder that it's never too late to embrace new adventures and pursue happiness on our own terms.

The holidays last year were different from the norm, as I found myself traveling alone and dealing with new challenges along the way. However, with each obstacle overcome, I discovered a newfound sense of strength and self-reliance.

As I've settled into my own space, I've grown to appreciate the freedom and independence that comes with living alone. My cozy home has become a sanctuary where I can be myself and enjoy the simple pleasures that bring me joy.

As my birthday, which happens to fall on Mother's Day this year, approaches, I wonder how I'll choose to celebrate this milestone. However, one thing is certain—I'm embracing this single journey with open arms, excited for the adventures that lie ahead, and grateful for each new day that I'm blessed with.