It is Well

Our days never go as we plan.  Its not something to think badly of if you sit and take a moment to reflect on your day, looking for the joys and blessings.  Its not easy at times but its not impossible.  Lately I haven't felt focused.  I can't really explain why, everything is fine.  As fine as my life is and can be I don't feel focused.  Its almost like I'm looking for something....for trouble or chaos.  I'm really not but I think there are times our old selves try to slip in at times.  My old self at times sadly thrived on turmoil....then I felt needed and that I had a purpose....but really being a mom will take care of that need.  But sometimes being a mom for example is harder than we think at the time.  Anyways I'm wandering in my thoughts.....

Its sort of an unsettling feeling when you feel like there is more and there really isn't.  I'm a mother of a 17 year old girl that I have discovered has a firm strength in how she thinks and what she expects...despite what the reality is really presenting itself.  There is only so much "talking" to her that I can do.  These days I can only pray and "talk" to God and leave it in his hands.  It doesn't take the struggle away that I try to keep holding onto...

It is well
It is well that things are as they are with my family.  My family is growing and changing.  My role as a mother seems to be a little different....a mom but then again a person that is just trying to speak into the lives of her children.

It is well that my 15 year old son is not going to church or youth group anymore since he has been living with his dad.  I remind myself that God has him on his own path.  I'm thankful for what I do see.....he surrounds himself with good friends, he is kind and hard working with what he enjoys doing like football.

It is well that my 12 year old daughter is going through that phase of going on 15!  Oh my!  Lord help me!  My curious, sweet hearted baby.....in the world taking it in as she learns to balance the world and her walk with Christ....goes to youth group but not Sunday school.

It is well that my husband works all the time.....I mean every single day. 

It is well that I'm struggling with going to church myself.

It is well that I'm where I'm at...right in this very moment....with Christ beside me, in all I do....never alone....always listening and always guiding me.

It is well with my soul

I do not want to look for "trouble".  But I do want to know how to react to it.  I continue to ask the Lord to always show me how to "react" to life as I live each day.

Its interesting what flows out of my thoughts at times...

I think I'm struggling with swaying where I'd like to see myself and family to be with where and what we are right now.  I feel this because its hard to be a parent at times.  Its hard to be me and a wife.  I do not fear even when my mind wanders to the past or if I try to drift into an old habit with my old self....I do not fear for I'm not far from the One who takes care of me and all my needs.

My Reliance on Him

"It is reliance on Him for His life and His power.  By faith we renounce any confidence in our own wisdom, willpower, and moral strength and rely completely on Him to supply the spiritual wisdom and power we need."  We rely on Him to enable us.  (The Transforming Power of the Gospel, Jerry Bridges)

I do not just sit back and wait for things to happen.  I walk in light of what Christ has for me.  Its often that I do not understand the path that I'm on but I remind myself that He does.  And He gently reminds me also, by reassuring me that He does know and that He gives me everything that I need to walk by faith in His light with His knowledge of each of my days, in all that goes on in my life, with my family and friends.

All this came about when I began to reflect on how I live my life despite all that has happened and will happen in it.  It isn't me....it's Christ through me that is living this life.  I'm so thankful that I do not walk alone in this world.  I'm so happy that I recommit my life to Him moment by moment, daily whispering to Him how I need Him.  I think I would have a hard time living life without relying on Him.

Vacation 2015

It's time to recap the brighter side of life when we recently went to El Paso TX to visit my family, at the beginning of this month (June).  Here is it at the end of June.  This month has gone by fast.  The memories hold strong for me right now, I really enjoyed my visit and didn't really want to leave.

I don't drink much soda, but there are days I crave a coke.  

Harper still remembers Sara.

This is Harper.  I had adopted him years ago when I was in Ft. Davis Tx.  When we moved we gave him to my ex-in laws.  He is such a sweet cute dog,.  I miss him but he has a good place with them.

We enjoyed a few hours with this kids grandparents (Scott's parents).  They are such great people.  We love them very much.  (Yes, we are missing Karlee, she couldn't make the trip)

Our time in Ft. Davis wouldn't be complete without having a picnic in the courtyard.

Nor would it be complete without seeing old close friends :)

Mom and enjoying a cup of French Pressed coffee out in her backyard.  I love those moments outside with her, our talks, our laughs.....

She looks deep in thought....but really she is just planning out her next Thirty One Gifts purchase lol !

Kyle and his friend Matt....creative entertainment...."couch ball"

The young teaching the old about her iphone 6 

Summer & Flips they go together quite nicely

Kyle & football.....always has a football in his hand.  

Swimming on our "stay cation"  Mom got a suite for the night so we could hangout and relax by the pool.  The kids were in for 4 hours straight!

Mom & I

I will always be her little Trina Marie and she will always be my Mommy :)

Enjoying watching the kids in the pool

Grandpa Larry & Sara

Larry & my mom's latest project...rebuilding an old truck

Look I tall Kyle is!

Kyle, fun in the sun with is best friend Matt.

Not sure what the rest of the summer will bring, but I'm sure there will be more joy, laughter, fun and memorable moments...until then I'm taking one moment at a time.

Words Spoken

The other night I was hanging out with a friend and we were talking about so many different things. She is at a hard place right now with her life.  As we were talking I felt confident enough to speak the words "despite it all I'm happy and okay with where things are at with my husband and I at."  Over a time I have come to an acceptance of where I am at with my life.  I have mentioned this to two other people, spoke with the same confidence and walked away feeling just fine with it.....encouraged and hopeful.

Not this time, there was something different and I wasn't quite sure that I felt it but a quick feeling of uneasiness washed over me.  It seems that the moment those words were spoken they took on a different task.  A task of testing....

I didn't realize that my simple act of kindness towards my daughter was going to lead my husband to a strong irritation.  Words were spoken calmly but firmly with strong feelings that left me feeling confused and frustrated.  It bothers me how I can see where grace should be given and then I'm able to give it but to understand how a person can be graceless and live graceless is hard to wrap my thoughts around.

I found myself walking away, not wanting to fight and went outside on the balcony to weep silently while I gathered myself so that I could go into the next moment and finish out the evening so a new day could start. The moments prior to shut eye were silent, but begging silently for understanding.

I can't fix or change his mind other than to continue to live out my life through Christ.  Christ is my rock.  This morning I feel a little sad inside, almost as if I'm grieving the raw emotions that I have inside again.  I can't help but look down and notice that skirt I picked out today.....is black.

Through tired swollen eyes I step forward, looking upward to the only hope I have that is consistent in my life.  I hope you have a blessed Sunday and enjoy moments with dads and loved ones.  I'm going to call my dad and step-dad.....

Broken

Micah & Karlee
(step-father & step-daughter) an awkward relationship

I had started this post a few weeks ago.....there isn't much to add other than the word "broken".  I wish it wasn't this way but it is and it will probably will be for a long time. I can only ask that the Lord will place peace and kindness in the path.

Refresh & Regroup

The last couple of days have been rough on my emotions.  Jane and I took her parents to the duck pond....I had no idea how the view, the little breeze, and walking was going to invite the presence of the Lord with me.  Moments before going to the duck bond I had cried, my eyes felt a little raw and my smile was turned upside down.  I soon found myself refreshed and ready to live in the next moment.  After that little outing with Jane's parents it seemed to set the rest of the day with more beauty, sunshine and peace.  The sunshine actually came in the form of my youngest daughter, Sara.  She has always been a little ray of sunshine, you can't help but want to smile and start again.  I'm very grateful for how my day turned out.  The Lord took me and my troubled heart and lead me down a refreshing path to find peace and hope again, resting on His shoulder as we went along.

A breath taking view.  Perfect to take in deeply and let all I see consume me at that moment.

Hi little ducky!

My day had been cloudy but then a ray of sunshine appeared!

Add caption

We now have a new feature added to our view.  Micah bought a flag the other day...I like the addition to our view as we walk in and out of the house.