It is Well

Our days never go as we plan.  Its not something to think badly of if you sit and take a moment to reflect on your day, looking for the joys and blessings.  Its not easy at times but its not impossible.  Lately I haven't felt focused.  I can't really explain why, everything is fine.  As fine as my life is and can be I don't feel focused.  Its almost like I'm looking for something....for trouble or chaos.  I'm really not but I think there are times our old selves try to slip in at times.  My old self at times sadly thrived on turmoil....then I felt needed and that I had a purpose....but really being a mom will take care of that need.  But sometimes being a mom for example is harder than we think at the time.  Anyways I'm wandering in my thoughts.....

Its sort of an unsettling feeling when you feel like there is more and there really isn't.  I'm a mother of a 17 year old girl that I have discovered has a firm strength in how she thinks and what she expects...despite what the reality is really presenting itself.  There is only so much "talking" to her that I can do.  These days I can only pray and "talk" to God and leave it in his hands.  It doesn't take the struggle away that I try to keep holding onto...

It is well
It is well that things are as they are with my family.  My family is growing and changing.  My role as a mother seems to be a little different....a mom but then again a person that is just trying to speak into the lives of her children.

It is well that my 15 year old son is not going to church or youth group anymore since he has been living with his dad.  I remind myself that God has him on his own path.  I'm thankful for what I do see.....he surrounds himself with good friends, he is kind and hard working with what he enjoys doing like football.

It is well that my 12 year old daughter is going through that phase of going on 15!  Oh my!  Lord help me!  My curious, sweet hearted baby.....in the world taking it in as she learns to balance the world and her walk with Christ....goes to youth group but not Sunday school.

It is well that my husband works all the time.....I mean every single day. 

It is well that I'm struggling with going to church myself.

It is well that I'm where I'm at...right in this very moment....with Christ beside me, in all I do....never alone....always listening and always guiding me.

It is well with my soul

I do not want to look for "trouble".  But I do want to know how to react to it.  I continue to ask the Lord to always show me how to "react" to life as I live each day.

Its interesting what flows out of my thoughts at times...

I think I'm struggling with swaying where I'd like to see myself and family to be with where and what we are right now.  I feel this because its hard to be a parent at times.  Its hard to be me and a wife.  I do not fear even when my mind wanders to the past or if I try to drift into an old habit with my old self....I do not fear for I'm not far from the One who takes care of me and all my needs.