To love or not to love?

The Lord has been working on my heart lately in the area of Love.  That seems like it would be easy.  "Love" is a nice word and its one I have used to describe a good feeling to something I really really like or to someone.  Love is easy to express when you like that person or when that person has made it easy to love them.

But love is so much more than that, it has several areas to it that I sometimes forget to relate to "Love".  Love bears all things.  Love is patient and kind.  Love is a gift, a blessing.  Love can be shown through discipline, trials and obstacles.  The part of love that I have found difficult is the part dealing with forgiveness.

To love and forgive I must extend grace.  Grace is what extends the love and forgiveness when it feels utterly impossible to do so.  God gives us that grace.  Its through Him that I can love a difficult person or forgive a wrong doing.  I have had situations in my life where I know I forgave that person out of my strength in God and not of my own.

I know that I have to love the difficult people in my life.  God loves me and I know I can be difficult, but he loves me.  Its His love for me that changes my heart.  I need to love that person I find difficult at times, so that they can be lead to His love.  The Holy spirit can work in their heart as mine is being worked on too.  

Its like a win win situation.  God loves me, I love others and God loves that person too.

We are responsible to clothe ourselves with Christlike character, but we are dependent on God's Spirit to produce within us His "fruit".  We cannot make one inch of progress in sanctification apart from the powerful working of the Spirit in us.  And He does this, not because we have earned it with our commitment and discipline, but because of His grace.

Jerry Bridges

A word I hate (do not like)

I have never liked the word "hate" especially when referring to a person.  "Hate" is a harsh, ugly word.  So I've always told my kids that: " you do not hate someone, you might not like them at that moment but you do not hate them."

Now I will have to add to that....."you don't have to "like" them but you have to love them as Christ loves you."  By extending that grace, the grace from God, it will make the difference in the next moment with that person.

John 15:12  This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.

Romans 13: 10  Love does no wrong to others, so love fulfills the requirements of God's law.

This past week...

This past week I've discovered the lessons of "The Law of Love", forgiveness, some of my heart issues, and there is no perfect family (kids, or spouse).  There is love and love is the key to all those difficult, frustrating people, trials, or situations that are in my life at times.  God's Love is what makes the difference in all circumstances. 

God is Love and its through this Love that He blesses us, teaches us, disciplines us, puts trials in our paths, protects us, leads and directs us, cares for us, encourages us, never leaves us, strengthen us, gives us hope, forgives us.  His love does all this and more, its so amazing.    

I want to always be reminded of His Love and find my way to this amazing love by continuing to follow Jesus.

It finally hit me

Since I have been involved at my church on Tuesday mornings ladies bible study the topics have been about trusting God and grace.  We are now continuing with the latest study "Becoming a Women of grace" by Cynthia Heald.  But after a personal story was shared this morning by another lady, a very honest and open moment, it hit me.  Her story and picture that she drew made it really hit home.

She had shared that she had said some harsh hurtful words to her husband, which wounded him.  A couple of days had gone by and she and him were together talking when it sort of "hit" her too.  She started to feel really bad, so bad that she couldn't look at her husband.  She wanted to hide since she felt so bad.  He turns to her to speak and she finally looks at him and he says "I forgive you" and hugs her very tightly.  It was then that she felt the holy spirit and it was his grace that she was forgiven and knew it.  The feeling of peace that flooded over her was so comforting.  She realized that she didn't deserve to be forgiven but was forgiven by His grace.It was by His that her husband forgave her when she felt undeserved of his forgiveness. She had drawn her husband a picture and got permission to make copies and share it with us.  She drew a man and a little girl.  The man representing God, hugging the little girl.

Well it was then that all the pieces started to fall into place for me to.  While there was a few more stories being shared mine was developing in my head.

The other day my husband and I were out and about and he decided to "help me out" by swinging me by Kohls to make a payment on my account.  He was under the impression that it would be the last payment.  I was supposed to have already paid it off several months ago but did not. I had confessed that to him a few weeks ago.  (only part of it)  I told him that I only owed $20.00 so like I said he thought he would help me out by taking me by there to make the "last" payment.

I began to get a little nervous and tell him its no big deal that I was going to go over there next Tuesday after   bible study. I tried to change the course of events but he was determined.  So we get out of the truck and start walking in the store, heading to the back of the store.  As we walked I knew I had to tell him, I couldn't hide it any longer.  I told him that this would not be the last payment, that I still owed $70.00.  My heart sank, I knew he was disappointed in me and I wasn't looking forward to the next moment when it would be just him and me.

He shook his head and questioned what happened, I told him I wasn't sure I just didn't use the money I had back then to do as I had said I would.  I was going to pay it but "my way".  So I make the payment and we head out of the store and he starts off by making a very subtle gentle comment that totally expressed how wrong I was for doing what I did.

We are in the truck now and sitting at a light and I felt heavy (I know that may sound odd but that is the best word I can find to describe the moment)  I was disappointed in myself.  The reality of my lie hit instantly and I confessed that I lied and expressed my sorrow to my husband.  I shortly asked for his forgiveness.  He said he forgave me but oddly enough it made me feel even worse.  The knowing that I lied was wrong but the knowing that I didn't deserve his forgiveness either was hard to swallow.  But once again it was by His grace that my husband found it in his heart to forgive me.

For the next couple of days I couldn't help but think about how wrong my action was and how wrong I was in trying to do it "my way".  It really bothered me.  It seemed that I wasn't ready to give it up.  I wasn't ready to forgive myself. (which may be the hardest thing to do vs. someone else forgiving you)  But after this morning at bible study it all became very clear and since then I've been able to let it go.

His grace.......................

Thank you Lord and I will take heed of the lesson I had at hand and I will try to always remember that feeling of peace and comfort regarding your holy spirit and grace.

Bouncing ping pong balls.....

Have you ever had so many thoughts going on in your mind that you just want to gather them all up and place them in a basket on a shelf and then take them out one at a time to ponder on?

My thoughts lately have been bouncing all around in my head sort of like bouncing ping pong balls that scatter so quickly in so many different directions.

I've had several enlightening conversations that opened the door to many thought provoking and emotional exploration.

I just returned from the Women of Faith Conference and listened all weekend to some very intense stories  about the speakers lives.  Learned some new insight that turned my perspective another way that will be helpful in my relationships.

Psalm 139: 1-2
Yahweh, you examine me and know me, you know when I sit, when I rise, you understand my thought from afar.

Dear Lord, you have designed an individualized set of challenges for me, specifically designed to help me grow into the fullness you have for me.  Help me not to turn away from what is before me, but move toward it with faith, trust and fearlessness.  Amen

Over these next few days, weeks, however long it takes to take my thoughts and ponder on them, I will take from them what I need to apply, use and grow in my life and to help others.  But most of all in a closer relationship with my Lord and Savior. 

Oct. 6th

Oct. 6^th 2010

I awoke this morning to a cloudy, chilly morning.  It hadn’t started to rain yet but I knew it would happen soon, it rained yesterday and last night.  Last night while watching a movie my husband and I were tempted to stop the movie and go watch the “movie” outside.  The sky at times would light up so bright with lightening.  Instead we stayed nestled in our comfy bed watching a movie.

My daughter stared out the window this morning telling me that it looks like it’s going to rain and that she was cold.  She wanted a ride to school.  I told her if it starts to rain just walk a little faster and pull your hood up and you’ll be fine.  She didn’t like my reply. 

My son got a little grumpy this morning when I told him that he would have to walk with his little sister to school.  Normally she walks with a friend, but this morning she called to say she was going to stay home because she wasn’t feeling well.  I’m not sure what the big deal is with my son walking his sister to school.  My husband talked to him and told him that he should be honored to walk his sister to school, to protect her and look out for her and that he may not understand now why it’s important to have this with his sister that it was important and should be done.  Here again the reply was not something he wanted to hear just as his older sister didn’t want to hear the reply she had gotten either.

It didn’t started to rain but when I looked at the clock I knew that kids has already started their day and they were dry and warm.

My husband and I enjoyed breakfast and coffee together then he went off to work.  Later about mid-morning my phone rang and it was my husband.  He said that he got a call from the school district telling him that how they were going to handle the tornado warning in the school with the kids.  He tells me if I see anything weird to go take shelter down stairs in the bathroom.  I told him okay.  I get off the phone and I recall someone on face book made a comment about how they hope that a tornado doesn’t hit here.  Then I heard a dog howl and a dog whimper and cry, that reminded how many dogs I had been hearing this morning while it was raining and thundering.  I would have thought normally to myself about how dogs usually don’t like thunder and they get upset.  I had several dogs in my childhood that would hide under our porch when they heard thunder.  But today I had myself thinking a little differently I was told to seriously look out for a tornado.  It’s been a few minutes now after talking with my husband and now I can hear the principals voice at the school announcing instructions about the warning.

I decided to do a few things on the computer and get things ready for MOPS tomorrow.  Then I took a shower.  I got dressed and gathered a few things to go downstairs to do while I listened to music.  I walked into the kids rooms and looked around and then I looked over to

my book shelf and grabbed a few books that I wanted to look at and deiced which one I would start reading now. I put on JJ Heller in the background while I fixed my lunch and ate.  As I sat there eating I started to think about the last time I wondered what I would do if the house was lost and if anyone would be hurt.  It was when we had all those fires and that big one that was close by and some neighborhoods were being asked to leave.  We ended leaving due to all the smoke that hung over our housing area and went to stay the night at a friend’s house.

So I began thinking about what I would do if a tornado hit, where would I be and where all my loved ones were at, scattered in different areas around town.  Would they be safe, what would they be thinking about, would they get hurt.  Then I thought about the house being lost and all that was in it and realized that it would be fine.  Things didn’t matter as long as we had each other. 

It’s just after lunch now and I’m sitting here at the table writing about my day to this point and out of the corner of my eye I could see a bright yellow glow coming in from the window.  The shining sun, glistening in the drops that remain on the pine needles of the trees.  The branches are gently moving as a light shower continues despite the bright sun shining upon all around us.  The ground is soaked and there are puddles everywhere. 

I knew then that no matter what could happen today that my Lord and Savior was there and would be there not to leave my side or my loved ones.  I was to continue to keep my faith strong and put my trust in Him and go about my day as I normally would.   I smiled to myself and thanked the Lord for the reminder and the love and peace that consumed me from the inside out.

It’s now cloudy and overcast again still raining off and on, the branches are slightly moving.  I enjoy the songs I’m listening to by JJ Heller.  I’m cold I’m going to go get a sweatshirt to put on.

I received a text from my oldest daughter, she wants me to come pick her up.  I think she is a little freaked out by all the warnings and instructions that they are giving the kids at school.  She text and said they were standing in the middle of hall.  I text her back and told her not to worry just to do as they asked and things would be alright and that I would be there to pick her up when school let out.

I go to my daughter’s school and park to wait for her, as I sat there I couldn’t help but sit there looking up in the sky watching the clouds.  It was so amazing, the way they moved.  It looked like they were moving faster than what the trees were as they were blowing in the wind.  The clouds were swirling around and drifting so quickly across the sky.  It was such a site to watch.

The kids at the elementary school were all out on the play ground running around playing and having fun.  The sun was shining and the clouds were moving out and you could see the big blue sky.  I knew then that we were in the clear.

All of my kids came home with stories about their day and all the special instructions that were given to them.  My youngest said that she was a little scared.

I found out that there were 3 or 4 tornadoes that had hit around the area in other parts of Arizona.  I viewed the damage online and read the report.  There was a lot of damage to houses and some businesses and a derailed train but there were no deaths reported.  My heart goes out to them as I pray for all of their losses but thankful they all survived.

I think about the day’s events and I feel a little silly about it all on some level but then again tease me or not the day had a purpose for me and it helped me to remember that God is in control.

He is always there.  I can put my trust in him and believe that all work out as he wills it.  My faith grows stronger as I continue developing a relationship with Him.

Psalm 54:4

God is my helper; the Lord is the sustainer of my life.

Psalm 62: 1-2

I am at rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.  He alone is my rock and my salivation, my stronghold; I will never be shaken.

Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Thank you Lord for the daily reminders that you show us all of how blessed we really are despite our circumstances or anything that may be going on in our lives.  We really do have all we need, You in our lives.

Let's catch up.....

Last weekend Karlee's Birthday Party at the park was a success.

 Then the next day we went to the Grand Canyon.....

Now this weekend I returned from Phoenix after attending the Women of Faith conference....

The Praise & Worship team was great!  I love music....

Natalie Grant was amazing.  She's pregnant with her 3rd child (another girl) she has the most adorable little twin girls.  The energy she had despite being pregnant was great.

 

 

Mary Mary were there too, I loved their excitement, the energy in the music, you just had to get up and move.

There were several great speakers that I enjoyed listening too. 

I'm still processing the weekend so I won't talk about the insights I gained from the weekend yet, I'll write about that soon and share with you later.

I will say that after the last two wonderfully busy weekends I'm ready to make this next coming weekend a relaxing one but we'll see.....