Today is better!

Today those flowers from yesterday look more perky and cheerful, not so droopy.  I feel the same way too! God blessed me with another new day. A new day to start over.  I haven't done much today.  I have worked on the FCF woman's blog.  I have done a few things around the house.  I went to Physical Therapy.

Speaking of it really is helping.  I wasn't sure it was even going to work but it really is!  My pain is changing, its not constant anymore.  I don't tire as easy I was before, feeling like I had to sit down or stand up.  It really is making a difference.  I'm so happy that it is, I thought I would never start feeling good again.

Tomorrow I start offically at the Heritage Assisted Living House in Doney Park.  I'm excited!  I will get to spend time with the residents, doing activities with them, assisting in meals and odd little things around.  It will be nice to have a pay check to look forward to consistantly.

Each day it is more apparent how different my life is when I rely on God.  So grateful!

Wilted Flowers

I woke up cheerful, content, and happy....okay and a little sleepy too.  I had to get up early and get Karlee out the door to camp early this morning but just the same I was bright and cheerful.  As the morning worn on I began to find myself fading and drooping, my emotions were tugging at my heart and with that came the nagging thoughts and desires.

I left the parking lot of the church feeling cared for.  God is good.  God always provides.  When he sees a need, he fills it.  I had something dragging underneath the front of the my van.  Several people had came up to me to let me know.  I was talking with a friend, waiting to see all the kids off for the week.  It was nice to talk to her, we really don't get to see each other often.  The conversation lead me to share my struggles, which is fine, she was there, she listened and encouraged me.  But I began to feel my heart sink.

I looked away from her to look towards my van, noticing a few people standing over there.  I walked over to find a friend of mine, husband under my van getting dirty taping up with duct tape the stuff that had been dragging.  I quickly went over to my friend that I had just been talking with and told her what was going on and she took my hand and quickly walked me over to the van and smiled and said well we will need to brush him off when he is done.  This was a simple act of kindness but it meant big things to me and brought wetness to my eyes that I held back quite nicely.

I soon left my daughter and headed home to have some quite time with the Lord and then get ready for church.  I left once again feeling happy but with a quite reserve feeling.  I walked into church greeting others with smiles and hugs.  Then the feelings came, I looked around at other couples and could see how close they were to each other, showing their love for one another, with a gentle touch, or a hand on his shoulder, or his arm around her.  Music began, I love worship music but it can really tug at my heart when I have things going on.  I got through the first two songs alright.  We sat down for the third one.  I looked over and saw my friends husband put his hand on her knee.  I had to get up, I headed to the bathroom.  I grabbed a few tissues and paced the floor trying to gain control.  I took a deep breath when I thought I was ready and then heading back in.  I sat for a few minutes, this song was powerful.....I couldn't do it.  I couldn't sit in church by myself for another moment.  I got up and headed to the van, and bursted out into a full blown cry!

With a good cry under my belt, I headed to the craft store to walk around.

I got back in to go home and saw my once cheerful, bright, pretty flowers all wilted.  I felt like those wilted flowers so it was perfect.....

But God is good and he gives his children strength and peace.   Thank you Lord.

(Micah at work, Karlee on her way to camp, Dillon out and about, Kyle at home, Sara at a friends house....)

Me alone, but not really becaue Jesus is there carrying the wilted flowers with tender loving care...so thankful

VBS was a success!

Last week I helped again with VBS at my church.  This year instead of doing crafts, I was the encouragment cordinator.  Big title but only a small part of it all.  I went around handing out little treats with cards and bible verses.  It was fun!  I enjoyed making the cards and handing out the treats, they were all very well recieved.

I did have a friend surprise me with a pair of ear rings that she made.  They are pretty and it was a great surprise.  She said that I was giving so much that I needed to receive a little too.

On the other side of VBS was life of course! As always, it was busy, taking this one here and that one there.

Micah has been busy working and working and working

I started donating plasma.  It helps others and it helps me with a little money in my pocket.  Dillon is also doing it too.

Several weeks ago my small group and I had put together some "blessing bags" to give out to the needy that we come across while we are out and about town.  My son was the first one to give one out and after he was done he simply said "That felt good!"  I was excited to see his reaction, thank you Jesus.  Sara also gave one out and with same affect on her too.  (Big Smiles)  I have given a few out too, and the people that have been given one are very excited.  As I pull away from them and continue on my way they quickly open the bag to investigate its contents.

Yesterday my thoughts were not pure as Sara spoke of an arguement with her friend.  It left me feeling irritated, hurt and frustrated.  But when I went to read an emailed devotional, this was the verse and it fit perfect.  Its great how God works and uses things to get our attention and re-direct our thoughts back to where they need to be, with Him.
       Ephesieans 6:16  Above all, taking up the shield of faith, with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil one.


About two hours ago I just saw my daughter, Karlee off to San Dieago with two other girls, 7 boys and 4 leaders to Hume Lake Camp!  I'm so excited for them.  I pray that God will work in their hearts and help them to draw closer to Him.

Now I will get ready to head out the door to church and enjoy worship, fellowship and a good sermon to continue with my day.

Tuesday, I start a new job, at Heritage Assistant Living House.  I'm looking forward to it!

A New Week!

What will this week bring?

Well it will bring V.B.S.!  Crazy, tired, fun filled week of vacation bible school!  It's gonna be so much fun, I can't wait to see the church.  It has been turned into a jungle!

Other than V.B.S. I have Karlee that will be busy making whatever money she can make to go towards her upcoming camp next week.

Then there is the normal going here and there with the kids.

So it should be a busy, full, good week!

I pray the the Lord will be with in all I do, say and think.

He Hugged Me

Dillon hugged me and felt things would be all better then.  I'm glad he hugged me and started talking to me again but I can't help but feel an empty hole.  I know the only one that fill that hole will be God.  I hope and pray that Dillon will allow him to work on his heart.  I want you to fill that hole that there is there Lord with peace, love, understanding and hope.

My Beautiful Blessing

Sara is such a sweet little soul.  She truly was a gift from up above.  She has such a way to put a smile on my face and cheer in my heart when I don't want to feel those things when I'm in the middle of something negative or hurtful.

She came into my life years ago during a very bad time.  I wanted to leave her father.  I was selfish and bitter that I was pregnant with her.  I wanted to stay thin and didn't want to go through things with her father.  Sadly I was angry not with her but I think you could say with God.  Thinking back I think that is the only time I felt anger toward God.  It's awful to think about and hard to admit to now.

When Sara was born she had a huge bruise like looking thing on her bottom.  I had myself convinced tht it was my fault because of the feelings I felt while she was in my tummy and with all the yelling and arguing tha went on the outside of her.  To this day she is sensitive and broken with tears when yelling and fighting goes on with her loved ones.  (The mark went away over time)

She was brought in our lives as an attempt to bind her father and I together.  It helpt a little longer but wehen she was three I divorced her father.  She has a link to us both.  When she was a baby she would watch her father and the little look in her eyes she would have when looking up at his face.  She knew her daddy.  To this day she stands strong when someone dares to say something negative about him (even if its true).  She loves her daddy through and through she doesn't see what others might see.

Yesterday she came to my resuce withher happy bright blue eyes and her sweet big smile and her arms full of love as they encircled around me.  It didn't take long for her to have me talking and smiling and laughing just a little.  She helped change the rest of the evening for me and with God's strength I was at peace when I laid down to go to sleep.

She is my little blessing from God.

Thank you

Always finding joy

 Even as I sit here waiting to pick Kyle up from football practice I can find the joy.  I take the time to enjoy a worship song on the radio or read a little devotional in my email that I want to read but don't take the time to at times.

What's the best place to spend half the day?

Church!  Karlee had to be at church early to sing for both services.  I needed to help with the Father's Day pie sale.

The pie sale was doing fine without us so Sara and decided to walk around and enjoy the morning before it got too windy.

Then we enjoyed some awesome worship music from the youth band.  I left happy and refreshed and ready to enjoy the rest of my Sunday.

My three went to their dad's, Micah went fishing in Camp Verde, and Dillon and I went to run some errands.  Dillon bought me lunch.  It was nice to be with him just one on one.

Now it's time to see what the week will bring, plan the dinner menu for the week, do some laundry, some vbs stuff and then just relax.

I'm feeling thankful and blessed, ready for a new day.

Giving up to The Lord

How do I live in a house without peace? I seek it but no one else does. It doesn't matter what I do I'm lost in Micah's eyes he doesn't even try to find me and what we could be. He and Dillon are more alike than it seems at times. I can't keep turning the other way. It's hard and is impossible and it hurts emotional so much. I want to run far and fast away but then again I want to end up encircled in loving supportive arms and feel the strength and know without a doubt that everything will be alright.

I know I desire it with my husband and do not have and feeling hopeless to ever have.

But I do have it. I have it all with my Heavenly Father. Will He allow me to have something close to it with the man I married?

A Day

The day started off sweetly with smiles hugs and laughter. The middle of the day my thoughts were filled with how could l please him when he got home. Thinking of enjoying a sweet loving moment to only end in tears and anger. How quickly the day can change.....making it hard to pick up from and change the ending into another tender moment. This day will end in darkness and silence as we avoid everything about each other. We will lay side by side back to back eyes closed tightly in slumber until the new day starts. What will tomorrow bring?

A new start with my Lord walking along with me....

Kids & Summer

I'm not really enjoying the summer so far with teenagers!  Teenagers need to be kept busy but its not my job to entertain them like they were little.  I give tons of ideas to only be shot down so why do I bother.  Lord help them to be more helpful and thoughtful of others.  Help them to have a serving heart, to help in the kitchen, cook dinner, do extra things without being asked.......

I truly have made one mistake!  I've done too much for them and I've made things too easy for them!  Really its true, you won't find me saying that too often but I see it now!

Lord give me the strength to follow through with the boundries and rules that I want to be consistent in and to remind them that they can do this and that on their own.....I don't have to tell them what there is to eat in the fridge or pantry.  I don't have to make them a sandwich, when I'm busy doing something else.  I don't have to.......

Can you tell I'm tired and frustrated and frazzled?  I love my children.  I just need to keep praying for them as you work in their lives Lord.

I love you Lord, and I know you will help me with the kids & summer.......so very grateful and comforted by remembering that....

My Drifting Thoughts

I sit here in the church office this afternoon.  In the background is the sound of guitar, drums and a couple of voices practicing worship music for Sunday.  I enjoy music, it is one way I worship the Lord.  I love it when the right song is played just when I need it at that moment. It is also one way that He can communicate to me.  Music has always had a way to tug at my heart, bring a tear forward, a thought to ponder, a chance to say I'm sorry, please forgive me, or a thankful smile of joy.  Music can be so uplifting when you need it to be and then at other times it can be the perfect moment of healing.  I'm thankful for all the wonderful voices and talented people we have here at church.

Shadows of cars go by on the wall behind the computer screen.  People going here and there, busy on this Friday afternoon.  The beautiful green leaves and colorful flowers out front are dancing around as the wind blows them to and fro.  I wonder what thoughts are floating around out there in the world as people drive to their destinations.....I pray that they know the Lord or will be lead to the Lord by someone in their life.

My thoughts wander off to "what are the kids doing at home, have they done their chores, have they walked the dog?"  What will I cook for dinner tonight?  I've cooked all week, maybe we can just do left overs tonight.

I'm really enjoying the rhythnm of the blowing trees in the background, with musically chirping birds sharing their song, as I sit here in front of the computer, in the church offiice......

A beautiful day

Last Sunday the girls and I enjoyed a beautiful afternoon in Prescot.  A very dear person close to Karlee's heart was married.  Not sure what this weekend will bring but whatever it does, their will be joys and blessings in it all.

OH I see now.....

I had my first physical therapy session today.  It was an evaulation and oh my gosh did I learn a bunch!  I'm excited about what I learn and now I can understand a few things better and I have hope in some good changes and things to come from it.

The main thing that got me in the door for physical therapy was the pain and discomfort in my lower back/right flank area.  My goal is not that have that going on anymore but in the process disovered another area that needs work and has to do with the problem area in my back.

My back is trying to do more than it needs to do because other areas are pitching in and doing their job.  My stomach, my incision area inside has built up lots of scar tissue.  The muscles then get pulled down and cause strain in other areas.  My right side of my pelvis has rotated too far forward which would cause a constant irritation in my back because its trying to do all the work.  Basically my stomach muscles have forgotten what their role is and once we reprogram them and re-teach them then the back pain will go away and I won't look prego! Yep I said it!  After things start going back in place where they belong I my body will appear alittle different especially in the tummy area!  I'm all for that!  I know that won't solve it all and nor will I have a completly flat stomach but......it will look as if I lost some and that right there is enough for me and can help rev up the motiation and hope in losing weight and feeling better and won't get that look of are you preganant or not!

My stomach muscles are shot and my back is over compensatating for it and so we have to start with my stomach area first in order to do the other things that will help my back and rotate my pelivs back inline.
I have things I need to stay on tope of at home and do in between physcial therarpy sessions, so it depends on me and I think I'm up for it and ready to look a little better but mostly feel better and not have the constant nagging pain!

Heavenly Father Help

Being a parent is not easy.  Right now I'm struggling with raising teenagers.  How did my mom and dad ever get through that phase in their life.  I don't remember being really out of hand, diffiuclt at times and very emotional but not rebelious with a yucky negative attitude. Either way we all have our moments and there are always people around us not enjoying those moments that we find ourselves in with our loved ones....our kids.

Lord I need your guidence, your wisdom, your words, your courage and strength in raising my children.  I want them to follow you and seek your guidence.  I want to be an example for them so they can do that.  Please help me with my next several steps forward today....and the next.

Thank you Lord for your joys and blessings that help keep the hope shining bright and my faith growing in you.