The song speaks volumes. Thank you Lord. I love you and I'm so glad I'm yours.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Back to Normal
I returned from vacation with the kids on Saturday. I took Sunday to relax and rest. Monday was a little bit of errands to run, things to take care of and then more rest. Today, being Tuesday was the first day I would consider getting back to normal or back into life after vacation.
I headed for the church to go to Tuesday morning Ladies Bible Study. I walked into the room, smiled and said hello and made my way to a table to put my stuff down. It wasn't long before a few ladies came up to greet me and welcome me back after being gone out of town. It was a nice feeling. I was thinking I was doing a good job at being my "normal" self just like any other day. I figured I had my smile on and that was that.
I was approached and discovered. I couldn't hide it. There was more than one woman that came to me and knew instantly that behind my smile I was struggling inside. I briefly was comforted and made plans to expose myself later in the week at a time that I could let my smile drop into a frown and maybe shed a few tears.
I walked out of the bible study actually feeling really comforted and at peace knowing that I have been blessed with relationships in my life that have been developed through community. I'm so thankful for the Tuesday morning bible study and the opportunities it brings to woman to share, and grow together.
_______________________________________
The rest of my day went on. Again I thought I had it all together. I made dinner and fed the family before heading out the door to a woman's ministry meeting. As I drove over to the meeting I was aware that I wasn't quite happy and allowed myself to frown on the way over. I soon discovered that I as time as gone on these last couple of days I'm really not doing well. I'm more sensitive, my stomach hurts, my neck is aching and I sat there trying to get involved in something I feel really strongly about but found myself struggling with staying focused or involved. It bothered me because I felt like I was being selfish and wanted to yell out and say I'm hurting here please help me. But the meeting was planning on how to help others. I finally pushed it aside and began to speak and input in the meeting.
Driving home from that meeting was when it really hit. It hit hard and held back the tears, since I didn't want to have to explain to the kids or my family about why I was feeling so emotional. I realized that ever since I had left for vacation I had been putting on a smile and pushing things aside around my family, trying to stay busy, not allowing quite time for my thoughts to develop. But after going to Bible Study I know that when I'm not with family others are seeing how I'm not myself behind my smile.
I began to briefly let all the thoughts that I had pushed aside to develop and I continued to choke back the tears and while driving home I reached out to God and asked him to help me and prayed. I told him that this was going to be harder than I thought and I asked him for a miracle.
I pulled into my drive way and got out of the van, took a deep breath and opened the door to my home and walked in like things were back to normal.
( I guess what I'm trying to express to you is that sadly I have hidden from my family and loved ones but because of the community and relationships/friendships that God has helped me to develop my sisters in Christ have not allowed me to hide.)
I headed for the church to go to Tuesday morning Ladies Bible Study. I walked into the room, smiled and said hello and made my way to a table to put my stuff down. It wasn't long before a few ladies came up to greet me and welcome me back after being gone out of town. It was a nice feeling. I was thinking I was doing a good job at being my "normal" self just like any other day. I figured I had my smile on and that was that.
I was approached and discovered. I couldn't hide it. There was more than one woman that came to me and knew instantly that behind my smile I was struggling inside. I briefly was comforted and made plans to expose myself later in the week at a time that I could let my smile drop into a frown and maybe shed a few tears.
I walked out of the bible study actually feeling really comforted and at peace knowing that I have been blessed with relationships in my life that have been developed through community. I'm so thankful for the Tuesday morning bible study and the opportunities it brings to woman to share, and grow together.
_______________________________________
The rest of my day went on. Again I thought I had it all together. I made dinner and fed the family before heading out the door to a woman's ministry meeting. As I drove over to the meeting I was aware that I wasn't quite happy and allowed myself to frown on the way over. I soon discovered that I as time as gone on these last couple of days I'm really not doing well. I'm more sensitive, my stomach hurts, my neck is aching and I sat there trying to get involved in something I feel really strongly about but found myself struggling with staying focused or involved. It bothered me because I felt like I was being selfish and wanted to yell out and say I'm hurting here please help me. But the meeting was planning on how to help others. I finally pushed it aside and began to speak and input in the meeting.
Driving home from that meeting was when it really hit. It hit hard and held back the tears, since I didn't want to have to explain to the kids or my family about why I was feeling so emotional. I realized that ever since I had left for vacation I had been putting on a smile and pushing things aside around my family, trying to stay busy, not allowing quite time for my thoughts to develop. But after going to Bible Study I know that when I'm not with family others are seeing how I'm not myself behind my smile.
I began to briefly let all the thoughts that I had pushed aside to develop and I continued to choke back the tears and while driving home I reached out to God and asked him to help me and prayed. I told him that this was going to be harder than I thought and I asked him for a miracle.
I pulled into my drive way and got out of the van, took a deep breath and opened the door to my home and walked in like things were back to normal.
( I guess what I'm trying to express to you is that sadly I have hidden from my family and loved ones but because of the community and relationships/friendships that God has helped me to develop my sisters in Christ have not allowed me to hide.)
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
In the meantime
Being in the "meantime" is the hardest thing to do. But that is where I'm at, I'm waiting for God's timing. There are things around me that I can't have different in my time.
It's amazing how God will direct our conversations when He knows its really needed. I'm so thankful for the group of ladies I sat with at the table this morning at bible study. There was a variety of ladies at different ages and different stages in their lives but in the end we all are joined together at some point on walks with Christ. Its that community, the feeling of not being alone, of "being in the same boat" that really helps in so many ways.
The speaker this morning closed by asking a question that was suppose to be discussed at the tables. But God has another plan for our table, and we all listened as some of us shared, we brought Kleenex to the table. Some of us shed some tears, some offered encouragement, and insight. At the end of our time together we prayed. I had never had anyone come lay hands on me to pray and I must say it was the most powerful thing I've experienced. If you haven't figured it out by now I was one of the ones that had let a few tears loose.
In the meantime I'm leaning on God......
It's amazing how God will direct our conversations when He knows its really needed. I'm so thankful for the group of ladies I sat with at the table this morning at bible study. There was a variety of ladies at different ages and different stages in their lives but in the end we all are joined together at some point on walks with Christ. Its that community, the feeling of not being alone, of "being in the same boat" that really helps in so many ways.
The speaker this morning closed by asking a question that was suppose to be discussed at the tables. But God has another plan for our table, and we all listened as some of us shared, we brought Kleenex to the table. Some of us shed some tears, some offered encouragement, and insight. At the end of our time together we prayed. I had never had anyone come lay hands on me to pray and I must say it was the most powerful thing I've experienced. If you haven't figured it out by now I was one of the ones that had let a few tears loose.
In the meantime I'm leaning on God......
Friday, July 13, 2012
Frustration Wrap Up
After I left the church after meeting with my friend I headed straight to my husband. I interrupted him and asked him if I could have 10 minutes of his time. He was a little bothered but thats only because he wanted me to get to the point but soon he soften and had patience with me.
I thought I had things all together and ready to unload on him but I found it hard to start off and I began with a cracked voice and tears filling up in my eyes ready to leak out. I told him that I was sorry and that I felt like I had pushed him before leaving for work to react and pressured him to react in the way he thought I wanted. I told him I was sorry for being frustrated lately and that I shouldn't be irritated with him when he is calm and collective. That I should be thankful for how he is during heated moments, it balances things out and helps things not get totally out of control. I asked for his forgiveness.
Then I dumped everything on him about my new perspective on the current situation with Dillon and how we couldn't get the "big guns" out on him and kick him out of the house over piercing his ears. That we had to pick our battles and define our battles over our moral values. To hold strong on the big issues like stealing and lying......
I let him get back to work and I was finally going to re-start my day. I went home ready to figure out where I had to go and what all needed to be done. At this point I felt so tired mentally and emotional but in a good way knowing that God was right there guiding our next steps.
On the way back from dropping off my Karlee to babysit, I treated Sara and I to a .50 vanilla cone at Little America. I know ice cream doesn't change things like God can but it sure can bring happiness to daughters face and fill our tummy with a yummy treat.
On the way to taking Sara to the doctor (she hasn't been feeling well, a sore throat) my oldest daughter decided to make my face shine with a huge smile. She bought us Star Bucks with some of her babysitting money.
Its the little moments along with the thankfulness and blessings of the Lord that can bring us out of frustration. Thank you Lord for placing the right people, the right words, the right little moments in my path to help me continue my dependence on you Lord.
In my quite time this is what came to me:
Pray
Do not lose heart
Pray offers a chance to regroup our thinking, and to revive our heart
I found these verses:
2 Cor 4:1-6
Overcome by thinking about God's grace and mercy that we have received and it will encourage you to freely share it with others.
2 Cor 4:16
look beyond this current situation learn to be "far sighted" look at not what is seen but what is unseen
Eph 3:13
be rooted and grounded in love to be filled with fullness of God
Pray
Rejoice in what we have in and through Christ and that will encourage us
look beyond the temporary
God is aware
develop a firm and confident trust in God
"God will help overcome-too much to do for us to be sitting on the plains of frustration while a lost and dying world around us perishes" Brian V. Sullivan
I thought I had things all together and ready to unload on him but I found it hard to start off and I began with a cracked voice and tears filling up in my eyes ready to leak out. I told him that I was sorry and that I felt like I had pushed him before leaving for work to react and pressured him to react in the way he thought I wanted. I told him I was sorry for being frustrated lately and that I shouldn't be irritated with him when he is calm and collective. That I should be thankful for how he is during heated moments, it balances things out and helps things not get totally out of control. I asked for his forgiveness.
Then I dumped everything on him about my new perspective on the current situation with Dillon and how we couldn't get the "big guns" out on him and kick him out of the house over piercing his ears. That we had to pick our battles and define our battles over our moral values. To hold strong on the big issues like stealing and lying......
I let him get back to work and I was finally going to re-start my day. I went home ready to figure out where I had to go and what all needed to be done. At this point I felt so tired mentally and emotional but in a good way knowing that God was right there guiding our next steps.
On the way back from dropping off my Karlee to babysit, I treated Sara and I to a .50 vanilla cone at Little America. I know ice cream doesn't change things like God can but it sure can bring happiness to daughters face and fill our tummy with a yummy treat.
On the way to taking Sara to the doctor (she hasn't been feeling well, a sore throat) my oldest daughter decided to make my face shine with a huge smile. She bought us Star Bucks with some of her babysitting money.
Its the little moments along with the thankfulness and blessings of the Lord that can bring us out of frustration. Thank you Lord for placing the right people, the right words, the right little moments in my path to help me continue my dependence on you Lord.
In my quite time this is what came to me:
Pray
Do not lose heart
Pray offers a chance to regroup our thinking, and to revive our heart
I found these verses:
2 Cor 4:1-6
Overcome by thinking about God's grace and mercy that we have received and it will encourage you to freely share it with others.
2 Cor 4:16
look beyond this current situation learn to be "far sighted" look at not what is seen but what is unseen
Eph 3:13
be rooted and grounded in love to be filled with fullness of God
Pray
Rejoice in what we have in and through Christ and that will encourage us
look beyond the temporary
God is aware
develop a firm and confident trust in God
"God will help overcome-too much to do for us to be sitting on the plains of frustration while a lost and dying world around us perishes" Brian V. Sullivan
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Facebook/Frustration (part 3)
- sometimes it helps to pray and gripe a little.. He doesn't mind.. and I have found that when you struggle with him, it is a lot easier to process things.. I will pray that you have eyes to see. it will be ok.
- It helps to think of someone going through tremendous struggles that doesn't give up...some people are given huge adversity yet they use that adversity to make their life even stronger. This helps me remember that God is always with us even in the frustration and our struggles.I met my friend at church and was so thankful that the Lord was speaking through her to me. The perspective that I was able see began turning things around instantly and I soon began to release the struggle that I was going through inside. I wanted to hurry and go talk to my husband afterwards.My next post will wrap things up and I will share the things that I learned and that were revealed to me.
Frustration (part 2) Sparks Flying
I had really hoped that when I had walked down stairs to make a cup of coffee and start my new day that it was going to be easier than the day before....without any frustrations. Instead I walked down to see my step-son sleeping on the floor with something shiny sparkling on his ear. Yep he had stayed up late in the bathroom piercing both of his ears.
At first I smiled and looked at my husband and said hope they are stick-ons, they look funny. The tone in the room changed real quick. I think if I had been in a cartoon you would have seen yellow and orange sparks flying off of my head. All I could see was red.....a big flashing sign saying things like disrespect, breaking our house rules, who do you think you are.....etc you get the idea.
I knew we couldn't discuss it or figure things out right at that second, since Micah was on his way out the door to go to work. But it irritated me that Micah was calm and going on about his day. Dillon's "I don't care" attitude and "I know" stuff really fired me up! And the mere fact that no one can reach him and I have and need to let go to you Lord is so so hard. I cried out to the Lord for help.
By now I just couldn't function but things still needed to be done, my daughter had to dropped off somewhere so I had to get my day started some how. I called a friend that I knew could relate to what I was dealing with in regards to my step-son. We weren't out the door yet, I was really struggling with things, I asked my oldest daughter, Karlee to pray for me. I asked her to hold me and pray. She said okay and asked if she could just hold me and silently pray in her head for me, that was fine with me. I could feel the holy spirit between us in that moment, I began thanking the Lord.
At first I smiled and looked at my husband and said hope they are stick-ons, they look funny. The tone in the room changed real quick. I think if I had been in a cartoon you would have seen yellow and orange sparks flying off of my head. All I could see was red.....a big flashing sign saying things like disrespect, breaking our house rules, who do you think you are.....etc you get the idea.
I knew we couldn't discuss it or figure things out right at that second, since Micah was on his way out the door to go to work. But it irritated me that Micah was calm and going on about his day. Dillon's "I don't care" attitude and "I know" stuff really fired me up! And the mere fact that no one can reach him and I have and need to let go to you Lord is so so hard. I cried out to the Lord for help.
By now I just couldn't function but things still needed to be done, my daughter had to dropped off somewhere so I had to get my day started some how. I called a friend that I knew could relate to what I was dealing with in regards to my step-son. We weren't out the door yet, I was really struggling with things, I asked my oldest daughter, Karlee to pray for me. I asked her to hold me and pray. She said okay and asked if she could just hold me and silently pray in her head for me, that was fine with me. I could feel the holy spirit between us in that moment, I began thanking the Lord.
F R U S T R A T I O N (part 1)
- dissatisfaction: a feeling of disappointment, exasperation, or weariness caused by goals being thwarted or desires unsatisfied
- frustrating of somebody or something: an act or instance of causing somebody or something to be dissatisfied or unfulfilled
- something that thwarts: something that blocks, thwarts, and upsets somebody all at the same time
Lately I have been beside myself in frustration. I don't like being in this state of mind, it makes me miserable and everyone around me too. I have been dissatisfied with a person, situation and then it didn't take long for the little things around me to be added to the list. I felt stuck and didn't know how to get out of it. The first definition describes the best for me.
I look around me and I see so much that could be different in my loved ones lives and want nothing but good for them. I can't make choices for them, and I can't live out the consequences for them. I can hope that I have influence on them and can offer some guidance to them. I can share my experiences with them and hope that it would help them not to make similar mistakes or down similar roads that I had traveled on. But ultimately I can't change them and I can't control the situation!
The other night I stayed up late writing out my feelings, praying to God and looking up scripture. I wanted out of my mind set of being frustrated. I wanted help.
These were a few verses I found:
2 Cor 13:11 "Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you."
James 3:18 "And a harvest of righteouness is sown in peace by those who make peace."
I had been struggling with such raw emotions that I really was blocking the holy spirit no matter how much I read and prayed that night.
I woke up the next morning ready for a new day, really wanting a better day without frustration. I walked down stairs and saw my step-son and boom!
These are my thoughts "Oh Lord this is gong to be harder than I thought. I'm so consumed with frustration and wanting to "fix" or control the situation that I'm just beside myself! I want to scream to be heart, I want to stop my feet until I see results!"
Friday, July 6, 2012
This morning....
This morning was comforting and refreshing. I spent some time with the Lord in silence. It has been a while that I have sat in silence with the Lord. I get up and have my morning time in the word and then I go off and start my day. This morning I felt heavy with frustration and found that I've been trying to carry it all on my own. Its odd how we all start out wanting and trying to trust in the Lord but then we need reminders to get back on track to let go again and let God. I'm so thankful that God never gets tired and is always there waiting to pick us up again.
This morning I talked to him about some situations and people that I love that have burden me with frustration. This is what he spoke to me:
Rest
Do not lean on your own understanding
Trust me
I will work in their hearts
So I think he was telling me to take a deep breath and chill out, stop trying to figure it all out, let it go and let Him handle it and know that He will handle it!
In one of my online email devotionals this verse was right in front of me and I think it wraps this little post up quite nicely :)
20
Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.
This morning I talked to him about some situations and people that I love that have burden me with frustration. This is what he spoke to me:
Rest
Do not lean on your own understanding
Trust me
I will work in their hearts
So I think he was telling me to take a deep breath and chill out, stop trying to figure it all out, let it go and let Him handle it and know that He will handle it!
In one of my online email devotionals this verse was right in front of me and I think it wraps this little post up quite nicely :)
Proverbs 16:20
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)