A New Journey

For many of us we find ourselves in different seasons of life.  Then there are some that start new chapters in their story....or on a new road, however you want to look at it or call it, you are never alone.  I feel as if I've started a new journey and through this journey it will have moments of ups and downs, moments of tears, moments of joys but the journey will only help me walk closer with God.

I know of a few people that I think we could say are on a "new journey" of life.  The sweet man that I have taken care of for the last 11 months.  He recently lost his wife of 67 years. I can only imagine the feeling of loss that he feels but I also see how he knows and lives with the reassurance of knowing that his bride is in Heaven with His Heavenly Father and that he too will one day be reunited with her.  But now he has to journey on in this life without her by his side.  He will be alright during this new journey of his with his faith and trust in the Lord and with the support of his loved ones that he has by his side until his journey comes to an end.....to only lead to a better beginning with Him.

I feel as though I'm party of his journey, in a small way.  I have found myself feeling as though that I'm sitting idle too long and that I need to get up and check on things.  There is an empty space in this house but I still can feel the presence of the Lord and see the joy and love that she left behind with her family.

My daughter is 18 today!  I'm happy, excited, scared, worried and overwhelm.  I love my daughter and I'm proud of her.  She is beautiful inside and out but I have to really start letting go of her and continue working on really truly surrendering her life over to the Lord. There are times lately I find myself frustrated with her, or disagreeing with her, or really wishing I could just control all aspects of her life but I can't.  I have to let you grow and change and live and learn on her journey in this life.  I know the Lord isn't far from her even if she holds him at a distance.  She was His child and will be His child and live as His child again.  Its just that she isn't walking close to Him right now and has wondered on her own worldly path that I worry, I'm concerned and scared.  This world is so big!  I know what my life was like before I let God into my heart and want to grow in Christ.  But I also know that no matter how hard all this seems to me I will continue to lean on God and ask him for his strength and guidance and have hope in him.  I will trust him beyond my understanding as I love my daughter on her journey.

When Wednesday Wasn't Enough

Wednesday of last week was a tough, long, intense, emotional, busy kind of a day.  Then the next day came around.  No, no one else passed on but Thursday was another long, emotional day.  I went with my ex-husband, Scott to Prescott to the VA Hospital.  He needed to have a colonoscopy done.

The day was long and my body ached sitting in the waiting chairs.  I have heard some say "wow you are taking your ex to the doctor....you are helping him....etc."  Okay so I'm left with the impression not many would.  I just know that he needs help and he doesn't really have anyone....everybody needs someone.  We are friends even if our marriage had ended.....let me count...wow 10 years ago!  I didn't realize it had been that long.  We brought three beautiful children into this world so we are bonded for life.

Anyways they are going to order two more tests after this one to help determine the damage to his liver from the Hep C and how much cirrhosis of the liver he has going on.

Once they know the damage then they can determine what the next steps are and any treatments available.

Friday I helped a little bit over at Jane's getting her dad's room organized without her mom's things in it.  Then I spent some time with my oldest daughter.  We went to lunch and did a little shopping.

Saturday was spent running around doing errands and taking Kyle out to his dad's and shopping for a man that needs some help and can't get out very well.

Today is Sunday and its the first day that I finally feel like I'm ready for a new week.  I have just been so tired and drained.  I went to visit a different church with my neighbor.  I enjoyed it.  I think I'm going to go next Sunday too.  We enjoyed lunch at her house together after she bought some roasted chilies and we ate a few with cheese and egg....very tasty!

The rest of the day was spent not doing too much of anything and resting.

Okay Lord I'm ready bring on the next week.....

oh gosh my daughter turns 18 this week on the 25th, Friday!

It was the Day

As you know I have been care giving for a dear friends' parents.  I have been helping since last October.  When her parents first arrived her dad wasn't in the best condition but as time went on he started to get better.  With her mom however she within a matter of these last few months began to decline.  They had celebrated their 67th wedding anniversary not long ago.  Being with a person that long develops some strong ties, you could always see how much they loved each other even when the other could hear what the other had said. Their actions spoke loudly.  God always has a plan, and his plan was to give a new body to his wife.  God knew how lost and confused she would be if he had chosen her husband.

On Wednesday I had the honor of experiencing the joy of a family letting their loved one go onto Heaven as His angels were calling her to join them.  Yes, it was sad and I could not help but let my tears roll down my cheek either but at the same time it was all so joyful and very beautiful.  Everyone that surrounded her bedside knew that she would be whole again, and healed.  She would have her mind again and could ear without a hearing aid.

It was a special experience to be a part of, as I helped in the back round with lunch, and coloring and talking with the kids or answering the door....

The room was full of love.  The presence of the Lord was strong, as He encircled all of them with his arms and comforted each of them with the peace of knowing that as they let go of their loved one she would be alright now with Him.

The family and loved ones circled around the sweet couple as my friend's dad held his beloved's hand and didn't leave her side, and they sang hymns, shared stories and memories.  At one point a friend came and used her talent of playing the flute at her bed side while they continued to find songs in their hearts to sing as the angels came to lift her up to the Lord.

It was at 3:30 in the afternoon that she let go and it was at 3:35 that she gave her final breath as was finally with the Lord.  Her face was at peace and her earthly body was left behind.

These words I share with you describe the day and the emotions on the surface but my words do not express the deepness of the experience that it has had in my heart.....that will take time as I process it and as the Lord shares what I need from it.

It also will take time for the loved ones that were there that day to continue to let go of their loved one but I do know that each of them are surrounded with His peace and the Lord has them each by his hand.

My words will never do that day justice but these pictures speak the words that I can not express.

A Difficult Moment

Yesterday morning when I had gotten to Jane's, I broke down.  I just couldn't hold back any longer.  I had this heavy emotional wave wash over me and I had to release the flood that had been held back.  I broke down and cried as she stood by with her arms around me close.

Prior to going over there my ex-husband, Scott called me and asked if I could join him and his oldest, Amber in a talk and planning of what to do after he passes on.  He told me that he didn't think he has long, that he doesn't feel good, and things just are not working as they should be.  He said that he can't deal and doesn't know how and that he has to admit that he has given up.  I made the arrangements with him and took a deep breath on moved on.  I headed into Walmart and then over to Jane's.

Jane said that I have been strong for her and now it was time to let go and do what I need to do.  I decided that I would be there to help her until about 3:00 and then meet up with Scott and the kids.

I know things are catching up with, I can feel it in my body, mind and emotions.

I know I will be fine as the Lord holds my hand and offers his strength to me.

_______________

Out at Scott's, Amber, Amanda and I said at a table with their father ready to begin that hard talk that is never easy to have no matter where you are at in life, happy and healthy or sick and tired.

Scott is finally admitting to himself how sick he is and facing the reality of things if they go down fast and bad.  We really do not know everything that is wrong with him.  He has hep C, a bad liver and who knows what else.  He hasn't been well for a long time.  He continue to drinks and smoke.  He has given up.

His oldest girls got onto to him hard and want him to fight.  (I don't see the fight in him)
I sat quietly and let them talk to their father.  I nodded in agreement when I was looked at to see if I was on the same page.  I volunteered my support in whatever way they wanted it.  It broke my heart to see how much they want their dad to fight and to not give up and to see hope in feeling better or just accept and live out his life in a positive, strong way with his youngest kids.  I have seen him lose "his fight" for many years now and unless he pushes things aside and starts leaning on God again he will not have the strength to endure this journey.

Amber and Amanda got an a plane last night to head back to their lives and families they left behind while here visiting.  It was great for all 5 of them to get together.  I love it actually.  I took it all in while I was there, I could see how things could have been different had they been around more to have some influence on my three.

Thursday I will take Scott to Prescott for a colonoscopy.

Psalm 130:7-8

....put your hope in the Lord.
For there is faithful love
with the Lord,
and with Him is redemption
in abundance.
And He will redeem...

Close to Heaven

My Kids & His Kids

Sara, Karlee, Amanda, Scott, Kyle and Amber.  The Crenshaw Klan....

Scott is my ex-husband.  We have three children together and he had two before we met.  His oldest is 32 years old and his youngest is ours and she is 12 years old.

Kyle & his sisters

It was so fun seeing all of them together and capturing the moments to enjoy and cherish later.

Days, Moments & Life

Zucchini Pancakes yum!

Having fun with Jamberry nails

Sara being silly at Home Depot

signs of Fall

I love to people watch

using another new Thirty One purse to show as I use it

Decompress

One of the definitions of "decompress" is to calm down and relax.  Last night I found myself really needing to decompress.  These last few days have been long, emotional, intense, busy, crazy, and much more.

Being a care giver can be a simple "job" but at times....actually towards the end of each "job" is not easy, its hard and emotional.  The whole idea of a care giver is to care for someone who can no longer really care for themselves properly so that brings on so many things to do and feel.  I don't know about others but I don't' see how you can't get attached to the ones you care for or the ones you help care for their loved ones.

This evening all I can do to unwind and decompress is to sit on my comfy couch, listening to worship music.  The room is quite and its getting dark outside but the presence of the Lord is felt all around me.

Time had past and then I was ready to go upstairs and get cozy with my husband to watch a movie before calling it a day.

If your cup is low

Have you heard the saying about your cup being full or empty? Its full when you feel loved and encouraged and then if you are not quite full, its hard to give of yourself at times because you think you don't have anything else to give....no more energy and emotionally drained.

The other day I came home from a long, long day from work to find myself surrounded with encouragement, with God filling my cup when it was low.  It was such a wonderful, renewing feeling.

I had received a note from someone that I had sent a note of encouragement to about a year ago.  It was such a sweet and thoughtful note.

I also had received something that I had ordered two days earlier than expected and that was a great surprise.  It something from a coming that is just a simple powdered drink that will help naturally with losing some weight, feeling good and helping with my Fibro.  I did a two week trial and was excited with the results.

Then there was a box that was sent to me that I didn't expect at all.  It was from a friend with Thirty One.  It was a box full of goodies and a nice card inside.  I loved the fact that it was totally unexpected and it spoke of thankfulness, encouragement, fun and support.  She was telling me how much I had "rocked" (we are the Encouraging Rockstars) the summer with sales, and parties.  The box was like a little reward for it all.  Instead of texting her a simple thank you, I picked up my  phone and called.  She was happy I called.

All these little examples are simply to say that God is there and he knows.  God knows how to use things and people in ours to express his timing and love for us by caring for us through the little things that we can find in this life.  My cup was low but now its full again.

Thank you God for always looking out for me.  Thank you for keeping me full when I feel so drained and tired, now I can turn around give back with you helping me.  Thank you.

Better Together

The pictures are from the other night on the 3rd for our 7 year anniversary.  It was a beautiful night, with amazing food.  We enjoyed time out, and nice conversation.  I think we are better together and with hope and trust in God we will be alright.

Football, Fishing & Driving

Kyle plays on the JV team for Coconino.  He plays wide receiver and another position but I forgot the name of it.  But he has a different position depending if he is on defense or offense.  But on Friday, he was asked along with 3 others from the JV team to go play Varsity Friday night in Kingman!  So super excited but the down side was the game wasn't here at home BUT someone recorded while they played and posted it on Facebook!  So we watched it in our bedroom!

was "lost" but now "found"
These gloves are pretty snazzy looking.....its what Kyle wanted.  They were not cheap. Last week he calls me and says "mom do you want the good news or the bad?"  The good is above this pic (playing on varsity!) but the bad was someone stole his gloves.  But come Monday morning.....a team mate of his say "hey I have your gloves, you left them out on Friday so I put them in my locker and your helmet on the coaches desk."  Very very happy to hear that!!!  :)

We went to check out the new store, its another hunting/gun/fishing store :(  what we really need is another sports store to help Big 5 get with it...anyways there is Micah looking at some fishing stuff.....Fishing is like his "happy place"

So many choices....."which one do I want....."

Wow!  My boy is driving!  Now that he has his permit he always wants me to move out of the drivers seat.
I'm proud of him, he does a good job.

I'm really thankful for all the little things that can happen in a day.....