Settling in

Dillon has settled in quickly.....some things don't change.  I'm not sure if there is any comfort in that or not but he is a seventeen year old boy so that explains it.  The bright side is that the left overs will get eaten and won't go to waste.  He can do the trash again, and an addition to another dog walker.  The snacks aren't lasting as long and he's investigated everything in the pantry.  Two boys again in the house is a little loud and rough at times.  But all in all things are going alright.

 Except its going to be a long month with a restless young man that doesn't know what to do with himself.  I took him to the park yesterday for an hour so he could ride his bike.  Today he wanted to go to the mall and walk around, sorry I just don't want to. (he has several strict rules to follow, and a curfew all with supervison from his dad or me)

I continue to pray for him and ask that God will grab a hold of him and help him to see things His way and not his way.

Here is what happens when it rains and you have a teenager that has been inside way too long:

I really like this one....its hard to see but there is such a cute little boy in that teenage body that is happy like a child.

I take a deep breath as I continue to lean on God for his strength and wisdom in this family of mine.

Second Chances

Day two:
And the second chances begin.
I'm actually excited for all of us as whole family to have a clean slate to start over.

Okay hold your breath, go for a drive and clear your head.  As much as I was looking forward to starting over as a family with Dillon back in the house, I had to take an unplanned detour in the roller coaster relationship area with my husband.  It sort of shattered the excitement and brought me back to the cold reality of things.

(some things just don't change.  Harsh words exchanged ending with  tears and heartache.  Then in the next moment grace is given and forgiveness is asked for and love continues to move forward after crying out to Jesus and surrendering)

Micah and I shared a little ugly moment that left me in tears after he spoke harsh words to me.  I was crushed once again but uplifted my heavenly arms to keep walking forward and having hope shine bright in the distance.

(Forgiveness has settled in while the brokenness is put together with a few scattered pieces to move on into the next moment of offering hope and love despite it all...)

After my "time out" from the ugly little moment I went back home and started cooking dinner.  Later Micah apologized and hugged me and then we were on to the next moment in the evening.  We watched a movie together with Dillon downstairs and then said good night to Dillon before going into our room.  Micah sat on the edge of our bed starring out then he got up and stretched his arms and leaned his head back looking up for a moment then I saw the tears rolling down his cheeks.

(A broken man breaks down and sees things as hopeless and is ready to surrender everything if he knew it would get his son's attention)

Second chances are hard to give and they are hard to do.  Micah tried having a conversation with his that he hoped would point him in the right direction for good things to start happening.  The conversation fell on "I know" dad, or that doesn't have anything to do with it......

Micah wants so badly to get through to Dillon.  I sat beside Micah holding him while he crumbled with the hopelessness that he was feeling.  I spoke words of hope and encouragement only to find a wall in its place.  I silently cried out to the Lord and asked for him to make his presence known to Micah and to bring him peace and hope.  I got up to brush my teeth and Micah rolled over to his side to fall quickly to sleep.

(a wife offered love and hope with a raw heart from earlier only to feel more heartache for a man who doesn't see....)

Second Chances........

(Lord help me to keep moving towards my husband even though he walks away from me.  Be with us Lord, help us, mend us and bond us together.)

Unexpected Surprise

Yesterday started out like any other day.  I went to work.  Micah went to another court date for Dillon.  I get a text from Micah with about 30 minutes left of work and it said that Dillon was being released.

It took all day long but Micah finally brought him home around 4:30, to be greeted with hugs from Kyle & Sara (I had met up with Micah at the jail earlier in the day and got my hug then)  They were happy to see him.

The first thing Dillon had said when we had seen him was how weird it felt wearing clothing again and shoes.  I also don't think he will wear the color yellow for a long time.

I picked up Karlee from volleyball practice and she had a good day.  I had decided not to say anything to her and let her discover herself that Dillon was home.  We get home and I couldn't help it, I had her put her stuff down and then asked her to follow me upstairs.  I said I'd like her to meet a new member of our family.....and opened the boys bedroom door.

Karlee was surprised and a huge hug was exchanged by both.  It brought on watery eyes for a brief moment.

Micah took Dillon out for a one on one dinner and I fixed french bread pizza for the rest of us.

Micah was happy his boy was home.

(He is out on pretrial services, meaning he has to follow whatever they set up and if he does well then when he is sentenced on September 30th he will more than likely get probation.  If he doesn't comply then he will get some prison time)

The "Painter's Wife"

Saturday night Micah and I went to a party of someone he has worked with that was turning 60 years old.  I was excited about just getting out and doing something with Micah.  I can't think of the last "adult" party we have been too.  I soon started feeling a little awkward.  At first there were not many people there but it didn't take long for the house to fill.  The house was beautiful and the backyard with the deck all set to entertain was really nice.  We hadn't been there long but I managed to introduce myself to the people that looked at me after noticing who I came with.  The painter...Micah the painter.  One gentlemen I think embarrassed Micah some because he made a comment about him not introducing me.  I 'teased and said yes the painter has a wife. (I realize now I probably shouldn't have said that but...)

Moving on there were a few people that as I weaved in and out of people to get some food or a drink they would point out and say "oh there is Micah the painter" and then I found myself smiling and saying yes, and I'm the painters wife.  The two ladies thought that was cute and introduced themselves to me and praised Micah for all the good work he had done for them.

Finally Micah started to introduce me to people, but I couldn't help but notice how it seemed awkward for him to do.  It went straight to my achy heart but I was determined to be his wife and look the part.  There were moments I found myself standing by myself.  I would go stand next to Micah but there were a few times I ventured off and mingled.  I struck up conversations with the ones I thought there was something in common with, like one of the girlfriends that had coached a little girls softball team that Sara had played against.  There was a very nice couple that, the wife I felt like I had heard her voice before and had spoken to her on the phone before.  It turns out that she was a counselor at Coconino and knew of Dillon and his issues.  She is now at Sinagua doing something in the office.  Her husband I found out works for the El Paso Natural Gas Company.  Well that was perfect!  My dad and both my grandpas had been "gas company brats"

At one point I stood next to Micah and put my hand on the small of his back and let it rest there for a minute then rubbed it and let go.  I let go before the tears that could have been found quickly could build up in my eyes.  I couldn't help but realize that in Micah's eyes we are only husband and wife in name and paper beyond that there is.......a friendship.....but not a marriage.

I have struggled with this for some time now and I continue to lean on God for all that he provides and soothes in my life.  God whispers his promises to me and reassures me over and over.  I continue to love my husband.  God has a plan and he will take care of things.

Doctor, Kids, Husband & Dogs

This week was filled with doctor appointments for me but we finally have answers.  I had my feet looked at and I have bunions.  The one on my left hurts really bad so I had bunion surgery scheduled for next week but then I cancelled it and have postponed it for a while.  Instead of bunion surgery I will probably have a hysterectomy in the near future.  I have fibroids in my uterus and a cyst on my left ovary.  My mom had fibroids years ago and had a hysterectomy too.  Apparently if someone in your family has had them then the chances for you are high.  Feeling so lucky......not!  They are not fun to have and can be quite painful too and cause other little symptoms that are not comfortable.  But I'm glad we know what is going on, I had already figured out that is what was going on.....now its a process of waiting and paper work.  I have to wait for a referral to go see a gynecologist, have another exam and then look at options.  In the meantime I will just hang in there with taking ibuprofen and taking it easy when the pain is real bad.

On the lighter side of life....my little Sara is such a bright corner of my life.  She is so sweet, and loving.  Lately is has been so bubbly with happiness.  She is my little sunshine.  If she doesn't get a hug or a little kiss from me she seems to wilt.  She is also my little book worm.  She has been reading the Narnia Series and has been going through them quickly and enjoying them, I think she is on the 3rd one.  I love how she picks up on moments when I might not be as happy and she tries to pick up the mood.

My husband has been really stressed out with work and people that he works for lately.

My hours at work continue to decrease again but maybe with all that is going on with what the future will bring with a few surgeries that its a good idea since I will miss some work after either of them.

Dogs.....well Cassie is still around, she's a little at times with being on that steroid, it makes her really hungry and have to pee a lot.  She acts like we don't feed her, last night she was licking our bed...crazy little dog!  

Today Karlee and Kyle are going to go on a little river rafting trip with the youth group.  I think they will have a good time.  Micah was going to go to work today but it looks like rain so I don't think he will go after all.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do today.....maybe clean a little and then read and write some.  Anyways life goes on in this busy household of mine.

Upon a closer look

I looked up the word futile in reference to my reading of Ecclesiastes and I also looked more at the phrase that was used 29 times, under the sun.

Futile-
incapable of producing any result; in effective, useless; not successful

lack of effectiveness or success or quality of having no useful result

lack of meaning or purpose.

Our efforts are futile without God!

"under the sun"
I took it as meaning "on earth" but maybe looking deeper it means "a live without God"

Ecc 8:9 All this I have seen and applied my mind to every deed that has been done under the sun wherein a man has exercised authority over another man to his hurt.

I found this by R.C. Sproul that I think sums things up quite nicely and I can understand.

The utter meaninglessness of life from an earthbound perspective that does not take into account the creator God is one of the main points of the book of Ecclesiastes. Again and again, the Preacher contrasts life “under the sun” with “life under heaven,” the former referring to the perspective that looks at everything and concludes that the only thing that exists is what is visible to the human eye. The conclusions that logically flow from such a perspective are presented repeatedly in Ecclesiastes, only to be refuted from the vantage point that sees things “under heaven” — in reference to the covenant Lord of Israel.

Under the sun, everything is vanity (Eccl. 1:2–3). The term vanity comes from the Hebrew word hebel, which means something like “vapor” or “breath.” What is being conveyed is fleetingness. Like vapor, everything is fleeting apart from reference to the Creator, and therefore everything is ultimately futile. Hard work produces gain for the worker for only a short while until his death (vv. 3–4). People run after new sights and sounds to entertain them, but nothing can satisfy (v. 8). Men and women strive to fill the emptiness they feel, but all their efforts are to no avail.

Only the existence of the transcendent God can provide us with any meaning. Life lived with reference to Him — under heaven — is never an exercise in futility.

As Christians, we are to live life “under heaven” — aware of the Lord who sees us and who will render judgment on what we have done. This means we should be serious about learning His will and fulfilling it in all that we do. On the one hand, the Lord’s grace means we should not fear that He is out to get us when we fail. On the other hand, we must not take this grace for granted but strive to live lives of service to our great King.

I'm Nothing

The last few days I've been reading in Ecclesiastes.  It has been a little depressing reading it but at the same time it shines brightly with hope too.  It expresses over and over that God is the answer.  He is where our hearts, bodies and soul should be.  He is where we need to focus on and turn to.  That without Him we are nothing!  Nothing!  Apart from God, life is empty and unsatisfying.  Without Him we can not be fulfilled.

Reading this has really made me look at my life an dhow there is a time for everything.  And that time is short and how temporary things really are here on earth in this world.  Its important at all times to thing and look heavenward.

Instead of trying to "fill" up our home and lives with what is in this world, the things we think will bring happiness, we need to fill up our eternal home with everlasting treasures of God.  I see now how I've complained and have been so focused on what I don't have and instead I should be rejoicing in the Lord with what I do have now and I will have in Him.

Its almost as if all that we do here is a waste of time and energy, if God isn't apart of it.  Apart of everything! I don't want to concern myself with "items" being left to my loved ones when my time is up, rather I want to leave a legacy of love, His love.

To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.  Ecc 3:1

Life doesn't always make sense...but there's still a God who understands.  (so grateful)

Apart from God, life is empty-I'm nothing without Him.

Check this off the list and Add that...

Ok last week I had blood drawn for the basic panel type testing and it all came back fine.....nothing to worry about and my thyroid is fine.  So now I have one more thing to take care of and that will be the well women's visit.  I'm actually trying to speed that up from the 26th since I'm having other issues but we'll see.  In the mean time another moment has to happen and then the next......

Yesterday was the 3rd day of school and my daughter's phone was stolen out of her gym bag in the girls locker room.  Today she goes to school and gets it back.  It had been turned in to the office after being found in the school parking lot.  It doesn't seem to be damaged.  But seriously......

My son and youngest daughter haven't had any problems in school and seem to be liking their teachers and all so all is well there.

My husband.....well he found out today that his dog, Cassie is dying.  She has a progressive cancer, lymphoma and has a month to a year to live.

Wow!  what a crazy few days its been and the week isn't even over yet.....almost though

Always hanging in there with Christ and constantly praying
I'm still have much to be thankful for in my life and family.

Discouraging Days

Lately I have found myself feeling really discouraged.  I also find that as much as I want to "enjoy" the feeling and want to hide I just can't.  He won't let me.  He brings me back to the moment and comforts me with knowing he is there and he knows and he will provide.  Then I take a few moments to "chill out" and re-group and then I go to the next moment......

Thankful that I turn over my life to my Lord and Savior daily :)

A Good Weekend

Okay so let me catch you up some before the weekend talk.  Thursday I went to the doctor and had a check up.  Since my Fibromyligia has really been bothering me for a while now I decided to get back on meds from the doctor.  Then I brought up a few other concerns and I have a women's wellness check up later in the month.  Tuesday I will go give some blood to have them test for the basic panel of things and my thyroid too.  Since then I've slowly started to get back on track with the Fibro and feeling alittle better.  My husband informed me that we can start going back to the gym starting September.(we had our membership on hold for a year)  So I'm looking forward to that, I really need to move more, go for my evening walks again and on my little hikes too.

Friday:  My girls and I spent the day in Phoenix with Karlee's friend's mother and her daughter.  She drove and we went from store to store.  We shopped for school clothing deals and found some good deals.  We had a good time.  I was amazed at how many malls and stores are all over that area, and how we'd be in Scottsdale then Mesa and wherever we ended up.  We eventually had to stop for a yummy green tea from Starbucks to replenish our energy.  I did noticed at how well my girls looked for the good deals and really weighed out if they wanted to purchase a certain item or not, especially Karlee since she was using money that she had earned.

Saturday:  The girls, Micah & I went to Scottsdale to spend some time visiting his grand dad and his Dad.  We enjoyed lunch together and good conversation.

Lou Trevathan

Father & Son

Oh and we met this guy.....

Sunday:
We went to church.  It was a good sermon.  Then Micah surprised us by taking us out to China Star for lunch.  The girls and I went to visit Dillon and then we got our nails done. Made spaghetti for dinner and encouraged the girls to go to sleep soon to get ready for their big first day back at school. (Kyle has been with his dad since Thursday....I miss him)  I went for a walk this evening to end the day and talked to a friend who was really great at just listening to me :) God is great in all that he does for us daily even when we have a discouraging moment.

Weekend over, now its time to start a new week with new joys and blessings waiting around the corner.....

Doors Open or Closed?

I'm a little confused.  My hours with work have been almost nothing and the job searching isn't going well.  I get emails back saying no thanks or the position has been filled.  There was this one job I thought would be perfect for me but apparently it wasn't in His plan.

Now my hours have increased some as of a few hours ago......

So I'm not sure which doors are opening or closing but I will just keep going with the flow with what I have now and keep trusting God.

I do know that with whatever "job" I do it needs to be flexible and family friendly and I need to have Tuesday mornings for bible study/women's ministry.  So with all that said I know that God knows my heart desires so it's all in His hands.

More of the same

More of the same......Life
Life just keeps going on and God is always there.

Thursday I went to work for a client.  I checked my phone to see the time I had left, 15 minutes left before I could clock out and say I was done.  I looked at my phone and saw all the messages I had missed, from my husband.  The last text had said that he needed a ride to the urgent care.  I left my client early and they were very sweet and said no worries.  I headed home to pick Micah up.  Again I get to drive his truck :)  the first time was to take him to the urgent care for his ankle and now......here is the second time to the urgent care for his ankle.  Yes, his ankle again!

He went down town to check his mail and he jumped out to go in to check it and was unaware of the giant, deep crack in the street.  (darn city) and as he stepped in it his ankle turned in so many ways it possible could and made so many strange painful noises.  It swelled up instantly to the size of a baseball and Micah was grinning and baring it.  We both thought he broke it for sure this time and prayed that he didn't.

It turned out to be a very very bad sprain (worse than the 1st time).  So out he came with crutches and on our way to Walmart for pain meds.  It didn't take long for him to ditch the crutches and get back to work no matter what he should be doing.  We had new renters to prepare for downstairs, and the bathroom still needed to be painted.  I was his gopher and he managed to get it done and finally call it a day and put his foot up with ice on it.

(earlier in the day, before Micah went to the post office he had a truck in front of him pop up a rock from the road and land on his windshield and put a huge crack in it......)

Friday Karlee went to work with Micah.  (crutches in the corner of the room) and then I ran around with the other two doing varies errands.

I'm so thankful that God took care of Micah's ankle, it could have been worse and then we'd face how to survive with Micah not being able to work but instead its just more of the same......life in the world with God beside each of us.