Last Week

Last Week was a busy week, every spare moment I was making sure I had everything ready for Karlee's Birthday party.

The week was good.  Tuesday was really neat.  I had such an urge from the Lord to reach out to someone at our table.  It was such a strong feeling, a gentle push with the right words supplied by the Lord.  I thanked Him on my way out to the van.  It was such an alive feeling....hard to explain but good.

Wednesday, my beautiful daughter turned 16 years old.  I surprised her by going into her room to wake her up with a huge red velvet cupcake and sang "happy birthday" to her.  I went to youth group with the kids, to take fun pictures of the youth and the part where Karlee sat in the "hot seat" and you could raise your hand and give her a compliment then you could ask a question and she had to answer it honestly. That was fun to observe.  I even learned about one of her embarrassing moments (I didn't even know)

Thursday, I made it to home group. I'm so happy to get started again.

Saturday was great!  Karlee's party was a success.  My brother and his wife surprised Karlee for her party.  They live in Los Lunas NM.  That was a nice short visit.

There were moments that had me down but God was faithful in showing me a blessing or a joy to bring me right back up again.

my brother Jason & his wife Bea

A great group of kids!

Sweet 16!

Karlee Marie Crenshaw

A daughter is :  the happy memories of the past, they joyful moments of the present, and the hope and promise of the future.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter, I love you.

My living room

I was walking down stairs from my room, down into the living area/kitchen and I noticed how full my living room was. (at times I felt a charge of frustration rise up inside of me)  I soon realized after observing the teenagers that I had just walked onto a mission field.  Yes, I have a mission field in my living room.

At first I haven't been to thrilled to have a full house of Dillon's friends/girlfriend but after interacting with them I discovered how they need people to come along side and accept them, and listen to them and then with the Lord's help to be a Christlike example that they can walk away and wonder about....(hoping the seed has been planted to start growing)

There is one girl I met that my heart went out to immediately.  She looks like a lost teenager but she is closer to being found than she even knows.  Her life has not been easy.  Her mother has nothing to do with her, she lives with her dad and little brother.  She holds no bitterness towards her mother and continues to try to reach out to her despite the negative response that she gets over and over again.

I went back upstairs to share with Micah how I felt and that we have an opportunity here in our own home to make a difference in these young lives and that we should take the Lord up on the task that he has placed in our living room.  He agreed and understood.

Now when I have a full living room I approach with more patience and grace no matter how many teenagers I may find on my couch, in my chairs, sharing my space with them for a few hours.

Thank you Lord for this opportunity that you have given to me.  Please help me with this task, giving me wisdom and grace.

A Peaceful Weekend

Started off with the Women's Mission Coffee Connection with these beautiful ladies,

Lunch time!

rearranging the balcony and sweeping with my little helper

Karlee and her friend Coral

set up "shop"

Have to make a mess to clean up a mess :)

Re-doing closet

Happy to have shelves to organize

I couldn't find Sara for a long time and look where I found her....spending time with Dillon drawing (this scene brought a huge smile to my face with a warm fuzzy feeling.)

Sweet moment.

Dillon's drawing :)

Karlee & I went to the church in the evening to help babysit for a mission's thing.

The finished closet....ready to fill it up.

It was a great weekend.  Everyone getting along....just peaceful.

Dillon at first said he wasn't going to church (Micah staying home to finish closet).  Then when it was time to head out the door for church Dillon surprised me and said he was going after all.  That made me happy, and I wouldn't have to sit in church by myself.

Thank you Lord for this peaceful and restful weekend.

Psalm 31 the other day

I wrote this a couple days ago after thinking about my hike.

9-19-13
Wow Psalm 31 totally describes my hike the other day.  Jane was right.  I laughed when she mentioned it, but after reading it out load I saw the message that was being sent to me in all that weather I found myself in on my hike.

Despite my anger, frustration, sadness and fear, questions God brought me to my knees to depend on Him and he was there with me.  I was not alone.  He still took care of me even though I was in the middle of sin with my thoughts.  He brought me to peacefulness and rest in Him as I finished up my hike and made it to the van, while walking slow, stiff and cold.  I was calm and filled with warmth and peace inside.

Psalm 19:12-14

Who perceives his unintentional sins?  Cleans me from my hidden faults moreover keep me from willful sins; do not let them rule over me.  Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer. Amen

Prov 19:21
Many plans are in a man's heart, but the Lord's decree will prevail.

A Hike?

Gosh I don't even know where to start!  I wanted to write about all the blessings and insight that the Lord gave me this past week but all I can really focus on was the hike I went on yesterday.

I was so excited to go on this hike to Fisher Point.  I have done part of it twice, once on my own and once with a friend but have never completed it.  I was determined to complete the hike to the end point.  It was 6.4 miles to the Fisher Point Vista.  Along the way starting out I was happy, and energized.  I struggled the last 2 miles but I made it.  I reached the end and it was a beautiful site!  I took my shoes and sock off and sat on the edge of a rock and dangled my feet and took in the view.  I ate a snack and had some water, took a few pictures.  I put my socks and shoes back on feeling refreshed and ready to begin my journey back down the trail back to the van to go home.  On the way up I had asked God not to down pour on me, and he gave me a few light rain drops and a wonderful cloudy breeze but on the way back was a totally different story....

I started my way back and I felt odd, I began feeling frustrated with my parts of my life and found myself talking to God and questioning things.  I was also a little angry and sad.  I'm really not sure what happened.
Then as I decided to dismiss all the negative things I was feeling and wanted to focus on that point that I had felt refreshed but then the sky fell out on top of me!

Yes I felt like the little duck that said the sky is falling, the sky is falling.  The rain came down hard, making it hard to see in front of me.  Then the hail came along and pounded on me.  The trail began to flood making it very difficult to keep on it.  I found myself in a panic and not enjoying the feeling at all.  I just wanted it to stop raining so I could get to the van.  The lightening flashed bright and loud and that is when I felt scared.  Yes I was scared, wet and cold!  I cried some and then I screamed some too.  Yes, I cried out in panic to the Lord but all that happened was more rain, harder and more hail.  I found myself questioning God and I think, yes, I think even a little angry and frustrated that I was out on this trail in the middle of all this weather!

I found myself "sucking it up" and I kept moving forward, at this point I was soaked so it didn't matter that I was getting wet, there was no place to get in out of the rain from so the only thing to do was to keep walking forward however I could to get to the van. I had a back pack on and in it was my camera and phone.  I wasn't happy about being soaked but I knew there was nothing I could do.  I just hoped that my things would be alright and not ruined.  More importantly I just wanted off the trail and to the van and not wanting to find myself slipping and sliding down the mountain like the water on the trail was doing on the edge of the mountain.

At one point on the last leg of the last mile I found myself saying to myself  "I'm not alone, God is with me and I am with him, and I'm almost there."  I said this over and over and found comfort in it, especially as the lightening boomed and flashed around me.

I saw the van in sight but as much as I wanted to run to it, I couldn't.  I was stiff and cold, found it hard to walk and I moved very slow.  I get to the van and found my fingers weren't really working with me to get the keys out and the door opened.  Finally I got in and I started the van and the heater and sat there for a brief moment.  I got my camera out and looked it over and my phone, neither were not soaked.  The outside of them were sprinkled lightly with water but I dried them quickly.  Then I headed home.

During the drive home I was picturing caring people wondering where have I been, and that they were trying to get a hold of me and that I didn't know it because my phone died.  But instead I found the house empty except for my son on the coach watching a movie and he looked at me weird and wondered why I didn't turn back sooner.

I went upstairs and go in the hot shower.  It seemed forever to get warm. I never got a hug of comfort from my husband or words of concern....only laughs and teasing words.  As the evening went on I found it hard to walk, my knees hurt so bad and my ankles and my back.  But that only brought on amusement for others in my discomfort.

I'm not sure what to think about the whole experience really, I've tried to reflect on it but I haven't had the energy to really focus on it.  Oddly enough I found doing simple things like load the dish washer to be a little sore, my stomach muscles feel like I did tons of sit ups....was all that to strengthen them before having surgery next month??

The one thing I do know is that I was not alone through the entire hike and I do find comfort in that despite how I felt in the middle of it all at the time.

Made the most out of it

I like it when it when he smiles.

My little miss sunshine enjoying her bike at the park.

Dillon needed to get out of the house and have some fun on his bike.

Friday I had to work in the afternoon to the evening so I was trying to cram as much as I could before going in to work.  Dillon wanted to go to the park, so I took him for about an hour before going to work.

Karlee turns 16 on the 25th of this month.  She wanted a picture to put on her invitations for her birthday party. 

Sisters......warms my heart when they enjoy being around each other.

We took several pictures, not sure which one to use yet.....

Silly girls....I love them so much!

So on Saturday you can see that I managed to do a "photo shoot" with my daughters before the rain, and before going to work. Yes, it rained and rained.  It's been raining lately so I did not get my nature walk in.

Kyle was gone all weekend on his first boy scout camping trip, they went to Blue Ridge.  I'm so excited to see how the Lord will work in his heart as he begins this new journey into Boy Scouts.

Sunday was a mixture of sun and clouds for me.....my heart was tender for some reason.  I really enjoyed the worship music so much!  It was perfect with the lights down low, the sound of heavy rain coming down outside and beautiful heartfelt music.

All the songs were awesome.  I really felt His spirit during the chorus of this song.....

O-o-o, the Goodness of God

is flooding my heart with peace

O-o-o, the goodness of God 

is bringing me to my knees

or this one....

I Stand in Awe

You are beautiful beyond description

Too marvelous for words

Too wonderful for comprehension

Like nothing ever seen or heard

Who can grasp Your infinite wisdom

Who can fathom the depths of You love

You are beautiful beyond description

Majesty enthroned above

And I stand, I stand in awe of You

Holy God, to whom all praise is due

I stand in awe of You

Later into the day I picked up Kyle from his camping trip and took him out to join his sisters at their dad's.  It was his birthday.  I took Dillon along with me, we stayed for a little while then headed home.  On the way home all the kids got the idea that they really needed to stop at Little America to get a .50 ice cream cone. So we did.  I enjoyed one too.

I tore off a chunk of my heart that had been hurting and shared it with my husband.....it fell on deaf ears only to being silly to avoid the seriousness of what I had expressed.  We hugged.

My heart was tender, and I was struggling with my emotions, it wasn't going to take much for me to loose some control and not handle the next situation the best way.  Dillon and I got into it over something not worth much attention at all but voices were raised and attitudes exchanged and ended with him walking out and me throwing silverware across the counter in the kitchen before I went up stairs.

Sara finished up with her bath and came in and gave me a hug and asked if I was alright.  I replied "always, I'm always alright".  I smiled through my watery eyes and gave her a hug.

I felt bad for the moment that had happened, silence was between Dillon and I the rest of the night and I could feel the distance move farther away with Micah and I.  My heart was crushed again at this point.  I sat in the floor of my closet and cried silently as I prayed to God.

Micah and I ended the evening with watching a movie and he surprised me when he pulled me in his arms and kissed me....not just a short little peck :)  My heart was alittle more sunny after that moment.  He told me that he loved me and then we brushed our teeth and went to bed.

God is so good in all moments of live.  He is there in all the little moments that I try to squeeze into my day and He is there when my heart is tender providing me the strength that I need to stand up again, helping me make the most of it.

So grateful

The rest of the week

The rest of my week has been uneventful (and that is fine with me).  I have worked a few good shifts these last couple of days, it was nice to get some hours in.  I find myself really tired today but I feel like I've gotten lots of things done before I have to go into work this afternoon.

Kyle is ready for his first boy scout canoe/camping trip.  I'm excited for him.  I know that this all will be a good thing for him, I just hope he sticks with it and sees the reward in the end of being a boy scout.

Karlee has been busy with volleyball and school.  She gets home late from practice or a game and then stays up late to do homework.  She hasn't been feeling good lately, a cough that is driving her crazy.  I think I will make her take it easy this weekend.

Sara has been busy with school and friends, always on the go with someone.  She started dance at school yesterday. She loved it.  (I just have to figure out how to get the registration paid for)  I wish I had been able to let you do dance last year too but....this is her last year at Elementary so she will make the most of it.

Dillon has a girlfriend now.  He has several friends he talks about often (I hope they are the right kind of friends)  He has been doing alright.  He gets a little frustrated about not being able to run around outside with his friends when he wants.

Micah has been busy with work and getting over a cold.  He has been wanting to go fishing really bad.  I hope he can take a break from working this weekend and go find him a fishing hole!

I'm looking forward to taking it easy this weekend before and after an afternoon shift of work tomorrow.  I feel like going out on a nature walk maybe or somewhere to go take pictures.  But I will take one day at time.

How do you not celebrate your anniversary?

Yesterday Micah & I have been married for 4 years now.  It was an interesting day with ups and downs and blessings in between.

I woke up like a normal morning, went to check and make sure the kids were up for school and found one missing in his bed.  Yep you guessed it, Dillon.  (found out later that he met up with a friend and walked to school early....not suppose to leave the house before 7:00am)

My husband sat on the bed to check his email and look at facebook.  He in is round about way mentioned our anniversary...sort of....He said oh look so and so has an anniversary today too.

I head out the door to work at the church for Linda and attend ladies bible study.  I didn't think things were bothering me so much.  I was frustrated at Dillon but other than that I had told myself that today was just another day and  planned on not expecting much of anything to happen.

I get to the office and try to log in onto the computer.  I can't!  I soon find out that the password had been changed and I wasn't notified.  I began to think well this is hopeless....what good am I going to be here today.  Our tech guy changed the password back to what I knew it to me :)  So all is well again.

I go into the staff meeting feeling a little.....I don't know just not settled.  The meeting gets wrapped up and then we all took turns praying.  I sat there listening to the others and thought that I would just pass on my turn.  But I didn't.  I also felt the presence of the holy spirit surround us all, I felt consumed by it.  I chocked out....yes I started to cry...why?  I don't know I just felt so heavy with emotions.  I barely muttered out a pray about families, parents and children.  By now it was apparent why I was really there and why I was feeling as I did.  Some questions were asked and then more praying went on and then I headed to the ladies room to dab up what makeup was left on my face to look presentable for the ladies bible study. ( thinking okay "I'm fine now, its all out of my system")

I was in the office trying to make copies and do things for the one that was going to give the study and then....it happened I crumbled and started to cry like a baby.  My mind was rolling around the reality of how my husband didn't really want to celebrate our anniversary...and then to wonder what is going on with Dillon. I just didn't want any part of it anymore!

Moving on....another one of the ladies who knows me well enough to see through me came along side and took me in the hall and prayed with me.

I had no words this time to share with my husband.  In the past I had written a little "love letter" or a card expressing things to him.  The words were not placed there this time.  It was really just another day.  The whole day went on without a word between us about what today was.

We ended the evening with going out for dinner together.  We went to have Greek food that neither of us have had or been too.  It was a nice dinner, the food was good and we talked about every day type things and then we went home, got comfy to watch a movie and settle in for the night.

At the restaurant while talking and enjoying our food, there were two moments that I caught and held on to quickly.  I caught him looking at me and then he smiled.  The other was the way he looked at me when I made him laugh with my silliness that comes out every now and again.  The softness in his eyes and the reflection of a deeper emotion was nice in those brief sweet moments

Before we had went in to the house after we got home, I told him thank you for dinner and then he leaned in and gave me two soft small lingering kisses, parting with a smile on his face, I gave a smile back to him.