A rough start but a nice afternoon

Today started off a little rocky.  My step-son and I exchanged a few ugly words and then he left to go to work with his dad.  The other three kids were out and about with friends and busy.  I had decided that I was finally going to go on my scenic drive and take some beautiful fall pictures.  I couldn't wait to find a group of tall colorful aspen trees to take pictures.  So I was all ready to head out and drive by myself to the Snow bowl.  I was almost there when Micah text me and asked if I had left yet.  He said that Dillon didn't want to work and he wanted to go with me.  I turned around and drove to the other side of town to get Dillon. 

We grabbed a bit to eat at Jack in the Box and then headed to the Snow bowl.  We turned on to the road and I began my journey up the road and was soon sadly disappointed to see a bunch of naked trees!  Every Aspen tree that we saw was bare with no leaves.  I drove all the way to the top.  Dillon laughing thinking it was funny listening to me complain about the darn naked trees.  We got to the top and then headed back down.  He tells me that he knows of a place that would have some trees.  I tried to tell him that if the trees up here were naked then all the other trees elsewhere would be naked too.

We drove out for awhile and then I saw a sign that said San Francisco Scenic Route.  Dillon was telling me that this place was where he went on several field trips in elementary.  I wasn't sure he was going to remember what he was talking about but I kept driving anyways.  Then he saw the place to turn and told me to turn, so I did.  We saw a several signs that told about the area.  It was called the Kendrick Park Watchable Wildlife....I don't know something like that.

By now I had to get out, all that driving was making my body stiff and ache.   We get out to the cool refreshing breeze and beautiful wooded surroundings.  Dillon and I decide to walk on the trail and look around.  Our surroundings were quite pretty.  The view of the San Francisco Peaks was nice.  On our walk further in on the trail we did find a few Aspen trees that weren't quite so naked so I was happy.  I made the most of it despite being surrounding by naked trees.

Dillon and I had a nice afternoon.  I was nice to have his company.  I discovered that I don't give him enough credit at times.  He is like a walking map.  He really knows where places are and remembers where he has been quite well.   I enjoyed our time talking about different things.  It was a big difference compared to this morning.   I really think I can see God's grace woven through the whole afternoon.  Thank you

Getting this Fibro thing figured out!

Having Fibromyalgia is the one of the most frustrating things to deal with.  The worst is when its cold.  I have figured out that when it comes to drinking my favorite hazelnut coffee it needs to be decaf now. There are times that sugar bothers me, so I watch and limit the sweets.  I love pizza but now it will have to be those fancy gourmet white pizzas without the tomato sauce.  Potatoes don't like my tummy anymore.  I love tacos but I will have to do flour instead of corn.  Pita chips are good, or I fry up flour tortillas as chips and sprinkle chipotle on them, they are quite yummy.  I"m eating more fruits and veggies and drinking green tea and lots of water.

As far as exercise, well that is still a struggle for me.  I have discovered that yoga does well with my body and actually seems to give me some energy too.  I go for walks when I can.  I was walking on the treadmill at the gym but that was not agreeing with me either.  I plan on trying out swimming.  If swimming works then I will do that and yoga.

My emotions are all over the place at times.  My energy level goes up and down too.

I don't sleep well and I take melatonin to help with that.  Its frustrating if I don't get enough rest because when I'm tired that affects how I feel over all.  There are times I find that the best thing I need is to lay down and take a little nap. (not too long because it will affect my sleeping later at night)

I take a multi-vitamin, MSM (which helps with the pain), B-12 to help with energy and stress, calcium.  Those seem to get me through the day.  I have my most energy from about 10 am to 3 pm, I've noticed. 

I'm along way from having it all figured out but enough to feel somewhat better at times and that helps.

My Marriage One Word Prayer

Micah & I

UNITY

oneness with Christ

in harmony together

working together for one purpose

complete

Lord I pray for unity in my marriage. 

I pray for completeness with You Lord.

One Word Prayers

The other day I came across this in one of my online devotionals.  I wanted to share it with you all.  It also made me think of how I could pray for my children using one word to focus on with God.  So below you'll find the words I chose for each of my children to pray on. 

 (I did not write the beautiful words below in the poem)

I just breathe the name of "Jesus"

when my heart is filled with fear.

And though I cannot see His face,

I know that He is near.

When I whisper "Jesus" softly

I'm admitting I'm in need.

By calling out that precious name,

my stress-bound soul is freed.

It's a one-word prayer I utter 

when I'm not sure what to pray.

It's a prayer of sweet surrender

when I'm weary of "my way".

I pray "Jesus" when I'm worried

or when I'm depressed.

I say "Jesus" when my mind's confused

or when my life's a mess.

It's a prayer He always answers

as He gives me eyes to see

evidences of His presence

and His tender love for me.

Dillon.  His word will be Revelation

1.  God's vast love for him

2.  God's amazing plans for his life

3.  His identity in Christ not in his circumstances 

Kyle.  His word will be Crave

1.  God's word will become known and sought after in all areas of his life.

2.  God is the truth and His truth will live in his life.

3.  God is the way and His way will shine through his life as he grows closer to Him.

Karlee.  Her word will be Comfort
1.  God is with her always.
2.  God is the one who teaches, guides, soothes, and stands with her in her life as she grows.
3.  God will bring peace, hope, joy and love to her always.

Sara.  Her word will be Seek
1.  God will provide for all her needs.
2.  God is always with her and does not leave her side.
3.  God will provide her strength and power as she leans on Him.

A Heavy Heart

These are some verses that have helped me lighten my heart, have comfort and peace knowing that the Lord our God is with me during times in my life I feel like my heart is heavy.  They encourage me and give me hope too.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

    Philippians 4:6

Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;    Philippians 1:6

Psalm 91: 14-16 (The Msg)

"If you'll hold on to me for dear life," says God,

"I'll get you out of any trouble. I'll give you the care

if you'll only get to know me and trust me.  Call me and 

I'll answer, be at your side in bad times;

I'll rescue you, then throw you a party.  I'll give you a

long life, give you a long drink of salvation!"

What more is there really to say.... except comfort and peace, thank you Lord.

A Glimmer of Hope

There are moments that I'm discouraged.

But during those times a glimmer of hope sparkles.

You don't let the moment gleam through often.

Sometimes the glimmer shows up in the words you say

actions expressed

in your teasing funny way

or in the silence and look in your eyes

but if I look instead of being dismayed I will

see that glimmer of hope beaming brightly for that instant.

It only takes a minute to feel inspired again.

And in that glimmer of a second it radiates with hope,

  helping me to keep moving forward. 

Hanging on tightly with the love in my heart for you

and hope in my hand to grow closer to you

as we share our lives together.

Observations & Odd thoughts

my kids don't like when I'm not home in the evenings.

I'm suppose to know where everything is....."mom where are my shoes?" well I don't know its not like I wore them last

everyone knows how to make a sandwich but apparently I make it better...with love

when I don't get enough sleep I suffer through out the day and possibly others around me...sorry

my children are growing and changing so quickly

if I don't put things out there with love then the others response isn't in love either

in the long run it is cheaper to buy the yummy ingredients that you need to make your own wonderful "Starbucks" coffee drinks

children know just when the right time to give you a hug when maybe you think you don't want one

God is always working my life even when I don't think he is

not having good luck with the little cactus plants that I brought home this summer from my mom....I at least thought I couldn't kill a cactus...seriously  :(

when your spirits are low...pay someone a complement and you both will be smiling inside and out

God gives us grace and we should give grace to others...especially our children.  When grace is given its amazing what happens next....

I'm thankful that Micah has plenty of work but its hard at times dealing with him away working.  I can't wait until his job in Camp Verde is complete.

The pantry is full, the fridge is full with food yet the kids still can't find anything for snack after school.  I really don't understand :)

I love looking at all the trees that have changed to fall colors

its odd how much better I feel about myself after shaving my legs that hadn't been shaved for a few days since the weather is cooler....funny and odd what can I say!

I'm so glad that I know how to use the grill to cook on instead of waiting for the man of the house to come home and use it....I actually enjoy grilling on the grill.

If there is just one dish in the sink for a brief amount of time...it gives the impression to the kids that the dishwasher is full and they should pile their dish in the sink too.  (the dishwasher is usually available)

I'm looking forward to seeing my mom in a few weeks for Thanksgiving.

Silence Please

Yesterday morning I was studying 1Peter 3 and Proverbs 31.  I read them out loud then I wrote some notes as I re-read them.   I wanted to remind myself my role as a Godly wife.  I have read those verses and my mentor and I have discussed them but I wanted to look at them closer.

This what I got out of it:


1 Peter 3

• be responsive to my husbands needs
• cultivate inner beauty, gentle and gracious
• pure and reverent lives
• gentle and quite spirit
• won over by behavior without a word
   
• Learn in silence with all submission (behavior not words can influence my husband)
• A gentle person is not occupied with self
• Live peaceably with others, God is the path to fix not mine. There is no room for quarrelsome attitude, nagging or babble

Proverbs 31 

• to be kind
• patient, willing and eager to help
• prepared
• rises early to get breakfast for husband and gets out the door for school
• strong
• caring for her family's needs and not self
• available to family
• helpful and giving
• respectful
• strong, capable, confident
• brings good not harm
• reliable, dependable, loyal
• contributes to family
• happy and cheerful
• loving and kindness when she speaks
• keeps organized and runs household
• serves, gives and loves family 
• plans ahead to accomplish task
• recognizes need for God and His way not hers  
• knows that all her needs will be provided by God 

(It is interesting to look back and see how my day started and what thoughts or situations continued throughout the day.  It seems that there was a plan that was set into motion yesterday with me studying those passages.)

Yesterday I went to my husbands follow up  doctors apt. While we were there we talked some, I'm really not sure how we got on the subject but we did.  Oh wait a minute we were talking about his blood pressure and being tired and teasing each other that there is never any stress in our lives.

He shares with me that there are two things that cause him stress.  He said his job and me.  I know really.....me....but why?  Well he says that it would be better if I kept silent sometimes....well most of the time.  He says that when I'm frustrated or upset I try to work things out verbally out loud and that causes him stress.  He doesn't want to hear everything that goes on in my head.

At first I felt like he just would be happier if I didn't exist at all.  But what he was really saying was that at times silence was better.  Maybe I agree some and maybe I don't.  Its hard being a woman and wanting to matter and count and be understood and heard.  But what I'm discovering is that its not so much of what I say that gets his attention but its what I don't say, its what I do.  I have discovered the truth in that myself and then I've read God's word on the subject too.  But its hard at times....I will be honest its not easy for me to keep my mouth shut.

After our light conversation on the matter I laughed a little about it but then I was concerned about it too.  I will pray about being a Godly wife with my Lord's help.  I pray that he will help me to shut my mouth when needed and to open it when its needs.  I pray that he will help me to speak kind words and to be patietnt when I speak to my husband.  I pray that I will respond to him out of love.  I pray that my actions will speak far louder than my words.

Dive In-He is There

Dear Lord,
Help me to dive into a deeper relationship with you.  Help me to surrender to you.  To trust you Lord.  Help me dive into Your word.  Help me to dive into my life and all that comes with it to bring you glory and serve you Lord.  Amen

Okay Lord....I'm going to jump in now.  I'm diving in, deeply in are you ready to catch me Lord?
Thank you for being there now and always.

God is Faithful

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28


Know therefore that the Lord your God, He is God, the faithful God, who keeps His covenant and His loving kindness to a thousandth generation with those who love Him and keep His commandments.  Deuteronomy 7:9


The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise, as some people think.  No, he is being patient for your sake.  2Peter 3:9

God's designs regarding you, and His methods of bringing about these designs, are infinitely wise.  Madame Guyon

Dive In (Session 4)

"Dive In - To Fulfill Your God-Given Destiny"  Jesus was used as the example

Jesus is the way.  He is the only way.  Jesus is the only example that shows us how to live intentionally.  He shows us how to be in perfect balance with God.   He shows us how to triumph in all our trials.  He shows us where the strength that we need to overcome our trials comes from.

His Holy Word

Jesus' relationship with his father was the way and is the way.  A relationship with God is the key to fulfill our God-given destiny.  When we walk in the things He directs in our paths with Him is the way to Him and through our storms of life.  This walk will be different for everyone but it offers opportunity to share with others our stories so that they can reach that amazing point where they too can walk with Him and make it through their storms of life too. (through His way)

Heavenly Father, help me make your plan my purpose.  Place the desire in my heart so that I can completely commit to follow your purpose.  You know what I need and when I need to know and how to make it through every storm in my life.  Help me to position myself in the place where I can reach that intimate place with You.  Help guide me into quite time to be with You. Help me to always make time for you and never to push you to the side.  Help me to be intentional in thoughts, words and deeds.  Help me to do as your son Jesus did....to surrender to You and Your plan.  

You are the way Lord.  Amen

Dive In (Session 3)

"Dive In - To Faithfully Stay on Course"  The example used was Solomon.  The main texts that were used were: 1Chronicles 22:5-10;  1Chronicles 28:5-12; Eph. 2:10; and 1Kings 11:1-2,4

I didn't take too many notes on this one.  I listened.  I simply got that God restores, heals and relaunches us. (to dive back in)  I need to continue to seek Him and place myself in the moment to listen to Him.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.  Matthew 6:33


Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.  1 Chronicles 16:11


Glory in his holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.  1 Chronicles 16:10

For it is impossible to be in the presence of Jesus and not be changed. Joanna Weaver

Matthew 6:30-33(The Message)
Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions.  Don't worry about missing out.  You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.  "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Lift up your eyes.  Your heavenly Father waits to bless you in inconceivable ways to make your life what you never dreamed it could be.  Anne Ortlund

Diving In (Session 2)

"Dive In-To Triumph Through the Storms"  Paul was used as the example

This session was probably the most comforting for me.  The knowing that I'm not alone.  God is with me every step of the way in the middle of my storm.  He placed me there, He knows what needs to happen and He is there caring for me and all the details.  He wants me to listen, to believe and to surrender to Him.  He will take me out of the storm and good will come from it.  God places me in hard storms and there are times I don't think I can handle it.  The peace in the storm is in God and His ways.  

Paul surrendered to the will of God and trusted Him in all his storms.  Paul showed us that anything worth while requires sacrifice to get it or to make things happen.  We have to suffer, give up and fear, etc. at times but in the end the outcome is amazing and out weighs all the things that were gone through to get out of the storm.  God wants us to listen to Him in the middle of our storms.  That is the time he can use to speak to us.  He will give practical spiritual encouragement, guidance and super natural strength.  He will speak to each of us in His own way, in His own time.  The peace in the storm is in God and His ways.

The speaker said in reference to Paul "The storm turned a prisoner into a commander".  That stuck out to me.  Its a reminder of how God uses my storms to transforms me or bring me to a different position in my life.  He uses the storm for His glory and His purpose and to help mold me to be more Christ-Like. (of course this not really what I'm thinking in the middle of the storm but maybe with His help I can re-route my thoughts back to what He is trying to do for me)

The speaker also said "Everyday holds the possibility of eternal impact in our lives and others".  To me that is saying to use our storms as opportunities.  Opportunities to gain more qualities like Christ and to share it with others and help others see that too.  That totally takes a different look at the storm that we are in the middle of , it changes it to look forward to the good that will come out of it.  God's plan is greater than mine or yours.  Trust God, He knows.  I know its easier said than done but I think as I journey closer to be Christ-like it will be possible to view the storm thru God's eyes and His word. ( I pray the same will be for you too)

That is where I want to get to in the middle of my storms.  Lord help me to always remember that You are there and that all I go thru is to help me and not harm me.  Its to bring you glory.  Its an opportunity to grow and change.  Its an opportunity to help others.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!  Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal ROCK.  Isaiah 26:3-4

Diving In (Session 1)

The speaker over the weekend talked about "Diving In".  Diving in to gain a closer relationship with God.  One of the sessions was called "Diving In -To Conquer Fear and Move Forward"  She used Esther as the example.  I look back at my notes and realize that I can look at my life through Esther and use it in the middle of my storm right now.  There are times I feel like my past comes up and that I'm defined by it.  I know that I'm not because God has changed my heart.  God has placed me in a blended family and I have come to realize that I can not control it.  In this process over the last two years of struggles I have gained a deeper relationship with Him than I had two or four years ago.  My relationship continues to grow everyday as I try to fall into His word on a daily basis, as I surround myself with people that are walking on the path with the Lord.  He has broken me down to be humble and teachable.  There are times I feel like I'm playing the role of Esther in my family.  Its amazing that with all she went through, she accomplished so much.....all because she softened her heart to Jesus and listened and followed his ways and not her own. He continues to show me that I'm not in control, He is and that I need to trust him.  Its a daily dying to self to keep trusting in Him.  I want to be used for the good of the Lord, I want Him to show me how I can help and serve in my blended family and my marriage.  I want to move forward with God next to me every step of the way.

Not In The Drivers Seat

Prior to the woman's retreat I posted that I felt like I was on auto pilot.  Since the retreat I feel like I'm sort of still on auto pilot or rather not in the drivers seat.  I'm not sure how to explain it other than I don't feel like I'm controlling things...which I'm really not.  God is.  God is in the drivers seat.  I think what I'm saying is that I have let him have the drivers seat.

I enjoyed the speaker at the retreat.  I have thought about her message but I haven't really sat down to ponder on all of it.  I have been a little stressed out and its like since the retreat I have started to stand back from it all. (the stress)  At first I started to get concerned that I was pulling away and hiding so to speak and avoiding or running from the things that have been causing me stress.  I didn't want to do that but I didn't want to keep it and let it run my life.  When I stress it affects so much of my life.  It affects the way I feel physically, emotionally, mentally which in turn is very exhausting and then that trickles down into my family.  I get impatient, and quite and put on a front when I'm around friends.  I'm not motivated to do much of anything.  I guess I get sort of depressed.  I haven't slept very well lately until last night.  Last night was a good night sleep. 

I've been talking to God and praying so I have kept Him in my loop as I have pushed back from the stress.  As I've done that lately I have been feeling more at peace.  Last night I wrote out a few prayers and verses on some index cards.  My plan is to memorize them but until then I read a few before going to sleep last night.  (Remember I said I had a good night sleep than I had lately)

Here are the verses I read:

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!  Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.  Isaiah 26:3-4

But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31

See the kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.  Matthew 6:33

Here is the prayer I prayed:

Heavenly Father, help me reduce the stress in my life that robs my vitality and saps my strength.  Show me how to work with more wisdom instead of working in ways that foolishly waste my strength.  Fill me with your peace and rest so that I may be renewed by your presence and power.  Thank you for giving me the peace that passes all understanding.  Amen

By letting go of the drivers seat I have let go of my worries, concerns and stresses to God.  So I'm not avoiding life I'm just letting Him figure it out for me.

The Lord gives his people strength.  The Lord blesses them with peace.  Psalm 29:11

What really happened

The retreat this weekend was filled with laughter, smiles, hugs, walking around in beautiful surroundings, coffee, yummy food, relaxed in the hot tub, cool crisp air, listening and learning, singing, tears shed, fears shared, praying, togetherness, watched some extreme sports, crying, worship, communion, sleepless nights, sharing, eating, camp fire worship, conversations, community......women coming together.  As refreshing as it was, it also was exhausting but totally worth it and unforgettable. God was there with each of us over the weekend and he is with each of us now as we walk away separately back into our lives.  Thank you Lord for such an amazing weekend.

A time to tear and a time to mend.  A time to quiet and a time to speak.  Ecclesiastes 3:7

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.  Mother Teresa

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-9

Woman's Retreat, Lost Canyon Williams AZ

The theme was called "Diving in" but this decoration sort of scared me a little....does it seem like something is missing to you?

My bunk is the bottom one.   The rooms were nice and big.

This building was called "Apache" and I was in the room on the bottom in the middle.

Inside the dinning room area.

The food was amazing!

My daughter Karlee & I.  She was there with the youth group helping serve.  It was great having her there.  Every time I saw her with her friends she was happy to see me.

The Worship team was great!  I loved the music.  I also enjoyed the time around the camp fire.

The speaker Kay Burnett( on the right) and her best friend (on the left)  I enjoyed listening to Kay, she had a great message.

This picture shows you how chilly the day started out to be.

I suspect that is where the hot tub is.....

I think I can post this since they are in disguise....the skits were so funny, they really did a great job with them.  Very creative!

My friend Jamie and I

Great friends!  Jamie, Jane (in the middle) and me.  Jane and I enjoyed a game of pool....she won.

The buildings around us were so neat and the landscape was so beautiful.  It was a beautiful camp.

I think this is one of my favorite pictures, it looks like a painting.

It was a refreshing and rejuvenating weekend. 

Auto Pilot

I think someone recently hit my "auto pilot" button.  I'm tired and don't want to do much but next thing I know I'm doing the dishes and straightening up around the house.  I know I'm not a willing participate today.  Then I finish something and sit down for a bit and then I'm up again doing something else.  Mindless stuff you know....
I think this will continue until tomorrow around 5:00 or so because then I will be on my way to the Woman's Retreat.  Once I get there I'm going to take a deep breath and get ready to relax, fellowship, learn, play, eat, sleep for a couple of days without my kids or husband and dogs.  
I'm really looking forward to the weekend!