Struggling Through

Today is Monday February 29th and I just returned from a job interview for an office assistant for an insurance company.  I think it went really well.  I feel good about it.  I was their last one to interview today.  They will make their decision soon, so we shall wait and see.

The girls and I have been in our new little place since last Thursday night.  Friday morning Sara, my little sunshine girl woke up and sat next to me on the couch while waiting to go to school and told me that she was happy and likes it here.

I will admit there is a sense of relief and a little less craziness with it just being the girls and I.  But still my heart aches but I get little encouragement talks from my brother and a few others, including my oldest daughter telling me I'm strong and this is better and I will be fine.  Its nice to hear but will be better when I truly start to believe it.  Each day has its ups and down moments for me but for the most part I keep moving forward, trying to stay busy and occupied with my girls.

Both girls have broken in the place with friends sleeping over :)  So I think that is a good sign.

Sara and her two friends in the living room on the floor, while Karlee and her friend are in the bedroom that Sara and Karlee share.  (yep they share a room again)

Yesterday was Sunday and the girls and I drove to Sedona and had a yummy lunch and walked around enjoying the warmth of the sun.  It was nice.  We got back about 3:00 and then just relaxed and didn't do much other than watch some Netflix.

 

Janes Call

(post from the other day just didn't publish it yet)

I needed Jane's call and I'm so thankful for it.  Very motivating, words spoken in truth and love.  I am a little depressed and finding it hard to make a move.  I do need to find a job of some sort to have money coming in until the door opens to a bigger a better and job.  I will feel better once I step out into a temporary phase and not be surrounded by so many things of mine and Micah's that isn't it anymore.  Surround myself with a way to walk forward and not just stay stuck and not move forward or back....just stuck.

I feel so much anxiety from not having money coming in and all the What ifs are driving me crazy.....

Micah has been and continues to be so passive....

I know God will provide.  He always does.  I just have to trust.

Being in this house with all there is to remind me of what we don't have together and that I've tried to make happen doesn't help any.  I can be sad in a place that doesn't have a past so that I can move from it and not go back too...

After talking to Jane I called Nancy to find out how soon we can move our stuff over.  I was all ready to start now.....but she returned my call and it won't be until next week sometime...gotta hold out a little longer and hold on to the Lord and his will in all this.

This is really happening....

(this is from the other day forgot to post it)

So yesterday was spent moving some of our things over to our new little temporary home (Sara, Karlee & I)  Its for three months.  During this time I hope to have a found a job and have money coming in, and then look for a more permanent home for us.

I'm not totally giving up on things with my husband.....the rest if up to God.  If he works in all this a gives us blessings and a miracle then I'm all for moving back in and moving forward.

Today is a hard day

The moment Micah texted me that he was on the road from El Paso TX to here was the moment it all really became real.  (he had been in El Paso painting my mom's house) I await his arrival this evening to say hi and to sort through whatever he may have brought from my mom's to part ways and lay my head down to sleep tonight in a new place, in a new bed.  Feeling a little uneasy almost a little panicky.

I'm feeling like I can't go back over to the house today until the girls get out of school to gather up the rest of their things. When I do go back over I will make sure the kitchen is clean and the trash has been gathered and put on the curb.  There are left overs in the fridge so that is good.

I sit here with music on in the background in my new temporary home.  Its oddly quite still.....

Asking the Lord to hold me today just as he has been and give me the strength to do the things that need to be done today.

Its only 10:00 am, we will see how the rest of the day goes.......

A New Begnining

A sweet friend on Valentines Day sent me a text message telling me how she was thinking of me and that this verse came to her and wanted to share it with me.

I think its appropriate and has helped keep me a little grounded and hopeful about the things that are going to go on.

I pray that God will continue to bless me with his wisdom, strength and guidance. I can not do this on my own.  I pray that my eyes will see what I need to see, my hearts will hear His whispers, and my feet will walk in the path he has set for me.

Kids, Dillon & Yuma

Last Friday I bought my son, who will be 16 on the 23rd a car.  He came to me and asked if If I would loan him money and that he would pay me after he gets a job.  So that is the deal and one happy young man.

The whole thing is still a shock to my system....another kid of mine old enough to drive, oh my :)

Karlee's school had a huge Student Council Convention that they did an awesome job putting on for the other schools.

Karlee makes a beautiful, MC or whatever you call the person that does announcements for an event lol :)

Micah & I last Sunday left for Yuma to go spend the night there so we could pick Dillon up from the Prison there on Monday morning.  Sunday afternoon we went to take in a few sites.....oddly enough it was to see an old prison where Billy the Kid had been and Wyatt Earp.  (My kids when I mention about Billy the Kid said whose that! Sadly I wonder what they learn in History class now a days)

Monday morning comes around and we drive about 20 minutes to get to the prison hoping we don't turn the wrong way and end up in Mexico....that would not be cool!

Uniting Father & Son

They were happy to see each other....

On our way home we had stopped to get a drink and Dillon had a hard time deciding what he wanted to drink, he said there were too many choices.

Since he has been home, things have been going well so far.

Start and Stop

I have two different posts that I have written and have saved, and not posted here on the blog.  I'm not sure why other than I can tell you that I'm struggling.  I'm struggling with things in my life and have made steps to making a big change in my life.  I find that each day I think will go this way or that, it ends up exposing more of what I have decided to do.  I find myself with the strength to find the words to have several tough conversations. I find each day the step gets a little bigger.....

All I feel I can say right now because its all a process is that I will be moving out on my own soon with my daughters and life is going to change.  I don't have a job yet and that is scary.  But what I do have is support from family and friends and that I have a Heavenly Father that knows his plan for me and all the details that come with it.  I continue to rest in that and taking each moment to the next day....

What will tomorrow bring?