Peaceful & Relaxed

Today was just another day.  It was Monday, a start of a new week, not a bad day.  It was a slow and I will admit I was a little unmotivated but once I got home I couldn't help but feel determined to just sit and be.

I made dinner, today I actually came home with a plan and made chimichangas.  Then after dinner I went out side and sat at my little table and outside chairs.  I've been sitting out here ever since and I sit here as I type this post, its dark right now.

It is so nice outside, cool and a little breeze.  The sounds of the outdoors of cars going over by the freeway, people out and about coming home from work and kids outside playing.

I've sat here just sitting here, not on my phone, just sitting here looking around, with my feet up, enjoying a glass of wine.  It feels so good to just sit here.  I haven't really been doing any thinking about much.  A few things cross my mind but they leave a smile on my face.

I have reflected some about the weekend.  The girls and I went to diner and a movie on Friday. Saturday Sara and I went to the Rodeo.  She hung out with her friends and I hung out with mine, Destiny and her family.  We all had fun.  I'm glad I went.

Destiny is a new friend of mine.  She is determined to get me out and about on the weekends doing fun things.  I know its crazy but I didn't realize what a struggle its been for me.  How much I've just hidden away.  Besides who wants to go out and do things by themselves.  Anyways Dezi is another post.

Back to feeling peaceful and relaxed.
Taking deep breaths in and exhaling slowly and closing my eye for just a moment.
It feels good to just sit here.

Sitting here doesn't make all my worries and concerns go away or change things a ton tomorrow at work but it does help to "be" and refreshes me some to start the new day tomorrow and keep on going.

Well I'm getting tired now.  I'm going to sit here for a bit longer before going inside for the night.

Quick Visit with Mom

Last weekend mom and Larry came to visit on their way back home to El Paso after another trip of exploring AZ.  I think they have it narrowed down between a few places.  I'm looking forward to having them closer to us!

This is  all of us waiting outside of Oreganos for dinner....it was going to be a long long wait

We gave up on the wait (which would have been an hour and half) and we went to Oakmont, where Karlee used to work as a hostess.  We got right in and seated.  There were a ton of people there but there was an event going outside.

my yummy sea bass dinner :)

Grandpa, Kyle, and Austin looking at a few things on Kyle's truck.  Karlee sitting there watching the boys :)

My little mommy!  Isn't she cute??!!

Austin & Karlee listening to Grandpa Larry.....

Relaxing, wine and cheese time!

I enjoyed my visit with my mom and Larry.  The timing of it being on Father's Day was perfect.  My thoughts were not far from my dad they were there in the back ground as I enjoyed the moments with my family.

The best part of the visit was having mom cut my hair and getting it back in shape and organizing my closet and clothing!  Yes!  Thanks mom! (she will read that statement and smile and laugh)

Determination

This is me last Saturday.  Karlee braided my hair and I enjoyed it since it was so darn windy all day!  I set out to embrace the day of being by myself all day.  The kids were scattered doing their own thing, I knew where they were and all was well.  I didn't want to sit at home.

I couldn't help myself!  Do you know how long its been since I have eaten at Arbys?  A long long time.  Arbys brings back so many fun and happy memories of El Paso, my family, my nana and my dad.  I enjoyed every bite!

See I'm out and about......

This is me showing myself how much I like and think I look good in my new skirt from LuLaRoe!  I know silly me but when you are branching out and trying to really like yourself again and the way you look then this isn't so silly after all.

I'm so glad I went to see my friend and all the beautiful clothes she had out.  LuLaRoe has very nice things and they fit so well you can't help but smile and feel good!

Saturday ended up being a good, fun and busy day by myself!  

Today is Thursday, the week is almost over and the weekend is upon us again......and my mommy will be here! So looking forward to the weekend!!

Faith, Hope & Doubt

I have done unfortunately a great job at creating mountains over time. Having faith and hope is great but when you left Satan sneak in with doubt then it becomes self-defeating.  I'm aware of it now more than just noticing it and going on, I'm going to work hard at pushing doubt out of the way.  Having faith and hope and trusting in the Lord for the unknown.  It will be a constant and daily thing but it will be so worth it in the end.

Lamentations 3:21-26, 32-33

Yet this I call to mind

and therefore I have hope:

Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion;

therefore I will wait for him."

The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,

to the one who seeks him;

it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord...

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,

so great is his unfailing love.

For he does not willingly bring affliction

or grief to anyone.

Perspective, Friends & Smiles

A couple of weekends ago I went to visit some new friends at the Hullaballoo event at the park.  They had a booth set up  and were working their business.  Its Thrive Le-vel, I will tell you more about it soon in another post  But the purpose of this post is important.   

This is Dezi

This is Shannon

It was fun hanging out with the, they made me laugh and it was nice to get out and do something, much better than staying home and cleaning.

It's been after being with them that I gained some insight that hit me upside the head hard!  I've been hiding....I have let me circumstances, my past two years, my stress, negative things take over!  

The next day (Sunday) Karlee and I were out and about and I started a conversation with her that I had no idea would be as interesting as it ended up being.   I started off by telling her that after being around cheerful people over the weekend that I realized I used to be that way too.  That even despite what was going on in my life I found a way to be cheerful and hopeful and share with others and smiles through it all.  I asked her if I have changed and I don't her that I thought I had and didn't like what I was realizing.

She said yes mom, I even think you have been depressed this whole time.  You use to be more positive.  Mom I blame Micah for doing this do you, you tried so hard to be what you thought he wanted you to be that you lost yourself, for that I really hate him.

These last two years have been rough and I have pulled back from people and have found a comfortable area around me that I guess has kept me sort of hidden and out of the loop so to speak.

Well no more!!!!

A little melt down

Yesterday was Monday, it wasn't a bad Monday.  At work it went really calm, the phones were non-stop but I was busy all day.  At the end of the day I prepared myself to keep the go go feeling so that I could get through a few more of hours of being busy before I knew I could just sit and relax.  I needed to go home right after work, pick up Sara and Kyle and head to an urgent care clinic so that we could get their sports physicals done so they could start their summer sport practice today (Tuesday).  We couldn't do it for only $10.00 on this past Saturday because Kyle was at work and Sara was camping.  It would have saved money since it was $25.00 a piece at this other....oh well its done and they are ready to start on time.

So we get done with that and its going on 6:00 or so and I decided that we'd pick something up for dinner instead of me cooking.  Well no one....no one could get on the same page with the choices that were being thrown out there!  I was getting highly frustrated by this point.  I was trying to do something nice and I felt like it just wasn't working out.  Finally after going to one place that everyone would be happy with, the location we went to was closed!  That was it!  I was done!  I decided that we would just go home and do whatever from leftovers.

I was still a little irritated from trying to have a simple conversation with my son.  Its like pulling teeth to get any information from him.  Then when he does talk its not all I need to know and then he says he already told me.  Well if he did in the detail I needed I wouldn't be asking again!  Anyways I admit I may have caused a little friction since I did have him in the car where he couldn't just walk away from me but seriously I needed to talk to him about things with work and football and helping with picking up Sara from volleyball.

Driving home I get a little upset and a few tears rolled down my face.    Almost home and Sara says mom if its alright still about dinner Karlee says that she will go pick it up (same place for Mexican food, but the location we always go to).  I pulled in and parked and sighed really big and said whatever and fine.  Kyle said he didn't want anything that he was going over to Matts.

I walk into the house and toss my purse on the table in the living room and know a few books off of the table.  Karlee just stood there watching not sure what was going on,  I sat on the couch and shouted that I wish I had a room that I could go into and just close the door.  (knowing that I don't since my room is the open living room/my bedroom)  Karlee said mom its okay we all decided on Mexican food and I will go get it.  I didn't say anything and handed her some money and out the door the girls went.

As soon as the door closed I felt like I could just take a deep breathe and let it out, I sat and cried a little.  I guess I needed a good cry because I was fine after that, the rest of the evening went on.  The girls and I ate dinner together at the table and then they went to their room to watch Netflix together and then I decided to get online and do some things that needed to get done and then I was in bed by 10pm. (Kyle stayed at Matt's)

I guess I felt overwhelmed and flustered and just needed a release of tension so a little melt down was in order....

But today is a new day, let's see what it will bring.  I'm headed out the door to work....

Memorial Day Weekend 2017

I sit here on this Sunday morning on my couch, while its quite thinking about last weekend.  Last weekend was so nice.  It was nice to get away, it was great spending time with my Aunt and Uncle and Cousin.  Soaking up the sun, eating yummy food, and enjoying the cool water from the pool.....it was a perfect weekend.

Sara & Marlee

My Uncle and I

I enjoyed coloring by the pool.

Last Day of School

Another school year has come to an end!  Below are a few pictures from last Friday of Sara's 8th grade promotion.  She will be a Freshman next year!  Wow!

Kyle will be a senior next year! 

Time flies!

I love my kids and I am proud of them despite the ups and downs that the school year had brought.  Time for them to enjoy a break.  Sara will start off the summer with a camping trip with a friend and her family then off to Volley Ball open gym!  She wants to play volley ball next year so during the summer they work with the incoming freshmen for the new season.

Kyle, will start more hours with work at Flagstaff Extreme and then start back up with football.

Karlee will continue working at Rue 21 until the store closes on June 25th.  Then she will take a little break and have some fun going to the lake with her boyfriend's family and then hit the payment for a new job!

I will enjoy not having to get up so early to take Sara to school! :)

Bye Bye 8th grade!  High School here I come!