Quiet Thoughts

This weekend is looking like a quiet, not much to do type of weekend.  The kids are going to be busy here and there.  My husband isn't coming home until sometime next week.  That really leaves me left to my own quite thoughts.  Most of the time I enjoy and look forward to quite moments without the kids.  Moments without much to do so that I can read a book.  Quite times to sit down and write on my blog.  But lately it seems that I've had so many quite moments and more to come that I don't know what to do with them.  I know that might not make sense.

My mind has been so full of so many things that its one of those times again that I can't get a thought out to write about much less focus on one thought to think about or to even dismiss it and move to the next.  Even now as  I try to write something that makes sense to see where God is in this moment I can't, my mind goes from now to past to present to future and all around again.  There are some thoughts of fear, unknown and worry and concern.  There are some thoughts of happiness and excitement. 

I have found lately when I get frustrated or tired of trying to ponder I get busy.  I start to find something to do.  Make homemade soup, wash the dishes by hand instead of using the dishwasher, make pumpkin bread and drizzle a warm frosting over it, look forward to walking the dogs in the cool crisp air instead of dreading and rushing them to go potty. 

I see....I think I've figured it out while writing this right now....maybe my direction or perspective has been altered a little to sort of  "get back into life".  Maybe there have been times when I have felt like nothing I do is right....times when I try and try and try so hard to "be" for someone else.  Times when I've pulled back some because I'm tired of trying to do things in my own strength.  Moments when I want to hide and shut out the world.  Moments that I want to capture and cherish and last, moments to be perfect.  Times when things always work out and there are smiles, joy and laughter at the end.

Maybe I need to just "do" and "be" and let God handle the rest.  I need to enjoy doing the things I do for others, like my family.  Before you know it the kids will be grown and out of the house and I won't have the opportunities I have to talk with them while I take them here and there for this and that. 

The other day my husband said something to me that really bothered me and it lead to a luke warm conversation that could have gotten really heated. He said that I wasn't a doer, that he was and that I just liked to sit and watch.  That put me on the defense.  This could lead into another blog entry but I will try to pull out what I can apply here in this one.  I've been so worried about how things should be, or look that I've in some respects sat down and stopped doing.  There are times I'm quick to call on what someone else isn't doing and I really need to look at myself .  Granted there is only so much I can do and should do before God is there doing what is in his power and not mine. 

I fear I've rambled on and have lost any chance of making this make sense to others who may read this but oddly enough it has helped me with my quiet thoughts.  My "quite thoughts" were not so quite after all.