A weekend of reflection and closure

 A Weekend of Reflection and Closure

This past weekend was a challenging one. I found myself spiraling into thoughts about my past relationship with Ben. I couldn't shake the feeling that something significant was happening, and my intuition was spot on. I decided to visit his mom at her workplace, hoping to touch base with her. Deep down, I knew I would learn something that would affect me deeply. And I did. Ben got married on Friday, May 31st.

When I heard the news, I broke down and cried. It was as if all the emotions I had tried to bury came rushing back to the surface. I told his mom how I felt—that Ben would never truly be happy because he hadn't given himself the time he needed to search and grow, just as he had wanted. I expressed that he didn't have to marry her to be a good father to his child. Susan even agreed with me. She thought it should have been me up there, getting married. She confided that she doesn't recognize her son anymore; he seems "different" like he's just going through the motions to honor his decisions without truly feeling them.

It's sad, and it frustrates me that I still care so much. I miss him—I miss our conversations and the friendship we once had. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that I not only had a romantic relationship almost a year ago but also a friend. Grieving this loss all over again feels like a never-ending process.

Despite all this, I'm trying hard to push these thoughts out of my mind. I know I need to let go of the past and focus on moving forward. It's not easy, but I have to remind myself that Ben has moved on, and I must do the same. Dwelling on what was or what could have been only keeps me stuck. It's time to let go and embrace the future, whatever it may hold.

I keep moving forward and I know that brighter days are ahead.