Spring Forward Into Joy

Tonight I'm not sure what has stirred up the past with the present, the old with the new but my mind drifted.  As I let my mind and emotions drift into the past to reflect I was suddenly was consumed with inspiration.  I pulled up a blank page in google docs and began listing my thoughts one by one.  I have always had a desire and dream of writing a book.  I'm not sure if that is what will come out of all this but I am inspired and feel strong and ready to dig deep and to explore and write down my story.

My Story Lived and Felt

1. Write about Divorce (Scott and Micah)
2. Cult like behavior (Matt)
3. Manipulation (Ronnie)
4. Selfish and victim mentality (Scott)
5. Narcissistic (Micah)
6. Stockholm syndrome(Micah)
7. Emotional Abuse
8. Toxic people
9. Loss and Grief
10. Loneliness
11. Depression and being functional
12. Stress, Anxiety and Chronic Pain
13. Single mom in marriage and Single mom on my own
14. Being a parent in the mix of it all, giving of myself as a mom when empty at times
15. Starting over
16. What a normal relationship looks like (Ben)

I sat for a long time staring at the screen of my computer looking at the list. I couldn't really find the words to describe what I was feeling. But it doesn't scare me to look at it. I felt strong. I know hope and I feel peace. I know that I didn't go through any of it alone and I know that the only way I was able to live after being broken down through out my journey to this present day and into the unknown of the future was because I gave my life to the Lord and every day I'm grateful.

The second list below is the brighter side to it all. The light shining at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

Living, Growing and Healing

1. The Lord and Heavenly Father
2. Faith
3. Trust and Hope
4. Prayers
5. Fellowship and the right people surrounding you and embracing you, encouragement
6. Giving to others
7. Encouraging and helping others helped me
8. Healing and Forgiving
9. God’s strength and peace
10. Broken
11. Refined
12. Restored
13. Renewed
14. Living life, cherish each moment, be more intentional

This third list I wrote down quickly and couldn't help but feel like its a summary all wrapped up. I think some of them listed could be the title of a chapter or section of my story, or a main title. The first one listed really stands out to me.

Emotionally living and loving

Living and Loving in the Storms of Life

Embracing change

Grabbing at Hope

Linger in Peace

Grow in Grace

Be Broken and Live

Trust, breathe and walk

Let go

Keep moving forward

Smile, Cherish, Learn, Give and Live

I had to take a break to go pick Sara up from Volleyball practice. When I came back I pulled up my blog and began looking at some of the past posts. I went all the way down to the first one, ironically it was in March. March of 2010, I actually started this blog with the day my Nana died. I decided to go to each month of March from each year since then and read through them. I read through every March listed, it was interesting and it did stir up some memories but they didn't bring me down. Instead they showed me that through it all there was always joy.

No matter what the blog post was about, negative, sad, or indifferent there was always something that directed back to joy, hope, trust and faith. I'm so thankful that my story has had the Lord's hand in it through and through.