Several weeks ago I was waiting to go into the church service and as I passed by the library a book caught my attention. It was sitting on the display shelf with several others. I went to it, only that one and grabbed it as if I had already planned on looking for it. I read the title, looked over the back cover, smiled thinking it sounded interesting and checked it out and went on my way. The book is called Love & Respect (The Love she most desires and The Respect he desperately needs) by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs .I started reading it right after church that afternoon. I was hooked after the first paragraph. I heard a whisper say to me that this will be the perfect book and the right time on my journey to read.
________
A few days later we were driving out to Cameron for Navajo Tacos and so the boys could ride their dirt bikes. On the way there I had been reading the book. I looked up from it and asked my husband if he thought I respected him. He looked puzzled and then said that he couldn't answer that he didn't know. I asked him to think about it for a while and then I'd ask him again.
_________
I met a friend for coffee and she asked me if I was reading a book right now and if so what was it. So I told her what it was and she knew immediately about it. She had read it a long time ago. She said that she would get her copy of it out and refresh herself with it so that if I had any questions or comments we could talk about it. I liked the idea. Ironically our conversation that morning went around love and respect. About how my actions and words could lead to a more loving response from him. His actions would start coming across better, in a more loving way that I would respond with respect.
_________
Apparently I hadn't been listening very well to what the Lord was trying to whisper to me about so I could start applying and practicing some of the things that I had read and discussed with my friend already. He placed a day in my path that I wish had gone a little differently. It was a rough day between my husband and I. You know the type of day, ugly words exchanged, harsh actions and hurtful glances. (note: from that bad day to a week I had set the book aside and refused to look at it, touch or read it)
A few days after that ugly day we met with one of the pastors from our church. A few minutes into the conversation as I listened to what he had to ask and say to my husband a smile appeared on my face with a sideways glance up above my head. I said to myself to God "ok ok I hear you now"
The angle the pastor took was on the subject of Love and Respect.
God had placed that book in my hands. He had set up the coffee conversation that morning. He nudged me to speak up and ask my husband the question. He was in control on the bad day when I was out of control. He gave the pastor the words that went into my ears so I could think about them as they settled in my mind.
God prepares us for his lessons that he places in our hearts as he works on us. God prepares our hearts for Him.
I have continued to read the book, I'm almost finished with it. I will take in the words and assignment from the pastor to heart and work through them and apply them so that my relationship with my husband will continue to grow with Christ in the center. With friends that were placed in my path to offer support and encouragement I will explore Love & Respect and get back with you all as I learn this life lesson.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Always Hope
The last several days have not been all that wonderful. Sure the normal little things of life have been there with the kids, things needing to get done around the house but there have been other things going on lately that had sort of dimmed the light at the end of the tunnel.
Have you ever had a situation that starts with one thing and then harsh words are exchanged and then before you know it what started out with one thing ends up to really be about several other things and by this point things are at their ugliest? I think it would be safe for all of us to answer yes. Situations like that seem to happen so easily and quickly when we are in our selfish mode, don't stop to listen, don't pay attention to the little red flags of warning popping up to tell us to walk away and chill out for a bit then go back and talk it out later.
Life is full of moments that are ugly and I know that those are the moments I need to pay attention to and really look at to learn and grow from despite how many tears I shed out of sadness, brokenness, frustrations and remorse.
These last few days I have learned more about being patient and still, to listen with my heart, to look at myself to redirect back to the center where the true counselor in my life is, and to be humble and ask for forgiveness from the ones that was in my path of ugliness.
During the most desperate feeling of being alone in that dark tunnel it didn't take long to stop and take another look down that tunnel and see that there was a light. A light of shining hope.
I believe that there is always a light of shining hope at the end of the tunnel......always
John 14: 15-17a
"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth.
John 14: 25-26
"I have spoken these things to you while I remain wit you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit the Father will send Him in My name-will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you."
John 14: 27
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.
Always have peace knowing that THERE IS A SHINING LIGHT OF HOPE at the end of the tunnel.
Have you ever had a situation that starts with one thing and then harsh words are exchanged and then before you know it what started out with one thing ends up to really be about several other things and by this point things are at their ugliest? I think it would be safe for all of us to answer yes. Situations like that seem to happen so easily and quickly when we are in our selfish mode, don't stop to listen, don't pay attention to the little red flags of warning popping up to tell us to walk away and chill out for a bit then go back and talk it out later.
Life is full of moments that are ugly and I know that those are the moments I need to pay attention to and really look at to learn and grow from despite how many tears I shed out of sadness, brokenness, frustrations and remorse.
These last few days I have learned more about being patient and still, to listen with my heart, to look at myself to redirect back to the center where the true counselor in my life is, and to be humble and ask for forgiveness from the ones that was in my path of ugliness.
During the most desperate feeling of being alone in that dark tunnel it didn't take long to stop and take another look down that tunnel and see that there was a light. A light of shining hope.
I believe that there is always a light of shining hope at the end of the tunnel......always
John 14: 15-17a
"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments. And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever. He is the Spirit of truth.
John 14: 25-26
"I have spoken these things to you while I remain wit you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit the Father will send Him in My name-will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have told you."
John 14: 27
"Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Your heart must not be troubled or fearful.
Always have peace knowing that THERE IS A SHINING LIGHT OF HOPE at the end of the tunnel.
Heavenly Father, You are all-knowing and all-powerful. You know every decision I need to make and every challenge I face. Please forgive me for the times that I try to figure this life out on my own. I need You. I need Your Holy Spirit to give me strength, wisdom, and direction, specifically concerning ______________. (you know what is in my heart as others have things in their hearts)
In Jesus' Name I pray,
Amen.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
My Family
My Family. I'm so blessed to have a wonderful husband that provides for us and loves us. I'm blessed with 4 children that keeps me running around with lots to do, never boring. I enjoy the smiles, laughter, hugs, kisses, frowns and tears. I Love you Lord and I'm so thankful that you are right there watching over each of my loved ones. I love my family so much. Thank you Lord for blessing us with each other.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Only a concert?
Music to a mother’s heart
My ears ring with good noise flowing in and out…
My heart aches with happiness and hope....
The words that came from my daughters mouth that were expressed with deep emotion were her truth. Her truth came from the inside out. My face smiled but my heart leapt with joy as I watched my daughter and listened to her. If I wasn’t so happy I probably would of cried happy tears.
Sometimes I feel like I repeat myself often and that no one hears. I wonder if some of the “seed” I’ve planted has taken root yet. I’m realizing now that God has been there nurturing the “seeds” in my daughter’s heart.
Different things can trigger growth in someone. It could be a memory, a word spoken, an action expressed, a soothing scent, a glance around or a song. A song sung out loudly with so many people crammed into a room with bright lights.
A concert…
The whole atmosphere can be powerful and through it all God can be there beside you holding your hand, working inside you as you enjoy the music. My daughter may have attended a concert and enjoyed the music and fellowship with her friends but she walked away with a new thought in her head and a new message written on her heart.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
MY DAY
I woke up this morning and looked over at my husband and his dog laying close to his chest sleeping soundly. I reached for my phone to see what time it was and laid there a few minutes more. I think I drifted off some since I sort of jumped when the phone rang ( it was still in my hand) . It was my mom, my little mommy (yes I’m 37 years old today and I still call her my mommy) wishing me a bright and cheerful happy birthday. Right after her call my phone “ding dong” and it was a text from my brother wishing me a happy birthday. Then my half awake husband rolled over and kissed me good morning and said happy birthday to me. On that note I decided it was time to get up and get in the shower to and move forward with the day.
Then I start the going back and forth and shake the kids up to wake them up. Sara gets up and comes to our room to use the bathroom since her brother is in the shower. She gets on the bed to greet Micah and Cassie (the dog) and I said what about me and then she remembered it was my birthday so she jumps over and hops in my arms and puts her arms around me to squeeze my neck really hard and gives me kisses.
I head into the girls room for the third time and this time I was greeted with Karlee still laying in bed but with her arms wide open and a big beaming smile on her face saying happy birthday mom. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh as I bent down to hug her and then got after her gently about getting her booty up and out of bed.
I open the door to leave the girls room and found my son Kyle standing there with a big smile on his face saying happy birthday mom and then wraps his arms around me.
The kids are out the door and off to school and Micah takes me to breakfast. While eating my dad calls me and yes I still call him daddy. He calls to wish me lots of birthday wishes too. I finish up my nice quite time with Micah and head over to meet up with a friend to chat the morning away. (and we really did talk the morning away.) I was greeted with a little bag of homemade oatmeal raisin cookies.
By now the day is only half over and the kids are almost out of school for the day and the evening will get busy. Homework will need to get done, dinner made and chores done all before heading off to Kyle’s baseball game that is from 7:30 to 9:30.
But no matter what happens the rest of the day this day has already been filled with so many wonderful blessings that it doesn’t matter what will be around the corner the rest of the day. I’m so thankful for Jesus in my life he has blessed me over these 37 years of my life despite the obstacles that were placed in my past there has been so much more growth and changes and blessings that has help overcome anything negative that I may have had to learn from over these years that I’m pleased with how my life has turned out. I look forward to this next year. I can’t wait to see what is in store for me and my family.
Thank you Jesus I wouldn’t be here celebrating my 37 years of life without you.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
MY WALK WITH YOU LORD
I was first introduced to God when I was in the 7th grade. My best friend invited me to her youth group, it was at a Lutheran church. Soon I was going to youth group and church while my family stayed at home, only to make an appearance if there was something going on. My mom was raised conservative Baptist and my dad was not raised in a church. (although his mother was a God Fearing woman) I soon went through the Lutheran’s confirmation program and was confirmed and had a little ceremony of reading, reciting and singing then presented with a certificate and a Good News Bible with my name engraved on it. I continued going to this church into my freshman year of high school then I soon started to drift away. My best friend and I soon branched out into our new world of high school.
Later in my sophomore year of high school I met a boy and soon we started to date and he eventually introduced me to his church. It was an Assembly of God . I soon discovered that I loved all the music the worship band played and sang. It inspired me, it stirred things inside of me. I thought I felt closer to God during this time. I soon fell away from this church body too. (Ironically this the is church that my mom and her husband were married in, became members and attend)
So by now I’m out on my own going to the Community College and working nights a hotel as a cocktail waitress. I met a boy and eventually was in a relationship with him. I moved in with him. There was no mention of God or a church during this time. This went on for 2 years then things started to get a little strange and we parted ways.
I started a new stage of life working at a car dealership and guess what happened…..I met a man. I was in my 20s and he was in his mid 30s. He swept me off my feet for some time and married me. He was raised in a Methodist church. Early on in our marriage God or church was not part of the deal, although God’s presence was felt in the background of it all. The car business was not good to us soon my husband, our 1st baby girl and I moved into my dad’s house and lived with him for almost 2 years. Our son came into the picture shortly after my husband had lost his job . He then left for Albuquerque and found a job in 2 days after searching for 2 months in El Paso.
We moved to Albuquerque when our son was 7 months old. He worked as a ware house manager and I worked at a child development center at a Methodist church, teaching toddlers. (I see God’s hand do you…..) I worked there for 3 years and during that time we had our 3rd child. A baby girl. ( who at the time was not quite in our plan but she was part of God’s plan at the time) My husband picked up the lead for a while and we started attending the church I worked for, became members and baptized (sprinkled) our children. We attended together as a family for sometime but soon things were not going well again in our marriage and the kids and I were going without my husband.
We moved outside of Albuquerque into the mountains with a smaller community around us. It was nice for awhile. Soon I quit going all and all to church and did not take the children either. The kids made friends with some neighbors down the road. Little did I know what role this family would play in our lives at that time. I started to work for them in their home that ran several businesses in their home. Their kids started taking my kids to church with them and the kids loved it. Then this family developed their own home church in their home and the kids went without me for sometime then I started to go. This is the part in my life where things really got messed up and confused and I seemed to have walked further and further away from the all knowing path that somewhere in the back of my mind and heart I knew I should of found and walked towards but yet, again I took steps backwards.
I divorced my husband after almost 10 years of marriage.
I had the head knowledge of knowing who God was and wanted to be in my life but I had not developed a relationship with him. I had not turned my life completely over to him.
I remember in Albuquerque getting to the point that I avoided the music I heard in church. It hurt to sing. I couldn’t sing without starting to feel all chocked up and on the verge of tears. I was sort of reaching out but not letting go. My heart would become heavy and my mind would go over all the things that had been going on in my life and I felt lost, heartbroken, helpless, defeated and scared. I left the room many times until the singing was over and would cry a little bit before returning to hear the message. I recall myself pushing away more than seeking, questioning and doubting than trusting and believing. Sadly enough I did this for years then I sort of went in the middle of more confusion. Knowing the right path but still not following it. Following more of a self path…..it’s hard to describe. It was a place of discovery of “self” more than anything.
By now I was divorced and living briefly for about 3 months with my mom and stepped dad in their house in El Paso trying to figure out what to do and fix the mess that I was in (notice I said I was trying to fix the mess and not giving it up to God and letting him) I went to my mom one night and told her that I felt in my heart that I had to move where my ex-husband was and try to put thing back together again.
The power of the Lord was knocking at my heart by now. I started changing some and started looking up in His direction, trying to listen with my ears (not my heart) but still I wavered in and out of His presence . I continued on the “self, I can do it path, I can change my ex-husband, I can do it all)
Trials were placed in my path over and over again, each time I found a way around Him. Which usually the outcomes were 10x worse than if I ‘d only chosen to walk with the Lord. The trials started to get bigger as time went on. Unfortunately He really felt like I needed something to get my attention. He hadn’t given up on me. He knew my true heart, but he had to discipline me. (he knew my heart all along when I didn’t)
It started with my ex-husband trying to take his own life. Then he and I parted ways and I was left alone as a single mom teetering between self and the Holy Spirit.
Once again there was a man that came into my life. This time the outside on the surface was the greatest thing ever (so I thought and my children thought too) but deep down in the hidden dark place of this man was not good and it has had a lasting effect on myself and my children. (mostly my oldest daughter, let’s just say that this man is in jail for the rest of his life since there were several other young girls that had crossed his evil path) God finally brought me out of my selfish ways, myself centerdness to my knees crying out to him with every ounce of my being. I was crushed and almost feeling dead when I realized what I needed in my life. It was not going to be the perfect man or money or good things around me or any of that. It was simply going to be Him! I crumpled onto the floor and asked the questions of why and how could you let this happen? How am I going to get through this? Will my children be alright? I cried and screamed until I was numb and then there was a calm that washed over me from head to toe and it was warm and then I knew the answers that I had sought and instead of starting to go my way. I sat there and whispered “I’m sorry”.
From that moment I stood up and knew who I was going to develop a relationship with, who I was going to walk with, who I was going to give my heart, body and soul to. Yes you know the answer..Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.
I began craving his word. I reached out for his guiding hand in my life. I started to attend the services at the Baptist church that I worked for (yes I worked for two churches a Methodist one as a pre-school asst and a church secretary at the Baptist church) Soon there were different people placed in my path, that were sharing their lives with me that brought in to the church closer than I’d ever been. I was surrounded by Him. There was a family there that I wanted to be part of. I started attending the Ladies Bible study, going to the church pot lucks. The kids and I went to Sunday school before the service. My children and I gave our lives to Jesus and were Baptist zed. I wanted his calming, peaceful, powerful, every loving and lasting trusting guidance, discipline and love in my life! I knew he was there for me and would have me no matter my prior history with him.
To this day I love music, most of the time I only listen to Christian music. Yes there have been times the music will pull and tug at my heart strings but I know that is because something is going on that I need to make right with Him. I need to repent and ask for forgiveness or guidance from and I need to listen to Him with my heart not my ears.
Now I stand before you with Jesus Christ at the center of my life. It is by his grace that I am who I am.
Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me. For always seeing what was truly in my heart and taking the time and patience to bring me before your throne to be used in your plan (not mine) and to serve you, there is no love greater than your LOVE.
Thank you for the may blessings that you have placed in my life since that moment I turned my life over to you. I have a wonderful husband that cares for me and my three children. You have given me a teenage son to get to know and love. You have grown me as mother and friend, and as your child. You have changed my heart and encouraged me with my role of a wife with you and my husband together. You have given me grace to continue in my new chapter with you.
Thank you for taking my hand and not letting go. I am yours.
Later in my sophomore year of high school I met a boy and soon we started to date and he eventually introduced me to his church. It was an Assembly of God . I soon discovered that I loved all the music the worship band played and sang. It inspired me, it stirred things inside of me. I thought I felt closer to God during this time. I soon fell away from this church body too. (Ironically this the is church that my mom and her husband were married in, became members and attend)
So by now I’m out on my own going to the Community College and working nights a hotel as a cocktail waitress. I met a boy and eventually was in a relationship with him. I moved in with him. There was no mention of God or a church during this time. This went on for 2 years then things started to get a little strange and we parted ways.
I started a new stage of life working at a car dealership and guess what happened…..I met a man. I was in my 20s and he was in his mid 30s. He swept me off my feet for some time and married me. He was raised in a Methodist church. Early on in our marriage God or church was not part of the deal, although God’s presence was felt in the background of it all. The car business was not good to us soon my husband, our 1st baby girl and I moved into my dad’s house and lived with him for almost 2 years. Our son came into the picture shortly after my husband had lost his job . He then left for Albuquerque and found a job in 2 days after searching for 2 months in El Paso.
We moved to Albuquerque when our son was 7 months old. He worked as a ware house manager and I worked at a child development center at a Methodist church, teaching toddlers. (I see God’s hand do you…..) I worked there for 3 years and during that time we had our 3rd child. A baby girl. ( who at the time was not quite in our plan but she was part of God’s plan at the time) My husband picked up the lead for a while and we started attending the church I worked for, became members and baptized (sprinkled) our children. We attended together as a family for sometime but soon things were not going well again in our marriage and the kids and I were going without my husband.
We moved outside of Albuquerque into the mountains with a smaller community around us. It was nice for awhile. Soon I quit going all and all to church and did not take the children either. The kids made friends with some neighbors down the road. Little did I know what role this family would play in our lives at that time. I started to work for them in their home that ran several businesses in their home. Their kids started taking my kids to church with them and the kids loved it. Then this family developed their own home church in their home and the kids went without me for sometime then I started to go. This is the part in my life where things really got messed up and confused and I seemed to have walked further and further away from the all knowing path that somewhere in the back of my mind and heart I knew I should of found and walked towards but yet, again I took steps backwards.
I divorced my husband after almost 10 years of marriage.
I had the head knowledge of knowing who God was and wanted to be in my life but I had not developed a relationship with him. I had not turned my life completely over to him.
I remember in Albuquerque getting to the point that I avoided the music I heard in church. It hurt to sing. I couldn’t sing without starting to feel all chocked up and on the verge of tears. I was sort of reaching out but not letting go. My heart would become heavy and my mind would go over all the things that had been going on in my life and I felt lost, heartbroken, helpless, defeated and scared. I left the room many times until the singing was over and would cry a little bit before returning to hear the message. I recall myself pushing away more than seeking, questioning and doubting than trusting and believing. Sadly enough I did this for years then I sort of went in the middle of more confusion. Knowing the right path but still not following it. Following more of a self path…..it’s hard to describe. It was a place of discovery of “self” more than anything.
By now I was divorced and living briefly for about 3 months with my mom and stepped dad in their house in El Paso trying to figure out what to do and fix the mess that I was in (notice I said I was trying to fix the mess and not giving it up to God and letting him) I went to my mom one night and told her that I felt in my heart that I had to move where my ex-husband was and try to put thing back together again.
The power of the Lord was knocking at my heart by now. I started changing some and started looking up in His direction, trying to listen with my ears (not my heart) but still I wavered in and out of His presence . I continued on the “self, I can do it path, I can change my ex-husband, I can do it all)
Trials were placed in my path over and over again, each time I found a way around Him. Which usually the outcomes were 10x worse than if I ‘d only chosen to walk with the Lord. The trials started to get bigger as time went on. Unfortunately He really felt like I needed something to get my attention. He hadn’t given up on me. He knew my true heart, but he had to discipline me. (he knew my heart all along when I didn’t)
It started with my ex-husband trying to take his own life. Then he and I parted ways and I was left alone as a single mom teetering between self and the Holy Spirit.
Once again there was a man that came into my life. This time the outside on the surface was the greatest thing ever (so I thought and my children thought too) but deep down in the hidden dark place of this man was not good and it has had a lasting effect on myself and my children. (mostly my oldest daughter, let’s just say that this man is in jail for the rest of his life since there were several other young girls that had crossed his evil path) God finally brought me out of my selfish ways, myself centerdness to my knees crying out to him with every ounce of my being. I was crushed and almost feeling dead when I realized what I needed in my life. It was not going to be the perfect man or money or good things around me or any of that. It was simply going to be Him! I crumpled onto the floor and asked the questions of why and how could you let this happen? How am I going to get through this? Will my children be alright? I cried and screamed until I was numb and then there was a calm that washed over me from head to toe and it was warm and then I knew the answers that I had sought and instead of starting to go my way. I sat there and whispered “I’m sorry”.
From that moment I stood up and knew who I was going to develop a relationship with, who I was going to walk with, who I was going to give my heart, body and soul to. Yes you know the answer..Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.
I began craving his word. I reached out for his guiding hand in my life. I started to attend the services at the Baptist church that I worked for (yes I worked for two churches a Methodist one as a pre-school asst and a church secretary at the Baptist church) Soon there were different people placed in my path, that were sharing their lives with me that brought in to the church closer than I’d ever been. I was surrounded by Him. There was a family there that I wanted to be part of. I started attending the Ladies Bible study, going to the church pot lucks. The kids and I went to Sunday school before the service. My children and I gave our lives to Jesus and were Baptist zed. I wanted his calming, peaceful, powerful, every loving and lasting trusting guidance, discipline and love in my life! I knew he was there for me and would have me no matter my prior history with him.
To this day I love music, most of the time I only listen to Christian music. Yes there have been times the music will pull and tug at my heart strings but I know that is because something is going on that I need to make right with Him. I need to repent and ask for forgiveness or guidance from and I need to listen to Him with my heart not my ears.
Now I stand before you with Jesus Christ at the center of my life. It is by his grace that I am who I am.
Thank you Jesus for never giving up on me. For always seeing what was truly in my heart and taking the time and patience to bring me before your throne to be used in your plan (not mine) and to serve you, there is no love greater than your LOVE.
Thank you for the may blessings that you have placed in my life since that moment I turned my life over to you. I have a wonderful husband that cares for me and my three children. You have given me a teenage son to get to know and love. You have grown me as mother and friend, and as your child. You have changed my heart and encouraged me with my role of a wife with you and my husband together. You have given me grace to continue in my new chapter with you.
Thank you for taking my hand and not letting go. I am yours.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Day by Day in a New Light
I know that after the previous post that it was on the serious deep side of life. I know that it’s only been a day since that night happened and things are not as they were. Which they shouldn’t be that would defeat the whole purpose of going through all that we did. Things are not to be solved so quickly and perfect! It is the new light that shines between us day by day that will get us to the next moment together. There is no need to rush and say okay its fine all fixed now. Its day by day in a His light that will carry us to the next knowing that in the end by his grace all will be good for all in the end and will bring Glory to our almighty Savior. There will be bumps in life, life won’t always be rainbows and candy filled happy go lucky smiles but it won’t take long to bounce right back into those joyous bright shining moments either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)