Trip to El Paso

I had myself so fully of anxiety before getting on the plane to head out to El Paso that it took me a long time before I could look out the window.  

I enjoyed looking at the puffy white clouds

El Paso TX.  

This is when I first got there, right off the plane and I even said out loud "mommy"  I had a few heads turned and look but I didn't care.  44 and still call her "mommy" :)

I didn't have time to eat so I as hungry and I asked if we could go to Taco Cabana.  Gosh I had to go a long ways just for a late dinner lol!  Enjoyed yummy tacos with my mom and Larry before going to their house.

Yummy breakfast mom would fix each morning I was there!  A great bowl of yogurt, granola, bananas, strawberry and almonds with a side of cinnamon toast!

My pretty little mommy right there......

We went out to dinner one night to a place that we have been going to off and on for years.....since Karlee was a baby!

Mom giving me a ride on the gator!  It was so so much fun!  I loved seeing her smile so big and laugh so much.....

This one is my favorite, look at the fun she is having!

Peek a boo!

Mom and Larry have set up a nice little area to sit out and watch the quail and enjoy time together after a long hot day at Chaparral.

Silly mommy on the gator!

Mom fixed me a different kind of Margarita.  An Italian one made with Amaretto.  It was really good and refreshing.  I will have to get the items to have on hand to enjoy one sometimes.

It's Sunday July 9th, it would have been my daddy's 67th birthday.  In honor of him we set out to grill pizzas.  We had done that on his 63rd b-day.

We ended up having to do them in the oven instead.  Mom didn't know she didn't have any propane.  It was fine we still enjoyed making our pizzas and enjoyed them.

Mom opened a bottle of Merlot that she was given as a gift one time.  

I think she is happy now.  We got her all figured out with her phone and photos.  

Us before I got on the plane to go home.  Our time together was short but we made the most of it and I'm so happy I made the trip.

There is my ride......

Hello Karlee Girl!

Home sweet home!

More posts to come upon reflection of the trip........

there was a purpose for going more than I knew.....

Peace in God is Perfect

His perfect peace is perfect!  After my trip to El Paso TX by myself without my kids I realized how much God's peace is perfect and its best to rest in His peace.  Before I had even gotten on the plane to start the trip my body and mind was a mess.  My stomach was feeling yucky, my body ached and my mind was crazy with thoughts.  I was nervous about flying.  I was nervous leaving the kids while being being in another state.  I had myself so worked up and it was the wrong thing to do, but it was my flesh acting out instead of my spirit and my heart.  God is in control of everything but at times I try to take back the control.  I know its something we all struggle with.

After the first day into the trip I was finally beginning to relax, although I did look at my phone at times to see if one of my kids needed me.  They were fine.  I was fine.  We all were fine.

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you,

all whose thoughts are fixed on you!

Isaiah 26:3 NLT

We are the robbers of our own peace.  We rob our peace in the Lord when we distract ourselves with thoughts of unpaid bills, how are the kids, etc.  But when we trust God fully, and keep our minds on Him, we will naturally feel a calmness.....His peace.  He is perfect.  His peace is perfect, and we all need to remember that only perfect peace can come from trusting Him.

This was in a devotional I read on peace the other day and I really liked it:

"Thought fixed on Him are thoughts steeped in tranquility".

When I returned home from the trip and walked into my home I knew that all was fine.  God really does have a handle on my life and my family.

In Him, perfect peace is His promise.  Thank you Lord for having patience with me when I try to worry myself crazy.

July 3, 2017

Yesterday was a busy day at work.  Its funny because I would have thought it was have been slow, but the moment that my boss mentioned that we might close early that was the end of it.  It was a quote day!  There were so many calling and coming by the office for an auto quote, renters or a travel trailer.  It was good because it meant new business but it was busy because people wanted it then and now despite the holiday closure upon us.  But my boss and I managed the day and it was over before we knew it!

Sara was at home waiting and waiting, thinking I would get off early.  She and I decided that we would go to the Lights on the Lawn close to where we live on the golf course.  I left work at 5:30 and picked up Sara's friend Marlee.  Got home changed my cloths and asked Kyle one more time if he wanted to go with us.  He didn't want to go.  Living in the apartment complex that we do live in, it wasn't that far to the event so we decide to walk.  It wasn't a bad walk, a little hot but it wasn't bad.

Soon the girls were off catching up with their friends that were there.  I went to go find a friend that was doing the Thrive tent, and said hi to her.  I like Shannon but she is very busy and we haven't really connected yet.  I said hi and left to go explore.  There were so many people there with so many little ones running around laughing and playing.  It was great to see so many families.  You don't realize how many people there are where you live until you see a huge group all at one event.

I was hungry so I headed to find some yummy street tacos and grabbed a beer and picked a spot to sit in the grass and eat.  As I ate I people watched.  I finished eating and began to walk around, then I found a chair and sat down for a bit, continuing my people watching.  I wasn't thinking much about anything really, just taking in the view of all the people and watching them interact with their kids and enjoying hearing little ones laugh as they ran around.  I ran into to people I knew and said hi for a moment.  Then I saw Sara in the distance talking to some people and went to go see who they were.  As I got closer I realized they were another friends parents and friends.

I got up to them and that was it my wandering ended!  I was inviting to hang out with them and enjoy the firework show.  They made my night, it was so nice not sitting off somewhere by myself while Sara sat with her friends.

I know its okay to be alone and I'm not trying to be a baby and act like I can't do anything on my own.  Its just different and its where I'm at in this process of life, truly embracing being a single parent.  Its also a time that I'm learning to be me again and to gain my confidence back too.  Life really really is a process, a process of steps!  I'm okay with it.  I'm learning to sit and be still and do venture out embracing moments of alone time and with my kids and who knows....meeting new people and making new friends too!

My Weekends & More

Last weekend: 

Friday night the girls and I went out to dinner and had sushi at Karma, then we went to the movies.  

Saturday night:  Sara and I went to the Rodeo.  She met up with her friends and I met us with a few of mine.

We all enjoyed the rodeo so much!  Its something I will do again next year!

This Friday night:

Didn't really do anything at all!

Saturday morning:

I had the great pleasure of having a baby photo shoot!  A precious 2 week old little baby boy.  I've never taken pictures a baby for someone before.  But I was asked so I did a quick crash course of tips and things on Pinterest and then I felt ready to do the task!  

It was so much fun taking pictures of this little guy.

The remaining of the day I didn't do much but focus on relaxing.  I know "focus" who has to focus on relaxing....well I guess better said is that I told myself that it was alright to just sit still and not do much, take a nap, read the book I'm reading, watch Netflix etc.

I saw Karlee off in the morning to head out to Lake Powell with her boyfriend's family.  She will be gone until the 6th.  Sara has been enjoying staying at Marlee's house the last couple of days.  Kyle was at work all day.

When Kyle got home he was starving!  So it was just him and I so we went out to eat at Oreganos.  I was very sneaking but I was able to get two pictures of him without him knowing. (but he told me later that he knew I did hehehe)

He and I sometimes struggle for conversation but eventually we talked.  We talked some about school, football, his hurt ankle and a few random things.  It was really nice to talk.  I enjoyed our time together.  After we ate we went to Walmart together for a few things.

Today: Sunday 

Woke up startled as Kyle ran down the stairs saying "mom, mom its 7:00, I'm late for work!"  I'm not sure what happened to our alarms but they didn't go off and he threw on his cloths, grabbed a Gatorade and out he ran slamming the door behind him.  I texted him mid-morning and told him that I hoped his morning was going better and that I loved him.  He later texted and asked me if I'd bring him lunch....I had a feeling.  So I did, I took him Subway.

Today I ran errands and picked up Sara from one friends house to take her home for a little while and then to another friends house.  In between running around, I did my laundry and put it all away.

There were times in silence that I'd drift to the thoughts of having someone in my life to share with but in those moments I'd tell myself "its alright", "just enjoy being", etc....

As I've said before the weekends seem to be a challenge with so much time on my hands with the kids doing their thing.  I don't need to depend on others to make me happy, I have the Lord and I'm alright.  I need to continue stepping out and doing things on my own.  I just couldn't bring myself to go to the Art in the Park or go to the Taco Truck Event either.  There is a ton of things going on this weekend, since the 4th of July is Tuesday.  

I got my camera out the other night and played with different settings and things.  I really enjoyed doing that.  I feel a photo journal coming on......

Anyways I better start wrapping up the night and getting ready for tomorrow being Monday, a new work week with a little trip to El Paso later in the week to look forward too!