The Season

I have never really had trouble with the holiday season, like some.  This year has been different.  It started a little before Thanksgiving and has gradually gotten worse.  There are days that I just want to get in my vehicle and drive to my mom and dad....to be around family.  I wanted to escape to my Uncle's over the kids winter break but that can't happen.  They have company in and out and also my van is not in the condition to really take out on the road.  I think the brakes need to be done badly.

I have been keeping busy for the most part with the kids and working for three different people.  At the end of November I had worked for Linda at the church while she went on vacation for two weeks. I really love working there in the church office.  Then there is Jane, who I help with the care of her parents.  And now there is Julie, I help with clerical stuff in her home office.

It gets the hardest when no one is home.  My kids are always over a friend's house.  Dillon since he has been back in the house hasn't really been around much.  He got out of jail last week on Friday. He had been in since the end of August.  Micah had been busy with his hunt and last Sunday on his last day to hunt got an elk!  He also is always at work.

There are so many times I get watery eyes after observing a couple that is happy, or has really stood by each other and show their love and support for one another.

It's hard to celebrate the holidays as a family when there doesn't seem to be a family that lives in these four walls that surround us.

I keep holding on and leaning on the Lord.  He gives me strength when I can't find any, and hope when I've lost it.  He is never wrong and He is in control of the bigger plan that I can't understand so I keep moving forward in His presence.

But as it has gotten closer to Christmas I'm really not happy.....
I'm trying to stay busy but my thoughts go to places that I don't have the answers for and all I can do is wait...

I wonder if Micah will go to Christmas Eve Service?
I wonder if we will all go together as a family?
I wonder if I have to strength and courage to go by myself if no one else goes?  And be able to focus only on my Heavenly Father?

I know the answer to the last few questions and it is that if its in God's will.....yes and yes!

This is the season to focus and get closer to the Lord.