Pics of everyday life

Me!  Hi there!  I took a selfie while sitting in front of Jane's computer working on the women's ministry blog.

Sara & Emma came by to say hi to me and Sara and I got a little silly.

Sara & Emma (Day 1 Spring break)

Karlee sent this from Mexico the other night.  She is spending time with a friend and her family in Rocky Point

No wonder his neck hurts when he falls asleep watching T.V.

Having fun with Thirty-one Gifts....loving my new purse & wallet

Have slowed down on making cards for a bit.  Lately I've been sitting down and writing cards out for others, a blessing for me and them :)

And Now....

So its been a week that Dillon has been out of the house.  We saw him the other night.  He actually came to the door and knocked then we let him in.  Oddly enough he came by for his skateboard...but he hugged both Micah and I and off he went.  He is going to sink or swim and its all on him so we will wait and see what happens.

Scott hadn't been feeling well at all most of last week.  It was awful to see him that way.  He seems to be over it for the most part now.  He looks better but still says he doesn't feel the greatest, it could be stress with all that he has going on in his head.  Yesterday he stressed to me that we need to sit down and plan things for what could be ahead so that things will be in place for the kids if anything should happen to him.  The whole process with all this is the hardest part....all the waiting for each step then the next....never simple but what can we do.  Soon he will have a Chest CT and a Colonsocopy.(sorry for the mis spell)  Hopefully sooner than that he will get the results of his latest blood work regarding the markings for cancer.

Well I finally had short heart to heart with my son.  I'm a little sad but I know its what he wants and is happy.  He officially says that his home is at his dads.....and that where I live with Micah and the girls is my home or our home but not his.  He wants to live with his dad full time.  He has been actually for the last month.  I miss seeing him often but I do see him at times, its not like I don't and I'm thankful that he is there with his dad.  He loves his dad, and I know it has meant a lot to Scott that he and Kyle have built a relationship.  He is 15, a young man-he needs his father. (in whatever capacity that Scott can give) (I mean that in a good way, I've learned to accept Scott and love him for who he is)

Sara moved some of her things into the boys room and claims it to be hers now.  To see the happiness on her face made the little hole I felt fill up some.  It will be less crowed in the girls room, now with them separated, even if it turns out to be temporary.  Sara understands and she said she would enjoy it while she can.

Things continue to set me back into reality with Micah and I and my heart aches but I lean on Christ and keep moving on.

It was great to talk to my little brother yesterday.  I miss him.  I hate the distance we have between us in all ways.  I pray that God can bring us closer.

And now.....the new week begins. (Spring Break this week with the kids)

A new journey

A new journey has begun in my life.  It's taken me on a path that I do not know how to do.  In this new journey of unknown, I walk with my hand out to the Lord as I hold on to the hands of my children.  My ex-husband has been diagnosed with chronic hepatitis C.  If that wasn't enough, there were high markers for stomach, colon or liver cancer.

I don't know how to walk on this path.  I know others have.  I trust God will place the people and situations in our path to help us along the way.

My oldest daughter, sends me a text today, while at school.  She said that all she can think about is what song she will sing at her dad's funereal (that she had dreamed about the night before).  My heart sank for her at that moment, I wished I was with her then to hold her close but instead I could only offer a few words in a message that would hopefully get her mind focused back in her class for that moment. Then I stopped for a moment and whispered a little prayer.  It wasn't much, all I could find to say was "Jesus help me".

Circles around me

Do you ever feel like life is circling around you and you can't seem to stay with it all?  Lately it seems that there have been so many quick little changes that happen and then another and so on.  All I find myself doing is standing still in the middle of it feeling a little clueless and overwhelmed.

Life brings on life and you go with the moment then to the next one and then a new day begins again.

My daughter now has her own little car to get herself around to and from places and to work.  My son has spent the last two weeks with his dad and I see him here and there briefly.  My Sara bear is not wanting to be babied like a little girl because she is 12 and has developed an attitude with this stage.

My kids are getting older and as they do I find myself not "needed" so much anymore.  That is good but at the same time its an adjustment to work through for me.

Things are the same with my husband and I, a few steps forward and a 15 steps back.

I have enjoyed the snow but now looking forward to warmer temps with Spring around the corner.

I have started my own business, as a consultant with Thirty-one Gifts.  I'm having fun so far.

Circles of life whirl around but the one consent that remains the same now, in 15 mins, tomorrow and the next day is the Lord.  I'm so thankful and at peace with knowing this and leaning on Him.

Kids & Choas

In the grand scheme of life sometimes the things that drive us crazy, or have us going from one end of town to the next, or just happy chaos, seem really big at the times.  I was talking with someone last night briefly and we talked about our kids, when they were sports and how having 4 of them in sports was crazy. (I'm only down to one right now...Sara will start softball soon)  Yes, its crazy and challenging to get each one to practice, and then trying to watch each of them play.

But I can look back and think now that all of was very small compared to the "big picture".  It was no big deal and we all managed and got through it with lots of smiles, a few bruises and lots of pictures taken.

I have began to cherish and and enjoy the "mom taxi" phase......its only temporary.  I enjoy my kids needing me, although I'm trying to balance out the "gotta let go" and help them move into their next phase of responsibility.  My oldest daughter will be 18 next in September and a senior next school year!   It's crazy how times goes so fast, gone are the days of the little girl running around easily dressed in the cutest outfits that I got to pick out.  Gone is the day that my little boy wants me to rub his back while he goes to sleep....he will be 15 on Monday!  Then there is my youngest daughter, she is 12 and going on 15!   

I love my kids and I look forward watching them grow and change as life keeps going on around them.

So when I have to go all over the place and things are a little crazy I just remind myself that all this is temporary, so make the most of it and cherish the joys that come with the busyness.

February 10th

FAMILY

Around the holidays last year was when I knew I had to let go of how in my mind a family should look.  I had to let go and embrace who we are as a family and learn to embrace and love us how we are and not how I had hoped we were to be.

All families are different but I think as long as one person in that family walks with God beside them and leans on His help, strength and wisdom that its enough of constant to bring the family together in whatever way that looks like for them.

So I've let my idol of the perfect, blended family go and now learning to get to know, care for and love the blended family that is real before me.

It hasn't been easy and is not easy and it will get harder before the good fruit can be seen but I'm standing firm in place holding Jesus' hand along the way.

Even in the waiting god can work.  God can also add changes and blessings during the waiting period of another unanswered pray.  God has not dismissed that He is working on the answer for me.  He is just strengthening my faith.
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THE PERFECT FAMILY!! WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?

IS IT A MOTHER THAT WATCHES HOW NO ONE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE TOGETHER TO EAT DINNER?

IS IT WHEN EVERYONE IS SCATTERED?  IS IT WHEN ALL THE KIDS ARE AT THEIR FRIENDS HOUSE ALL WEEKEND AND HARDLY HOME?

IS IT JUST THE MOTHER GOING TO CHURCH?

IS IT WHEN THE KIDS SEEM TO ONLY GO TO YOUTH GROUP?

YES!  ITS ALL OF THAT AND MORE
EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT AND NOT PERFECT TO THE OUTSIDE BUT PERFECT FOR THE INSIDE OF WHAT GOD IS DOING IN EACH.

Giving God's Grace

This morning in bible study we were talking about grace.  We are doing our study on the book One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian (Billy Grahams's grandson)  Any way while Laura was talking and and others were sharing their stories of grace is when God opened my heart a little more on the issue with how hard it is to love the difficult in my life. (one being my step-son)

God helps me to give grace to Dillon, everyday!  God has given grace to Dillon through so many people in his life that has crossed his path while making negative choices.  There are times I'm baffled at what I see unfolds right in front of me.  As there are times when my own children look in and wonder about how I can keep forgiving and starting fresh with Dillon.  I'ts all by God's Grace.

I have come to accept (which here again is God) that God has a purpose for Dillon's life.  He must with all that Dillon is continued to be given despite how he is.  God knows.  God will use Dillon and others around him for a grand, amazing purpose.....so there really is hope.  Yes, I have doubted some and often questioned without understanding what that is.  But I don't have to know what that purpose is, in order to give grace through God.

Realizing this today has made things  a little clearer, a little less boggled to understand.....that Dillon's life will be transformed by grace.

I find myself making a mental note of this so that I can remind myself more than once so that it will keep me in line with always trusting God and allowing Him to use me in Dillon's life and others using grace to bring him closer to God one day.

This was written on a page in the book:  The one-way love of God meets us in our failures.  Our failures make His one-way love that much more glorious.
(I wrote in my notes:  I find it hard to give grace to Dillon at times, I fail but because I fail God can give me grace so that I can give grace to Dillon.  With God's help I can and will give grace.