Kids & Choas

In the grand scheme of life sometimes the things that drive us crazy, or have us going from one end of town to the next, or just happy chaos, seem really big at the times.  I was talking with someone last night briefly and we talked about our kids, when they were sports and how having 4 of them in sports was crazy. (I'm only down to one right now...Sara will start softball soon)  Yes, its crazy and challenging to get each one to practice, and then trying to watch each of them play.

But I can look back and think now that all of was very small compared to the "big picture".  It was no big deal and we all managed and got through it with lots of smiles, a few bruises and lots of pictures taken.

I have began to cherish and and enjoy the "mom taxi" phase......its only temporary.  I enjoy my kids needing me, although I'm trying to balance out the "gotta let go" and help them move into their next phase of responsibility.  My oldest daughter will be 18 next in September and a senior next school year!   It's crazy how times goes so fast, gone are the days of the little girl running around easily dressed in the cutest outfits that I got to pick out.  Gone is the day that my little boy wants me to rub his back while he goes to sleep....he will be 15 on Monday!  Then there is my youngest daughter, she is 12 and going on 15!   

I love my kids and I look forward watching them grow and change as life keeps going on around them.

So when I have to go all over the place and things are a little crazy I just remind myself that all this is temporary, so make the most of it and cherish the joys that come with the busyness.

February 10th

FAMILY

Around the holidays last year was when I knew I had to let go of how in my mind a family should look.  I had to let go and embrace who we are as a family and learn to embrace and love us how we are and not how I had hoped we were to be.

All families are different but I think as long as one person in that family walks with God beside them and leans on His help, strength and wisdom that its enough of constant to bring the family together in whatever way that looks like for them.

So I've let my idol of the perfect, blended family go and now learning to get to know, care for and love the blended family that is real before me.

It hasn't been easy and is not easy and it will get harder before the good fruit can be seen but I'm standing firm in place holding Jesus' hand along the way.

Even in the waiting god can work.  God can also add changes and blessings during the waiting period of another unanswered pray.  God has not dismissed that He is working on the answer for me.  He is just strengthening my faith.
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THE PERFECT FAMILY!! WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE?

IS IT A MOTHER THAT WATCHES HOW NO ONE SITS DOWN AT THE TABLE TOGETHER TO EAT DINNER?

IS IT WHEN EVERYONE IS SCATTERED?  IS IT WHEN ALL THE KIDS ARE AT THEIR FRIENDS HOUSE ALL WEEKEND AND HARDLY HOME?

IS IT JUST THE MOTHER GOING TO CHURCH?

IS IT WHEN THE KIDS SEEM TO ONLY GO TO YOUTH GROUP?

YES!  ITS ALL OF THAT AND MORE
EVERY FAMILY IS DIFFERENT AND NOT PERFECT TO THE OUTSIDE BUT PERFECT FOR THE INSIDE OF WHAT GOD IS DOING IN EACH.

Giving God's Grace

This morning in bible study we were talking about grace.  We are doing our study on the book One Way Love by Tullian Tchividjian (Billy Grahams's grandson)  Any way while Laura was talking and and others were sharing their stories of grace is when God opened my heart a little more on the issue with how hard it is to love the difficult in my life. (one being my step-son)

God helps me to give grace to Dillon, everyday!  God has given grace to Dillon through so many people in his life that has crossed his path while making negative choices.  There are times I'm baffled at what I see unfolds right in front of me.  As there are times when my own children look in and wonder about how I can keep forgiving and starting fresh with Dillon.  I'ts all by God's Grace.

I have come to accept (which here again is God) that God has a purpose for Dillon's life.  He must with all that Dillon is continued to be given despite how he is.  God knows.  God will use Dillon and others around him for a grand, amazing purpose.....so there really is hope.  Yes, I have doubted some and often questioned without understanding what that is.  But I don't have to know what that purpose is, in order to give grace through God.

Realizing this today has made things  a little clearer, a little less boggled to understand.....that Dillon's life will be transformed by grace.

I find myself making a mental note of this so that I can remind myself more than once so that it will keep me in line with always trusting God and allowing Him to use me in Dillon's life and others using grace to bring him closer to God one day.

This was written on a page in the book:  The one-way love of God meets us in our failures.  Our failures make His one-way love that much more glorious.
(I wrote in my notes:  I find it hard to give grace to Dillon at times, I fail but because I fail God can give me grace so that I can give grace to Dillon.  With God's help I can and will give grace.

Struggling

Struggling with grace
struggling with my oldest daughter's attitude
struggling with a depressed, grumpy husband
struggling with a selfish step-son
struggling.......
It's a cold winter like day and despite it's beauty I'm struggling with finding the joy in things today but I won't give up.  I will keep looking up and asking God to show me the joy and beauty.  I will pray for strength, courage, wisdom and kindness of spirit to keep walking forward and loving the difficult in my life.  I do not choose harden of heart or bitterness.  I choose to walk in His way.  I can not do it by myself.  I give up my struggling and ask for the His presence to surround me with comfort and peace.
Thank you Lord for being there.

Time & perspective

It may sound silly but it makes sense to me.  I'm sitting here in my quite time thinking about different people I know in my life.  The two ladies above are really beautiful inside and out and have a glowing of the Holy Spirit around them.  Nicole (in the first pic) lives in Poland.  Jesse (pic above) lives in Kenya.

I got my phone and looked at the world clock and added both places to my list so I could see what time it is there.  It's morning here but late afternoon there in both places. (They are both here in Flagstaff for awhile before they head back). Knowing the time helped me put into perspective of where we are all at in this world and what we could be doing in that moment.  But it also has helped me feel linked to them to be able to pray more for them and their sweet families. 

I really enjoyed listening to them share how they make being a missionary part of their everyday life and not looking at it like a job.  They were inspiring and motivating.  

Lord I pray that you will place it on my heart to keep these two ladies and their families on my mind often and to help pray for each of them.  Also help me to take each moment and turn it towards you with the people I meet or the situations that are placed in my path.  In your wonderful name, Amen

Pondering the new year

The new year is in full swing with or without me.  The holidays were rough and looking back at what I wrote in my prayer journal I think you could say that I was depressed.  Since then I have gotten out of my depression to only find myself more in a pick up your feet and sigh real deeply keeping going mood now.  

The new year may not seem like it has started any different than the last year but there is a difference.  I know some may say not to look back in the past and just start a new day.  I think there is even a bible verse about something along the lines of not looking back too....but it's the looking back that will offer me strength, courage, and grace to go into the new year.  It's looking back at the joys and blessings of moments of happiness with my family.  Those moments will bring a smile to my face when I might find it hard to smile.  It's those reflections that will bring joy to my day and a little laughter when I need a pick me up. It's looking back on the hard, frustrating, tearful moments and thanking the Lord for them.  It's through them that my life has been changed and it's what helps me grow closer to the Lord.  

Thank you for last year.  Thank you for getting me through the holidays.  Thank you for taking my hand now and walking along with me into the new year.  I'm not alone.  I will have a year with you Lord in all that it will bring.  Thank you Lord.  I'm ready with you.....

Trust in God Alone

Psalm 62:1-2
As for me, my heart waits on God.
I know that my salvation comes from Him.
I may change my views about many things;
but as for my need for God and His Love,
that is one conviction
which shall never change.

Yesterday it was nice to see and visit with an old friend and her family.  She has a way of looking into things with a fresh insight.  She has been one of my faithful blog readers.  I was surprised for some reason that she told me how much she likes it.  I guess that is because when you feel down on life you don't see anything that could bring joy or encouragement to others.  I've always written to help me work through tings.  But the lessons and insight I have gained comes all from God.

The strength and courage that two other friends commented to me about seeing in me yesterday....also comes from God.

It's because of God that I can endure and wait for my hearts desire and keep my hope alive in Him.