I'm really not...

I'm really not....
I'm really not strong without you, Lord. 

I'm not strong enough but He is.

I don't have to be strong to stand on my own two feet.  I give up. There are times I fall and try to be on "my own".  I can't!  I can't be who I need to be without Him. I need His help.  Its too much to do on my own.  It causes hurt, pain, tiredness, irritablity, worries, ups and downs.  There is no constant when I try to stand on my own.  There is You and You are constant.  I need You, Lord.  I need to always remember you are there to take me and put me on my own two feet. I need You to be my strength.  My stronghold.  I need you Lord to be strong for me to be who I need to be for You, Lord.

Stand me up on my feet to be....
the child of God
the daughter
the wife
the mother
the friend

Thank you Lord for being the all powerful that is the only constant in my life.  Thank you.

Always something else going on....

It is so crazy, just when you think you've got things figured out in one area of your life and that things can finally start running smoothly then another area pops up needing work on it too.  I feel like I'm finally figuring out things in my marriage but now in the kid area things have hit a rough patch. 

As I have mentioned before Micah is out of town during the week and home on the weekends.  The amount of time with the kids shouldn't seem any different than if he were here during the week but it is.  I think its because he isn't here at night, at the end of the day when we are all tired.  It seems right around early evening and into bed time the kids and I seem to start hitting heads.  Yesterday Kyle lost his temper and threw his binder across the room and yelled at me that he wasn't going to talk to me anymore.  Then later in the evening Karlee interrupted me while I was talking to Kyle and I asked her to hang on and she ran upstairs yelling at me in frustration telling me that she was going to stop talking to me too.  I didn't know how to react, so I said whatever and went upstairs and sat out on the balcony and cried a little.  I was hurt and frustrated.  I don't remember talking to my parents the way mine do at times.  Then I went to tuck Kyle in and he says that I don't love him or care about him and Karlee cried herself to sleep.  So I felt like enough damage was done so I looked at the clock, it was 9:30 and decided that I would go to bed too.  I just wanted the day to end and start again on a fresh note.

My kids have expressed to me that I seem irritable and mad when I respond to them and that it doesn't matter what they say or do.  I don't think that I am but maybe.  I'm constantly catching them on their tone of voice.  Micah has mentioned that I too have a tone in my voice at times and before he left for this week he reminded me of that and gently told me to watch how I talk to them and see how they respond.  Well I guess I've blown it this week.  I'm feeling really discouraged and frustrated and not sure what to do.  I feel like everything I do or say is wrong with the kids.  I have noticed that there are times I have been impatient with them and irritable but its only after they have kept asking or doing something or not understanding what I'm trying to say or do. 

I have been tired lately, feeling pretty good but tired by the end of the day.  It could be because I'm actually working out everyday and so by the end of the day I'm really tired. I don't know but all I do know is that there is a disconnection right now between the kids and I.  I need God's help in my dealings with my children.  So I laid in bed this morning and prayed to God for his help and guidance.

So now I will just wait.  I have asked God to reveal to me the things that I need to change and do differently and begin again when the kids come home today from school.  I have asked him to help me show grace in my responses with my children.  I've have asked him to help me keep my mouth shut, my ears open and give me time to respond quietly when needed.

I'm happy and very thankful to God that Karlee, Kyle and Dillon went to youth group last night.  I hope they continue.  I'm looking forward to tonight, going to the woman's worship at church.  I'm going to take the girls so that all the kids aren't left here at the house by themselves to avoid any conflict that could arise.  Karlee loves to sing, maybe tonight our hearts will be touched and things will be revealed to us and we come together in our communicating with each other again.

My Love Life

Over the last several months I think I have hinted that there have been some storms that have stirred up here and there around us.  I wanted to let you know that things are improving between my husband and I.  I know that these victories are small and there will be times that we may fall but knowing that there is always hope and that I trust in God is all that I need to know that Micah & I will be alright.  Over the summer I was stuck in Psalms and I also read a book called Love Life by Ed Wheat, M.D. & Gloria Okes Perkins.  It has had a great influence on me and has brought some good changes in myself and in my relationship with Micah.  It is a great book, its biblical, practical, specific, and easy to understand, very encouraging and filled with hope.  We will be celebrating our 2year wedding anniversary on Sept. 3rd. 

I have made my marriage a priority, my relationship with my husband and God are very important to me.  If we are going to succeed in our relationship with each other and in blending our children together and raising them and having a loving family then I am going to totally depend on God and follow where he leads me in his plan (not mine).  I'm not doing MOPS this year.  Yes, there is a little hole and I'm missing the relationships that I developed last year but God has other plans for me.  I'm not quite sure what they are yet.  It may be a part-time job.  Whatever it will be it will only bring me closer into God's plan for me. 

Micah has been working out of town during the week in Camp Verde and coming home on the weekends.  I look forward to the weekends and dread the beginning of the new week.  I am so thankful for all the work that God has done in me and my relationship with husband.  I look forward to each day on this journey with God and my husband. ( and yes I will be grateful for any bumps in the road too because they will bring us closer and stronger)

My love life.....
thank you Father

My Kids

Karlee Girl or Charlie

She will be in the 8th grade this year.  She signed up for honor classes, choir, and yearbook.  She is super excited for the new school year.  She spent several weeks with her half sister Amber in TX.  I enjoy her company when we get a chance to have time together.  She is adored by her little sister Sara.  Looked up to for help or protection by her little brother Kyle.  Tolerated by her teen-age step brother (isn't that normal though)  She is full of energy most days and loves to hang out with her friends, she is a little social butterfly. My mom started calling her Karlee Girl, she and my mom are close.  Micah nicknamed her Charlie and it sort has stuck and I find myself calling her Charlie.  I look forward to the new school year with her, as she continues to grow and change in a beautiful young woman.

Dillon or aka Pickles or Dead eye

Dillon will be a sophomore this year at Coconino High .  He is looking forward to the new year at school.  He signed up for Autos and Welding and has both this year.  This summer he enjoyed shooting, playing in the water, playing video games, and exploring at Chaparral, hunting down tranchulas, staying up late and watching movies.  He also spent most of the summer going to work with his dad.  Shortly after we met Dillon the very first time, Karlee nicknamed Dillon pickles. Grandpa Larry started calling him Dead eye last summer after realizing how well Dillon shot at the clay pigeons being throw up to shoot at. He gives good huge wrap around hugs and can make you laugh. He can't sit still much, always has to be doing something.   He is constantly day dreaming about the day he will be able to drive.  He plans on looking for a job soon.  I look forward to watching Dillon develop into a young man as he explores his interest in Autos, welding and getting his learners permit.

Kyle my buddy.  Also known as Bubba or Hot Rod.  

Kyle will be in the 6th grade this year.  He will start a new adventure in the world of middle school.  He is ready for his new adventure.  He has spent his summer having fun in the sun at the skate park, playing in the water, shooting, video games, catching frogs, and staying up late watching movies.  He will be challenging himself this year in a program called MI-TE, its a combination of advanced science and technology that involves lots of projects.  He is my buddy, I love spending time with him one on one, he is so sweet and sensitive.  When he was small we called him bubba. Grandpa Larry calls him Hot Rod because he found Kyle a little hard and awkward for him to pronounce. He loves his sisters even though he may not show it at times.  He loves to hangout with Dillon.  In fact when Dillon is grounded Kyle struggles with what to do with himself. He has changed so much since he's turned 11 and then this year he will be 12, right around the corner of being a teenager too.  I look forward to watching him grow into the young man he is going to be.

Sara or Sara Bear, Muffin and Butterfly  

Sara will be a 3rd grader this year.  She is so super excited!  She can't wait to see her friends, meet her teacher and oddly enough "get more homework" than last year.  Since to her that means she is getting older and in a higher grade. She will miss having her brother at school with her and that will be an adjustment but I know she will be fine.  Sara has kept busy with friends in the neighborhood, playing in the water, singing and dancing in her room,  just being her happy, bubbly, talkative self.  I love spending one on one time with her.  Her little mind is always at work thinking of all sorts of things and asking lots of questions.  I love her hugs and kisses.  Sara Bear has been a nickname of her since she was a baby in the nursery.  She would stretch out in her crib and make little noises, so one of the ladies called her Sara Bear.  When she was a baby I use to call her "baby cakes" then as she got older I called her "muffin".  I think at this point she will always be my muffin.  Her Grandpa Larry calls her his "butterfly". I love watching her grow, she is my baby and as much as I'd like to hang on to that idea she does have to grow and change.  I look forward to exploring the little girl she will be this year.

Now as for me, well this year will be full of keeping the kids in a routine of snack, homework and chores (all before free time).  It will be full of driving them here and there and everywhere to activities, sports, and friends' houses.  Back to planning out the meals for the week and making sure they shower, brush their teeth and go to bed at a decent time.  There are times I wonder if it was easier when they were small but I think no matter what age they will always be a joyous work to lead, guide, help and watch grow.

What do we do on the weekends now?

Lake Pleasant

Kyle & Micah (Lake Pleasant)

Micah & Dillon (Lake Mary)

Lake Mary

Lake Powell

Friends, Laughter and Fun at Lake Powell

The "show" has begun!  The audience is in the water and the risk taker is ready...one..two and three and  jump (Lake Powell)

our shade from the heat and sun at Lake Powell

We have had so much fun.  But....and there is a but....the kids do not enjoy the ride to the "fun" in Micah's truck.  Everyone is cramped in, its a tight squeeze for all these long legged kids.  I have bruises on my legs from trying to gracefully get on the jet ski.  It wears everyone out.  Micah and I suffer from soreness and aches for a few days afterward from all the jerky movements of being on the water (we are realizing how old we feel)  We all fall asleep fast and hard until late in the morning.  BUT.... all in all we do have fun and enjoy ourselves and will continue until the season of "fun in the sun" is over until next summer.

The Summer Ladies Bible Study

Above is a picture of some of the ladies that attended the Summer Ladies Bible study.  There were other wonderful ladies that drifted in and out on Tuesdays that are not in the picture. We enjoyed our last session by having a potluck and sharing with each other.  Roni Jones facilitated the study and did an awesome job.  

The best part of it all was how this study wraped itself around each of us in that room and worked in our lives as it needed to.  We all came together as sisters, sharing our intimate concerns, worries, situations and trials.  There was no one alone in the room.  We felt loved, accepted and cared about.  We shared our praises and prayed for each other.  We rejoiced in the answered prayers and continued praying for the unanswered ones.  We lifted each other up with words, smiles and hugs of encouragement and comfort (knowing we were not alone)  We shared tears of deep sorrow and of happiness.  We laughed and enjoyed great food and togetherness.  We joined together as sisters and walked out the door knowing we have a family.

Sheila Walsh combines Scripture, personal experience.  She is real and the biblical teaching was enlightening and informative and made sense when she was done. Her descriptions of God's Promises were beautiful.  The study taught us about the promises that God has made to us and how to apply them to our lives. I especially liked the chapter on “Hope". As well as the chapter about “Strength.”  I was truly blessed in the middle of my circumstances.  I have a renewed hope in the midst of my trial, knowing that God is in control and He knows what he is doing.  I need to remember that and know that all is well and will be well with Christ in my life.  I found a new and powerful strength that can see any trial through to the end, good will come out of it all.


I can only speak for myself but I do think we all learned and gained so much by attending this study. We know as believers that there are many promises made to us by God in His word for us to claim. But sometimes we feel they aren’t meant for us and that we are alone. Each of us experiences a time of need.  We need God to survive, especially during those dark days when we are living in uncertainty.   Each chapter is full of encouragement that we have from God.  Below is a list of the chapters.

      Promises, Promises/I Need Something to Hold on To
      Provision/ I Don't Have Enough
      Peace/ I'm Afraid and Feel Alone
     Confidence/ I Can't See God's Plan in this Pain
      Love/ I Don't Believe That Anyone Could Really Love Me
     Grace/  I Have Failed
     Hope/ I'm Broken
     Strength/ I Feel Things Are Crashing Around Me
     More/ I Know There's Something Better
     Home/ I Have a Future

If you need to be encouraged in the Lord and wish to learn and study more about the promises of God, you need to check the study guide and DVD set out from the FCF Library and go through the study yourself.  You will be blessed.

A Breathe of Fresh Air

Micah sends me a text message yesterday about mid-morning telling me that Dillon's help is needed.  Micah is out in Cornville painting a house on a beautiful ranch.  He's been staying in a little cottage on the property during the week and coming home on the weekends.  Dillon had gone the week before to help Micah but instead has befriended an older man named Jose who takes care of the ranch.  Jose had requested Dillon's help in slaughtering a goat.  So I ran all of my errands then headed to where Micah has been working this week around 3:00 p.m.  The kids and I packed up things for the night so we could take Dillon down there and spend the night.

I was happy to go see Micah and spend some time with him and I thought the kids would enjoy exploring this ranch that Dillon had checked out with his new friend Jose.  The view all around us was simply breath taking.  We hadn't been there long when Micah ended his day and headed to the cottage where were at waiting for him. 

I brought some chicken to cook out on the grill and then Jose gathered up fresh picked squash, corn, cucumbers and cantaloupe.  We gathered up some chairs and sat outside under a huge beautiful tree to visit with each other.  It was Micah and the kids and I and Jose and another friend of Micah's that was out working there too...I think his name was Salomon.   We enjoyed sitting outside talking while the food was cooking.  Dillon had taken Kyle and Sara out on a four wheeler around the 200 acre ranch.  Then the kids came back and said they were excited and wanted to go play in the creek, so they did.

It started to rain a little while the chicken was out on the grill.  We all headed for cover in the garage until it slowed down and then stopped.  The food was so good!  Kyle made a comment about how good the fresh veggies tasted.  Our dogs enjoyed running around and exploring since that is not there normal thing to do since we don't have a yard for them to run around in.  Cassie found a bone bigger than her head but that didn't stop her from carrying it around in her mouth trying to find a place to hide it.  Scrappy our toothless dog enjoyed licking corn on the cob that was thrown out in the yard after people ate all the corn off (what a corny dog)

It started to get dark, our tummies were full and now we were ready to sit and relax.  Micah and I took our chairs back outside to sit and watch the sky.  God's T.V.  He put on an awesome lightening show.  It was so nice to sit there and take it all in, the air was cool and the sky was beautiful, I was next to my husband...life was good.  Well it was good but.......the boys were so much into watching God's T.V. they were making noises and messing around in the background and Sara couldn't help but sing to herself over and over.  So much for the quite.  I guess you can't take the noise out of the kids when you place them somewhere quite and serene.

The kids were not into sitting still and enjoying the view around them.  At some moments they couldn't figure out what to do.  It made me stop and think about how busy and entertained they keep themselves.  They don't know how to relax and explore.  Maybe Mich and I should start "finding" ourselves in more quite and beautiful places more often and help the kids slow down and enjoy the moment around them. 

It started to rain again, hard now and very dark so we headed in for the night.  I breathed in the fresh air and sighed with a deep feeling of peace in my heart and headed in get settled in for a good nights sleep.  Well...between the stressed out dog Cassie that doesn't like being away from home walking, and sniffing around the bed not sure where to lay down and sleep, the feeling of bugs crawling all over me, Cassie waking Micah up and wanting to go out often, Dillon talking in his sleep and banging his head on the wall, the need to get up and pee, Kyle coughing it wasn't quite the peaceful, restful sleep I wanted but I still got some rest despite it all.

We finally crawled out of bed to get our day started.  Micah left up the road for work and we head up the road back to Flag.

I had my camera with me and didn't  miss out on the opportunity to take some pictures of the view around me.

I totally caught the lightening by accident.  I love it!   I sat for a few minutes and Micah even tried but we just couldn't get the lightening show captured.  It was an awesome show.  Thank you Lord