Monday Oct 5th 2015

No one knows how each day will turn out.  I posted on my web page with Thirty One with energy and motivation and a bounce in my step.

I didn't expect to be driving to El Paso TX to say good-bye to my daddy.

I didn't expect to hear his voice so faint, scratchy with moans and groan coming from his lips with a word in the mix of it was "help".  He didn't understand it was me on the phone, he was so confused.

At that point an alarm of fear and concern went off inside of me.  I called my mom at work and then shortly after I found myself telling Jane I had to leave for El Paso.

I went home and talked with Micah--I felt a rush of emotion inside that sent me running around crazy trying to focus on gathering things I needed to pack to get on the road.  I grabbed here and there and shoved in my bag.

I called Scott to tell him what was going on so he could help take care of the kids.  Feeling thankful that the kids were not small and that Karlee was 18.  I left, Micah and I headed down the road.  Only Karlee knew where we were heading at that moment, seeing us off, ready to step into my place for her sister and brother.

I didn't say good-bye to Sara or Kyle.  It was so hard to leave the way I did but there was such an urgent feeling that put us out on the road quickly.  Micah and I borrowed one of Jane's vehicles, so thankful to her.

So thankful Micah was going with me.  As we headed down the road at some point into our journey through my teary eyes and shock feeling I looked ahead in front of us and in the distance for a long while down the road I gazed at the sky....a rainbow appeared in the sky...as simple reminder that God was there to bring with me to bring peace, comfort and strength.
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Darkness ahead of us on the long road to El Paso and the phone calls started coming in and a heavy a heart of sadness engulfed me.

Calls from doctor, then to my mom and brother--decisions being made while traveling. Hard decisions, lots of tears.Hurrying to the hospital...
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Daddy laying in a hospital bed connected hear and there, agitated.  I know he could hear me and I knew he knew I was there.  A nurse asked me what my name was-I told her and she said "Oh it was you he was calling out for-saying your name over and over."

Before leaving the hospital I told the doctor to have a DNR in place for the night, but prayed that Jason, my brother would make it in to town soon and that God wouldn't take Daddy quite yet.