To be strong is to Let go

It was a cold snowy day today.  I was ready to come home, cuddle up under a soft blanket and relax with a book.

Since I've been home this evening I have cuddled up under a blanket and I did read some but relaxed no....my heart is heavy right now.  My emotions are all over the place from being pleasing to unpleasing with my thoughts too.

I have been strong lately in getting back into the groove of my normal life since I have been home from El Paso after my dad died.  (that was hard to type and hard to look at on the screen)  But I have been getting back into the swing of things especially since I feel better and not sick anymore and beside life has a funny way of just going along and you get on when you find a place to ride and you then you just hang on and go.

Today I called my brother to get some information from him and the call ended up with me hanging up on him.  He had become impossible to talk to and the way he was coming across was wrong and I had had enough.  I hated the way we got off of the phone. I was shaking inside and out from the rush of emotions that washed over me.

My mom and I have really been in contact more than before, almost daily now around lunch time, to talk of the progress she has made with all the things she has been having to take care of from my dad.  Its added to our closeness in some ways. But at the same time its been wearing on our emotions with all that we are having to deal with from my brother.

Why does it seem that when the going gets really tough then you see how many bail out as fast as they can but along with them is a trail of drama, stress and hurt.  Sort of like the taz mania devil whirls through and left behind is destruction or in this case emotional destruction.

I think I'd rather have my house destroyed than my emotions and heart.

I keep having to be strong when I can't and I know that the only way I can be strong is to let go and lean on God.
He is my strength in all this.  He is helping me to be strong when I find it hard.

So thankful that He has taken me down other trials and journeys so that I know I can let go to be strong.  I don't have to do it all on my own.