Do you ever reflect back in order to look forward?

I find myself in a reflective mood tonight.  I’m tired, my neck hurts, and have a headache.  I don’t feel like reading, or doing much of anything that takes energy or a lot of focusing.  So I get out my Zune and plug my ears with the ear buds  and begin listening to music.  I haven’t sat around doing nothing and listening to music in a long time.  I don’t get depressed and have an empty bottle of wine next to me and I don’t block out the world and tuck my kids in bed first so they don’t see me cry myself to sleep.  Yes, I agree that is not a pretty picture that I painted there but it was once a reality in the reflection back.

The girls are in bed, Dillon is playing video games, Kyle is reading and Micah is on the computer so no one needs my attention.  I don’t  need to do anything.  So I will  just listen to music.  I love music, all sorts but I do find myself 99.9% of the time listening to just Christian music.  It’s so uplifting and helps me focus on God and His grace. There are times I listen to other things.  Like I said I love music but it seems to be a trigger for me.  A trigger that can put me in the past.  It can be good or not so good memories of moments in time.  It didn’t take too long for me to start picking song after song to listen to put me right back in those lost moments of time.

I used to get down and out when I would get in this mood but  I don’t  get that way anymore.  I think looking back at times helps me to move forward.  It shows me where I’ve been.  It reminds me of my selfishness and of the times of doing things my way, on my own.   Looking back is to look forward and it’s almost like a meter or graph ( a time line) that I can trace on and see the lessons learned.  When I look back and reflect now I know that healing has taken place.  I don’t have all those deep, painful emotions tied to the reflections anymore so I can now gaze into them and then look forward with a sigh of comfort and peace as I continue with each step in this life that I live.

I know that I can look back to look forward because the Holy Spirit dwells inside of me.  It’s by God’s grace that I don’t get lost in those reflections.  It has everything to do with going to Him and giving it all up and trusting Him.  I will always see the blessing that came out the moment that lead me to fall on my knees crying out to Him. 

It’s like those sayings that say once you go _________ you’ll never go back _______________. ( any example of this has not come to my mind yet so I will let you think of them) 

But how about this one…..

Once you go to Christ you’ll never go back! Meaning that once you go to Him and turn your life over to Him and you’ve had a change of heart you’ll never go back to what you were before.  God is with me and he won’t let me go so far back to that moment in time to lose me.  I think he may take me back at times only to keep bringing me forward and to draw me closer to Him.