Need to think, do and explore

 I haven't done much today, its noon and I've finally showered and gotten dressed for the day.  I had been at home since last Friday after Sara and I had returned from my mom's house until yesterday.  Tuesday I was going to go to town to get out of the house and do a few errands but it snowed real bad and the roads were a mess.  It was nice to get out yesterday, Sara and I enjoyed lunch out together.  Today I'm finding myself restless again, the house is quite and I can't figure out what to do with myself or an excuse to use gas to drive into town today.  

I have done some yoga this morning, I enjoyed that.  I think I'm finally going to discover a few yoga shows on you tube that I will like.  I enjoyed a yogurt parfait for breakfast with my coffee. I wrote in my journal and read my devotional.  Now I'm stuck! Stuck in my thoughts trying to figure out what I want to do and look for in my next job. Kevin replied to my email, we have gone back and forth as he has been helping me with my resume.  He asked me what kind of job do I want.  That is a very hard question, I replied back to him but it was a bunch of babble so I'm sure it didn't help.

I find myself telling myself to enjoy the silence of being at home, tune in to myself as I explore yoga.  Sit and reflect on goals and habits that are good and that I'd like to add to my life. But instead I find myself struggling with lets go to town or what am I going to do for dinner!

I'm a little frustrated and want to just avoid and sit around not doing much but what will that do! It will put me in an unsatisfied funk and that is not a place I enjoy dwelling in for any length of time.

I'm back. I left for a couple of hours. In those hours I ate lunch and researched and watched some videos on you tube about different styles of yoga. I think I have decided to start doing some restorative yoga, it will be gentle and slow to try and then build my way up to another form of yoga for strength and other areas. I've also been fighting the idea of laying down and taking a nap.  I need to get the kitchen cleaned up so I can cook breakfast for dinner tonight.  

I have thought more about the suggestions from Kevin and plan on working on it more tomorrow.  I'm feeling a little more motivated and maybe a little encouraged to believe in myself again and what all I can do and have to offer a new employer.

I'm discovering that at times I need to step away and move my thoughts to something for a short time, or go have a quite moment to clear my head and possibly a moment to take a few deep breathes and maybe a few soft yoga movements to help regroup to be ready to continue what I was doing.  Its one thing to be able to do all that being home but how can I incorporate a few tiny moments like that when I start a new job and working all the time?

 Today I sit here at my table at home.  The house is quite. Sara is still sleeping, she doesn't have to go into work until 1:00 p.m. Ben and Susan are at work.  I was terminated with my job on Dec. 21st.  I sit here unemployed.  I don't like the feeling at all, its scary and nerve racking actually.  I did file for unemployment and I believe that will start on Monday.  I decided to look up my blog that I wrote on for so many years.  Last year in January on the 4th I said good-bye to all and turned it off from the world to view.  I have not written on it since that day.  I have missed it at times but not really either.  But for whatever reason I viewed it today and read my last post.  Apparently I needed to read my words from a year ago, they are what I needed today.  Its funny how that works, well not really, its a God thing!  So grateful that I don't try to do life without him. My fingers and hands hurt more when I write in my journal, I can't write as long as I'd like to at times.  I may start writing on my blog again so I can type out my thoughts.  I have found out that I have developed osteoarthritis in my knees and I'm sure in my hands as well.   I know I will continue to keep my written journal but maybe I will come back here at times.  

Its time to end and begin again

Here it is Jan. 4th, 4 days into the new year, I sit here at the table with my butterfly coffee cup beside me and the house is silent for the moment.  There is and has been a blanket of snow outside for weeks now, chill crisp air on this quite Saturday morning.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and have decided to end this blog.  I started my first blog in 2009 and then changed over to this format in 2010, so the timing of closing out 2019 and awakening to 2020 its been 10 years that I've blogged.  Its time to end and begin again.  Its time to put this blog in the past and keep moving forward in my personal journals.  I've kept a written journal off and on since I was twelve.  This blog has represented a huge chapter in my life and I feel it has served its purpose.  I've changed so much over the last ten years, I'm not the same person that started this blog.  I realize that this blog was my therapy, my way of dealing with all the crap in my life, a place to work things out and find the joy and blessings in it all at the same time.  My life has been blessed with this blog and I pray that someone out there was blessed by it at some point to, even it was just helping with the feeling of not feeling like you were the only one out there.

I do plan on printing out my blog one day just so that I can always have a copy of it, its been like a book in my life and when you find a good book you hang on to it.  I will sum up the last month or so before ending the blog.  I'm excited in my next season of life to see what the next chapter in my life will write.

I know my story is not over, I just won't share it like I have in the past.  I'm a stronger, more mature woman with grown and growing children, in a wonderful relationship with a man who loves all of me.  Its time to keep moving forward with a little less hardship in my life and a lot more smiles, laughter, joy and blessings in it.  I know things won't always be rosy and happy but I'm in a place in my life that I'm okay and I know I'm not alone.  I never do life without God in it, I will continue to look to him for strength, guidance, peace and comfort.

October 2019 into November

Sara, Ben and I headed to visit my Uncle in Fence Lake the second weekend in October.  It was a fun trip, a little R&R, some target shooting and good conversation.  Oh and a mean game of Uno!  I'm not sure Sara will ever play with Ben and I again ha hahahaha.

My little pumpkin :)

My girls they got together for their annual trip to snow bowl to aspen corner to take Fall pictures together, this year they added the pumpkin patch.

I love my girls so much! I love that they find time to spend together.

His post on instagram was cute: "I mean I guess she's alright"

Kyle my handsome son :) Hanging out with Ben and I. 

I finally went to see my oldest in action behind the bar. 

My little brother.  He sent me a picture of himself, he looks like our daddy as he is getting older.

I made a Halloween arrangement for Ben, he was happy.  Silly guy he is just as bad as a little kid.

I'm loving these fingerless gloves that I had gotten at a craft fair.  They are awesome!

My two oldest having fun at a Halloween party at Karlee's place.

My silly kids!  Kyle a banana :) hahahaha

I purposely picked this fuzzy and blurry picture....we started the first Saturday of November off by me going into Sara's room to discovery that Claire her hamster was not moving.  It was a very sad day.

The rest of the day had its ups and downs but Sunday was a new and brighter day with going on a scenic drive with Ben.  I love it when we go exploring....

Shopping, silly fun and dinner with the kids

October 9th 

I met up with Sara after work to go to Boot Barn to see if we could find her some jeans to wear with her boots.  We found a pair and we were set.  Karlee called while we were just heading out of town to head home.  She wanted to know we could meet up and see her and maybe meet up for dinner.  I quickly turned around and headed back to town. 

Well I couldn't be in town and take part of us to dinner so I called Kyle and asked if he wanted to meet up too.  The girls and I had to kill some time while we waited on Kyle to take a shower and meet up with us at Chilis.  The girls and I headed over to Target since it was close by to walk around.  Well the pictures tell it all........silly girls......

I think she makes a cute hotdog hehehehe :)

We finally all met up to enjoy dinner together.  It was a nice dinner.  It had been awhile that it had just been the kids and I only.  My heart was full, a very happy mama.

Ta Da! Sara all decked out with her new jeans and shirt.  She is ready for Fence Lake!

Pumpkin Patch, & Hitting Walls

The first weekend in October found Ben, Sara & I helping Ben's mom, Susan at the church with their Pumpkin Patch/Craft Fair.

My job was making popcorn.

Sara & Ben had the bouncy house.

He is such a handsome guy!

Pretty flowers out front of the church.

We had a fun Saturday.  After we were done we went out to eat before we headed home after a long day. Ben and I headed home.  Sara went over to her friends house to stay the night.

This is Sheila.  Sara's car.

Sunday was a day that Ben and I were just going to hang out at  home to relax and be lazy.

But Sara had something else in mind.

In the middle of the night Sara headed to the hospital with her friend and family.  A baby was on its way and everyone was going to be there.

Sara had been really tired prior to even going to her friend's house.  She hadn't been sleeping good for a few weeks and things were catching up to her, she had not yet been able to catch up on resting.  I should have told her no on going to hang out with her friend and made her go home and go to bed.

I'm in the bedroom putting away laundry.  I hear Ben on the phone, I stood by to see if I could figure out who he was on the phone with and soon I knew it was Sara.  He gets off and says put some shoes on we need to go to town, Sara hit a wall.  I almost started to freak out but I didn't, he said she was fine but shook up.   We get to the hospital, where she was at with her friend and friend's family.  We couldn't get into the parking garage where she was at in Ben's truck with the water tank on it.  We parked and walked up to find her sitting in the car with the hood up on the car.

She had gotten back with drinks from Dutch Bros and she had friend of the family in the car with her and upon returning and getting ready to park, she hit the gas instead of the break and hit the wall in the parking garage.  The drinks flew and spilled all over the place.

The bumper on that car is quite strong.  It looked good, in fact we weren't even sure she really hit the wall, but there was damage done to the radiator.  Ben drove the car out of the parking garage into the parking lot at the hospital.  Then we got in Ben's truck to go rent a trailer so that we could haul her car home so he could look at it and fix it.

It wasn't really  how I wanted to spend our Sunday, but I am very thankful that she was alright and that it was not worse.  She ended up being sore on her side and back from being buckled and jerked hard in the car when she hit the wall, but she was alright.

What a weekend!

Karlee's 22nd B-day

My Karlee girl 22 years old! 

We all met up for dinner to celebrate Karlee's birthday.

Then some of us met up at where Karlee works for a few drinks.  Ben and  I enjoyed a few and had Sara drive us home.  It was a fun night!