Living in a peaceful balance

Recently my peaceful happy balance has been shaken up.  A couple of weeks ago I got a text from an old friend.  It caught me off guard.  She and I have a history of about 5 years, we had been close at one time but over time and different things that took place a distance developed between us more than just the physical distance of living apart.  But come to find out I guess the distance and change was only felt on my end of it.

Anyway she wanted to get together, the timing was off for me with lots going on the day she texted me.  We had a water leak, I took off from work and my mom and Larry passed through town for a few hours on her way to Prescott.  

She wanted to know if I would have a problem with her and my 2nd ex husband talking and spending time together.  I was surprised when I read the words and truthfully my first reaction was to laugh.  I laughed hard and loud.  My family was looking at me oddly and maybe others around us since we were sitting in a restaurant eating lunch together.  I then passed my phone over to Ben and then to Sara.  They had a look of surprise too.  I told my mom and Larry and they couldn't understand it, an neither could I.  We talked briefly but changed the subject to enjoy the rest of our time together before they left.

I replied back short and brief and said to go for it.  But later as the day went on things started to tumble around in my head and I began to feel bitter and angry and hurt.  She did try to suggest that we get together but I said that we will see and left it at that for a few days.

Curiosity always gets the best of us at times, and I'm no different than the next.  I tried hard to not to message him but I did.  It only lead me to feel hurt even more.  I had a feeling that he would share the message with her, in fact I think they were together because of the timing of the response.  Anyways she picked out a few words of what I had said to him and it upset her.  Now she really wanted to get together.

I ended up avoiding it all by not responding and I knew she had left town.  Then after taking time to think and clear my head.  I felt lead by the Lord to write her a message one morning before going to work.  Its been a week now and she has not responded.  I don't think I will get a response, I think its over, our friendship of what was left of it is over.  But how could either one of them expect me to "hang out" with them together.  

Even before he and her I didn't think she and I were very close anymore and their had really no effort.  Over time I always felt it was one sided, she would call and tell me all that was going on in her life and I would listen but she would never really ask me how I was or see if I needed to talk and vent and get things out.  Talking to her and all she was dealing with became too much for me, bringing me down with stress.  I know it sounds bad but my mental health and well being is important to me, I'm finally paying attention to my self care and feeling better too.  Having Fibromyalgia is so much more than just constant chromic pain.

Our friendship was the strongest and closest when it was meant to be but then over time we both changed and situations and time went on.  I'm grateful for her and I want the best for her and her children and I want them to have happiness, and peace in their lives.  

Its hard to let it go and not push a response or want to make it all better.  But at the same time I feel a release that has brought a lighter over all feeling of well being too.  I do struggle at times because I've always wanted to make sure others were happy but I can't do that.  I know in time with the Lord's help there will be a peaceful closure.

Family Outing to wrap up June

 Last weekend we wrapped up the month of June with going to the Rodeo.  (We missed Karlee she had to work)  It was fun, we all dressed up some decked out in our boots.  Kyle even went earlier during the day to buy himself some boots, a pair of jeans (wranglers) and a cool hat.  I haven't seen him dressed as a cowboy since he was little.  We all loaded up in Ben's truck and off we went.  It was a fun night.

Busy Busy June

Every weekend this month we have had something to do, and a couple of them included Kyle.  I've enjoyed him coming out and doing things with us. 

We went to the gun show to browse.

after that we went out to lunch at the Galaxy Diner.

The next weekend we went out shooting.

After a fun afternoon of shooting we drove to Williams for some Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Karlee and I met up for a beer one afternoon after I go off work.  Its crazy to think I have a daughter old enough to drink.  She likes some strange tasting beer lol.  It was fun.

Kyle's best friend's mom got married.  Ben and I went.  It was a very sweet simple wedding at their church.  Then the reception was out at their house.  Ben and I didn't know anyone really other than the bride, but we enjoyed ourselves.  Kyle and his friends sat with us, that was fun.  I enjoyed watching him interact with his friends.

I loved watching Kyle dance with an adorable little girl, that he has known since she was a baby.  That would be Matt's niece.  Watching him be so attentive, and gentle with her was such a proud mom moment.  She lead him around to go swing or dance, where ever she wanted to go as long as she had his attention she was going to have fun.

My son has really grown up and I'm very pleased.  He recently told me that once he turned 18 he knew he had to grow up and make things happen in his life.  He said he knew he had to work and that is what he set out to do.  He even said at one point he was worried about what he was going to do, he wasn't sure for a long time.  I'm proud of who he is and how he has taken care of himself.

I've recently started to go out on the back porch to enjoy the morning and some quite time.  I love sitting outside.  Ben joined me too for a bit, that put a smile on my face and in my heart.

Then comes a water leak in the bathroom!  That lead to having a quick visit with my little mommy!

I can't wait until she and Larry are closer here in AZ!

Last weekend we moved Kyle in temporally with us.  The one weekend we thought we didn't have much to do.  His landlord messed up on things and had to have them out quickly at the end of this month to move new people in starting next month in July.  I've enjoyed having my son under the same roof again.  I know its for only a short time but I'm going to enjoy every moment of it.

That brings us to today, Thursday, June 27th the month is almost over.  This weekend we will end the month with going to the rodeo.

Its been a busy month but I'm grateful and blessed.   Bring on July!  What will go on next month?

It's her turn

Yesterday I bought a car for Sara.  Child number 3, its her turn for the next step in growing up, getting out into the world and finding a job.  It was an adventure yesterday, we drove to Payson basically for nothing but lunch at Del Taco to come home back to Flagstaff to buy a car at the same little car lot that bought Kyle's truck from us.

A very happy Sara!

Brother and Sister bonding.....getting the music figured out.

Ben took this of us on our way home from Payson. (one of the overlooks at Lake Mary)

I'm done.  I'm done buying cars for the kids.  Now they had to figure it out from here on out after momma helped with their first one......

So glad I only had 3 kids.

I'm a happy and blessed mom.

A few random thoughts & moments

So over Memorial Weekend Sara went to a concert with Kyle in Tuba City.  I was a little concerned about the drive and all that knowing where they were going and on all and with it being a holiday weekend, but they returned safe and sound.

I love seeing my kids spend time with each other.  These two especially because it doesn't happen very often.  Kyle did a great job looking out for her and they had fun.

I liked what this photo said, there are times I have a moment of weakness filled with worry, concern and anxiety and this is a nice reminder of God having it all taken care of and planned out.

Wow! My boy has been out of high school for a year!  Time flies so fast!  I'm very proud of him on how he is handling real life!

Life has slowed down some with my kids being older and two of them living on their own.  Its hard at times to go with the flow of each day and not having to go in so many different directions.  With Sara at home doing online school, it has also helped things slow down.  I have less stress in my life and I'm happy.  My kids are happy and doing well.  I'm making the most of each day and enjoying every moment I get to be with my family.

Settling In

It's been 3 months  now since Sara and I have moved out to Parks and in with Ben and Susan.  It's taken some time to adjust but I think we are all settling in quite nicely.  I continue to clean out and organize here and there when I can.  There is more to do but in time it will get there.  

I'm happy and I think Sara is too.

I'm very thankful.

May 23rd a snowy day!

Winter just didn't want to let go this year!  The pictures below are from a few weeks ago, its crazy how the weather has become so unpredictable.  (Today it's June 4th and its almost 9:00 p.m., I'm getting caught up on the posts that I had started)

It's odd that no matter when it snows I really do enjoy looking at the white snow on the green pine trees.....even if its at the end May.