Struggling

Struggling with grace
struggling with my oldest daughter's attitude
struggling with a depressed, grumpy husband
struggling with a selfish step-son
struggling.......
It's a cold winter like day and despite it's beauty I'm struggling with finding the joy in things today but I won't give up.  I will keep looking up and asking God to show me the joy and beauty.  I will pray for strength, courage, wisdom and kindness of spirit to keep walking forward and loving the difficult in my life.  I do not choose harden of heart or bitterness.  I choose to walk in His way.  I can not do it by myself.  I give up my struggling and ask for the His presence to surround me with comfort and peace.
Thank you Lord for being there.

Time & perspective

It may sound silly but it makes sense to me.  I'm sitting here in my quite time thinking about different people I know in my life.  The two ladies above are really beautiful inside and out and have a glowing of the Holy Spirit around them.  Nicole (in the first pic) lives in Poland.  Jesse (pic above) lives in Kenya.

I got my phone and looked at the world clock and added both places to my list so I could see what time it is there.  It's morning here but late afternoon there in both places. (They are both here in Flagstaff for awhile before they head back). Knowing the time helped me put into perspective of where we are all at in this world and what we could be doing in that moment.  But it also has helped me feel linked to them to be able to pray more for them and their sweet families. 

I really enjoyed listening to them share how they make being a missionary part of their everyday life and not looking at it like a job.  They were inspiring and motivating.  

Lord I pray that you will place it on my heart to keep these two ladies and their families on my mind often and to help pray for each of them.  Also help me to take each moment and turn it towards you with the people I meet or the situations that are placed in my path.  In your wonderful name, Amen

Pondering the new year

The new year is in full swing with or without me.  The holidays were rough and looking back at what I wrote in my prayer journal I think you could say that I was depressed.  Since then I have gotten out of my depression to only find myself more in a pick up your feet and sigh real deeply keeping going mood now.  

The new year may not seem like it has started any different than the last year but there is a difference.  I know some may say not to look back in the past and just start a new day.  I think there is even a bible verse about something along the lines of not looking back too....but it's the looking back that will offer me strength, courage, and grace to go into the new year.  It's looking back at the joys and blessings of moments of happiness with my family.  Those moments will bring a smile to my face when I might find it hard to smile.  It's those reflections that will bring joy to my day and a little laughter when I need a pick me up. It's looking back on the hard, frustrating, tearful moments and thanking the Lord for them.  It's through them that my life has been changed and it's what helps me grow closer to the Lord.  

Thank you for last year.  Thank you for getting me through the holidays.  Thank you for taking my hand now and walking along with me into the new year.  I'm not alone.  I will have a year with you Lord in all that it will bring.  Thank you Lord.  I'm ready with you.....

Trust in God Alone

Psalm 62:1-2
As for me, my heart waits on God.
I know that my salvation comes from Him.
I may change my views about many things;
but as for my need for God and His Love,
that is one conviction
which shall never change.

Yesterday it was nice to see and visit with an old friend and her family.  She has a way of looking into things with a fresh insight.  She has been one of my faithful blog readers.  I was surprised for some reason that she told me how much she likes it.  I guess that is because when you feel down on life you don't see anything that could bring joy or encouragement to others.  I've always written to help me work through tings.  But the lessons and insight I have gained comes all from God.

The strength and courage that two other friends commented to me about seeing in me yesterday....also comes from God.

It's because of God that I can endure and wait for my hearts desire and keep my hope alive in Him.

Greatfulness

My day was full today.  It had a few bumps in it but all in all it was a good day.  God always has a way of showing me what I need to be grateful for despite whatever happened during the day.  I ran some errands.  I enjoyed a yummy lunch with my girls at Wildflower.  They are such beautiful girls, I'm so thankful for them and honored to be their mother.  I enjoyed some one on one time with my oldest at the mall too.  My van's brakes have been sounding so bad and have gotten worse that I've been worrying about how its going to last and how to have it fixed.  I was blessed about 5 years ago with a wonderful friend that the Lord had placed in my life.  She has become so much to me and my children.  I'm now borrowing one o their vehicles for a little while, until I can take care of my van.  I'm so grateful!  It's hard to ask for help at times but God always helps along the way.  He is such a good helper in my life, once again I am GRATEFUL!

Thank you Lord my day, I look forward to seeing your hand in my day tomorrow and the next...

The Season

I have never really had trouble with the holiday season, like some.  This year has been different.  It started a little before Thanksgiving and has gradually gotten worse.  There are days that I just want to get in my vehicle and drive to my mom and dad....to be around family.  I wanted to escape to my Uncle's over the kids winter break but that can't happen.  They have company in and out and also my van is not in the condition to really take out on the road.  I think the brakes need to be done badly.

I have been keeping busy for the most part with the kids and working for three different people.  At the end of November I had worked for Linda at the church while she went on vacation for two weeks. I really love working there in the church office.  Then there is Jane, who I help with the care of her parents.  And now there is Julie, I help with clerical stuff in her home office.

It gets the hardest when no one is home.  My kids are always over a friend's house.  Dillon since he has been back in the house hasn't really been around much.  He got out of jail last week on Friday. He had been in since the end of August.  Micah had been busy with his hunt and last Sunday on his last day to hunt got an elk!  He also is always at work.

There are so many times I get watery eyes after observing a couple that is happy, or has really stood by each other and show their love and support for one another.

It's hard to celebrate the holidays as a family when there doesn't seem to be a family that lives in these four walls that surround us.

I keep holding on and leaning on the Lord.  He gives me strength when I can't find any, and hope when I've lost it.  He is never wrong and He is in control of the bigger plan that I can't understand so I keep moving forward in His presence.

But as it has gotten closer to Christmas I'm really not happy.....
I'm trying to stay busy but my thoughts go to places that I don't have the answers for and all I can do is wait...

I wonder if Micah will go to Christmas Eve Service?
I wonder if we will all go together as a family?
I wonder if I have to strength and courage to go by myself if no one else goes?  And be able to focus only on my Heavenly Father?

I know the answer to the last few questions and it is that if its in God's will.....yes and yes!

This is the season to focus and get closer to the Lord.

Clear Thoughts

For the last several days, each morning I have started the day with fog.  Its strange how the weather can affect our moods at times.  My thoughts have been a bit foggy and lost with a little sadness mixed in.  But the fog always clears after about mid morning or so and behind the fog life continues to happen.

Each day God has cleared my thoughts.  He has helped me to see what the day brings and mixes in some smiles, and laughter.  I turn my foggy, lost, and sad thoughts over to Him and he lifts the fog from my heart and mind and I'm reassured that with the next step into the day he is there with me clearing my thoughts as I hold Him close by as my day continues.

I love how His presence feels surrounding me with comfort and hope.