I think I'm finally on the road of recovery, but at a very slow pace. Things have improved and seem to get a little better with each day. I still have some discomfort and pain. I still get tired easily and at times feel yucky but things are moving forward. I had a CT scan today and it does show things less swollen, the ureter is not as swelled up in size as before and the kidney isn't as puffy either. All that is good....it's good to be better...maybe not a 100% but better! In the whole scheme of things, I'm feeling better compared to a few months ago and I have been on this road since the middle of October so I'm thankful.
I am frustrated at times because this slow pace does interfere with my day in and day out of life. I get tired at times in the middle of the day and want a nap. I can't go to Karlee's volley ball tournaments yet until I can sit all day long. There are times sitting too long, or standing too long, or laying on my back or ride side becomes painful. I haven't been working since October, and I'm not sure to what capacity I can go back on but I need to get back in the grind to some point.
I'm asking God for help with figuring out what to do about working and how the conversation might go when I go in to talk to them at work. I continue to ask for my family to be patient with me while I continue to heal and to give me peace in knowing that God is working and things will be fine in time.
I'm so thankful for the many blessings that have come out of all this that has been going on. God continues to show me how he can work in my messy life :)
My plan for now, will be to continue to rest and take things easy but still be productive and functioning in life and letting God handle all the rest.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Trusting Him
Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
The last several months I have looked to that verse, trusting God in all this health stuff that I have been going through. There were times, I was so frustrated and discouraged that I kept asking why but no answer just a faint whisper of "trust me". I've come to realize more and more that there are trials and storms, situations....things that we go through that is not really completely for us and only our character building but for others around us. It's amazing to look back over the last few months and see how God was using my suffering in my loved ones lives. I'm almost to the end of this health journey, I think..... I will have to stent removed on Tuesday of next week. I look forward to getting back in my routine of work, kids and going to the gym.
God has been there for me with my health concerns, just as he has been and continues to be there for me with other areas of my life. My step son is in jail again....basically for violating his probation. I've been praying for his heart to give up to the Lord. Until whatever happens I know that God is right there in the middle of it all and no matter what there will be good found in the next step of consequence for Dillon.
God continues to be in the middle of my marriage. There have been baby steps towards each other. On the days I feel sad or discouraged I remember to trust in the Lord and look back in my journal and read how he has had a hand in my marriage over the past few months.
Trusting God is the best thing I think anyone could do. It is a battle at times living in this world and easy to fall into our own ways but its more rewarding and less stressful if we just remember to give it up and trust in our Lord God.
I'm so thankful that God is always there for me, all I have to do is fix my thoughts on Him!
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.
The last several months I have looked to that verse, trusting God in all this health stuff that I have been going through. There were times, I was so frustrated and discouraged that I kept asking why but no answer just a faint whisper of "trust me". I've come to realize more and more that there are trials and storms, situations....things that we go through that is not really completely for us and only our character building but for others around us. It's amazing to look back over the last few months and see how God was using my suffering in my loved ones lives. I'm almost to the end of this health journey, I think..... I will have to stent removed on Tuesday of next week. I look forward to getting back in my routine of work, kids and going to the gym.
God has been there for me with my health concerns, just as he has been and continues to be there for me with other areas of my life. My step son is in jail again....basically for violating his probation. I've been praying for his heart to give up to the Lord. Until whatever happens I know that God is right there in the middle of it all and no matter what there will be good found in the next step of consequence for Dillon.
God continues to be in the middle of my marriage. There have been baby steps towards each other. On the days I feel sad or discouraged I remember to trust in the Lord and look back in my journal and read how he has had a hand in my marriage over the past few months.
Trusting God is the best thing I think anyone could do. It is a battle at times living in this world and easy to fall into our own ways but its more rewarding and less stressful if we just remember to give it up and trust in our Lord God.
I'm so thankful that God is always there for me, all I have to do is fix my thoughts on Him!
Monday, January 6, 2014
New Year Back in Hospital
January 1st I found myself heading to the hospital with a fever and not feeling good. I didn't want to go back but I didn't like the way I was feeling and the pain was not pleasant.
While there they drained the fluid that they saw on the CT Scan. The used a needle and went through my back some how, I was heavily sedated so I don't remember anything. It turned out to be dried blood that they had to dilute to get out. Discovering that was not the source of the pain.
My white cells in my blood were high, so with that and the fever my body was saying an infection was going on. There was nothing huge, big and ugly shouting out saying here I am , its me, its me. (which is good)
With lots of fluids, antibiotics, and pain meds running through IVs I was making it through. The whole thing has been odd and not fit into a perfect cut and dry case.
The conclusion we think is that my body doesn't like the stent. The stent that was placed for ureter to stay open and heal. I know I was probably fighting off a few small infections but in the end the stent is not being liked by my body. It comes out on the 21st of this month. I think after it has been removed I feel so much better.
So I didn't leave on Saturday (1-4-14) feeling better but I left with a survival plan, medicines to get me through to the 21st.
Today as I write this post (1-6-14) I'm feeling not too bad. The pain is not as sharp, its dull and achy. I'm taking it easy still but I'm feeling better and able to function and do some things around the house.
While there they drained the fluid that they saw on the CT Scan. The used a needle and went through my back some how, I was heavily sedated so I don't remember anything. It turned out to be dried blood that they had to dilute to get out. Discovering that was not the source of the pain.
My white cells in my blood were high, so with that and the fever my body was saying an infection was going on. There was nothing huge, big and ugly shouting out saying here I am , its me, its me. (which is good)
With lots of fluids, antibiotics, and pain meds running through IVs I was making it through. The whole thing has been odd and not fit into a perfect cut and dry case.
The conclusion we think is that my body doesn't like the stent. The stent that was placed for ureter to stay open and heal. I know I was probably fighting off a few small infections but in the end the stent is not being liked by my body. It comes out on the 21st of this month. I think after it has been removed I feel so much better.
So I didn't leave on Saturday (1-4-14) feeling better but I left with a survival plan, medicines to get me through to the 21st.
Today as I write this post (1-6-14) I'm feeling not too bad. The pain is not as sharp, its dull and achy. I'm taking it easy still but I'm feeling better and able to function and do some things around the house.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
It's Still not Over
I can't believe that on October 15th when I had a hysterectomy that I would still be going through something from it! This has been one long process and it's not over yet. I thought that after this last surgery on December 16th to fix the damage from the surgery in October that I would be feeling better by now.
That is not the case. I now have a collection of fluid that has built up against my bladder where they had worked on during this last surgery. I have been in constant pain for a few days now. At first we thought it was from the stent that was placed there and will be there for a month. That is there to help the ureter to heal but it also causes pain, spasms, and discomfort.
There seems to be an infection going on right now that they are treating with medicine. I had a CT Scan yesterday and that is how we found the collection of fluid. They seem puzzled by it and not sure what to do about it and hope that it came about from an infection and will clear up soon on its own, in the meantime it causes pain and makes me miserable.
I've been resting often and laying down and sleeping. I don't feel like doing much else. My stomach isn't quite like it used to be so there are times I don't want to eat or I feel yucky after I eat. I'm tired all the time. I'm very frustrated about all this.
But I still hang on to knowing that God gives his people strength, and peace. I'm trusting God and I have hope.
That is not the case. I now have a collection of fluid that has built up against my bladder where they had worked on during this last surgery. I have been in constant pain for a few days now. At first we thought it was from the stent that was placed there and will be there for a month. That is there to help the ureter to heal but it also causes pain, spasms, and discomfort.
There seems to be an infection going on right now that they are treating with medicine. I had a CT Scan yesterday and that is how we found the collection of fluid. They seem puzzled by it and not sure what to do about it and hope that it came about from an infection and will clear up soon on its own, in the meantime it causes pain and makes me miserable.
I've been resting often and laying down and sleeping. I don't feel like doing much else. My stomach isn't quite like it used to be so there are times I don't want to eat or I feel yucky after I eat. I'm tired all the time. I'm very frustrated about all this.
But I still hang on to knowing that God gives his people strength, and peace. I'm trusting God and I have hope.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Being a Parent
Being a parent is not easy. It is the most rewarding task but its not easy. Being a parent is sometimes not being there friend and making them unhappy when you care about them so much.
For example my 16 year old daughter asks if she can go over to a friend of a friend of her friend Coral's house to watch movies. Well I don't know this person and I need details, so I start asking questions. The more I asked the more she wasn't happy. I wanted this kid's parent's phone number so I could verify that all this was alright and that there would be parents present. That is when she went off and said that she wouldn't go and that she would be one of those loser kids not going anywhere cool. All because I wanted to call the parents. She finally said that she didn't want to go maybe because she didn't want to be around her friend Coral. Seriously.......
I know this isn't finished. I know this kind of thing will come up again but I have to be the parent. I do what I do because I love her and care about her.
A 17 step-son who has a disconnect in his head and doesn't think things through to make better choices who has been sitting in jail since Friday and gets out tomorrow at 6:00 am because he wasn't where he said he would be when his PO came by to check on him.
A 16 year old daughter who so badly wants to come and go and drive but doesn't have a job yet to help pay for the insurance. Who compares herself to others and therefore is constantly disappointed because her friends and others around her have things given to them.
A 13 year old boy who is in between of growing up, learning who he is and still being a little guy at times. The stage that now it's too cool to hug or kiss me.....but does come around eventually :)
A 11 year old little girl who trys so hard to be like her older sister and wants so much to be a big kid....but she is my baby and I have to "sit on her" at times to get her to slow down and be a kid.
I know one thing is for sure I can't be a parent without God's help. He is what gets me through all of these moments and then some.
Being a parent isn't easy on your own but it can be done with God's help.
For example my 16 year old daughter asks if she can go over to a friend of a friend of her friend Coral's house to watch movies. Well I don't know this person and I need details, so I start asking questions. The more I asked the more she wasn't happy. I wanted this kid's parent's phone number so I could verify that all this was alright and that there would be parents present. That is when she went off and said that she wouldn't go and that she would be one of those loser kids not going anywhere cool. All because I wanted to call the parents. She finally said that she didn't want to go maybe because she didn't want to be around her friend Coral. Seriously.......
I know this isn't finished. I know this kind of thing will come up again but I have to be the parent. I do what I do because I love her and care about her.
A 17 step-son who has a disconnect in his head and doesn't think things through to make better choices who has been sitting in jail since Friday and gets out tomorrow at 6:00 am because he wasn't where he said he would be when his PO came by to check on him.
A 16 year old daughter who so badly wants to come and go and drive but doesn't have a job yet to help pay for the insurance. Who compares herself to others and therefore is constantly disappointed because her friends and others around her have things given to them.
A 13 year old boy who is in between of growing up, learning who he is and still being a little guy at times. The stage that now it's too cool to hug or kiss me.....but does come around eventually :)
A 11 year old little girl who trys so hard to be like her older sister and wants so much to be a big kid....but she is my baby and I have to "sit on her" at times to get her to slow down and be a kid.
I know one thing is for sure I can't be a parent without God's help. He is what gets me through all of these moments and then some.
Being a parent isn't easy on your own but it can be done with God's help.
My Childhood Christmas Memories
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| My Papa and I |
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| I loved that yellow little rocker |
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| back in the day when tinsel was the thing to put on your tree. I remember it sticky to my fingers, hard to get off onto to the tree. |
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| My weeble wobbles! I loved them |
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| My little brother Jason |
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| My projector :) |
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| My brother & I (Jason) |
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| My Dad |
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| My two grandmothers (Grandmother & Nana) |
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| I loved that doll house...the elevator was the best |
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| My mom (I really hope my brother isn't picking his nose...) |
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| I played with that sticky playset for hours..... I'm not sure why I wanted to go down memory lane with you but I enjoyed it. I guess I can't help but think about how so many things have changed in this world since I was little and then I look at my children. I had so many good times at Christmas time with my family. I can only hope that my children can say the same thing too. It seems like Christmas was easier to do when they were smaller. I love starring off into the glow of the Christmas lights on the tree. I wish the wonderful salt dough ornaments that my mother had made years ago were still around (they crumbled up as the years went by) Looking back Christmas was family even if God was only in the background instead of how he is at the center of my life now with my family. Christmas is Family. Christmas is Love Thank you Jesus for this precious gift. |
Sunday, December 15, 2013
One more time
Tomorrow I have to go in for surgery. I hope this will be the last time. I really want to be fixed up and go on with life. I'm not looking forward to it in a way because of starting over in feeling bad and healing and being in the hospital.
I will let you know how it all works out in a few days, until then take care.
I will let you know how it all works out in a few days, until then take care.
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