Giving up to The Lord

How do I live in a house without peace? I seek it but no one else does. It doesn't matter what I do I'm lost in Micah's eyes he doesn't even try to find me and what we could be. He and Dillon are more alike than it seems at times. I can't keep turning the other way. It's hard and is impossible and it hurts emotional so much. I want to run far and fast away but then again I want to end up encircled in loving supportive arms and feel the strength and know without a doubt that everything will be alright.

I know I desire it with my husband and do not have and feeling hopeless to ever have.

But I do have it. I have it all with my Heavenly Father. Will He allow me to have something close to it with the man I married?

A Day

The day started off sweetly with smiles hugs and laughter. The middle of the day my thoughts were filled with how could l please him when he got home. Thinking of enjoying a sweet loving moment to only end in tears and anger. How quickly the day can change.....making it hard to pick up from and change the ending into another tender moment. This day will end in darkness and silence as we avoid everything about each other. We will lay side by side back to back eyes closed tightly in slumber until the new day starts. What will tomorrow bring?

A new start with my Lord walking along with me....

Kids & Summer

I'm not really enjoying the summer so far with teenagers!  Teenagers need to be kept busy but its not my job to entertain them like they were little.  I give tons of ideas to only be shot down so why do I bother.  Lord help them to be more helpful and thoughtful of others.  Help them to have a serving heart, to help in the kitchen, cook dinner, do extra things without being asked.......

I truly have made one mistake!  I've done too much for them and I've made things too easy for them!  Really its true, you won't find me saying that too often but I see it now!

Lord give me the strength to follow through with the boundries and rules that I want to be consistent in and to remind them that they can do this and that on their own.....I don't have to tell them what there is to eat in the fridge or pantry.  I don't have to make them a sandwich, when I'm busy doing something else.  I don't have to.......

Can you tell I'm tired and frustrated and frazzled?  I love my children.  I just need to keep praying for them as you work in their lives Lord.

I love you Lord, and I know you will help me with the kids & summer.......so very grateful and comforted by remembering that....

My Drifting Thoughts

I sit here in the church office this afternoon.  In the background is the sound of guitar, drums and a couple of voices practicing worship music for Sunday.  I enjoy music, it is one way I worship the Lord.  I love it when the right song is played just when I need it at that moment. It is also one way that He can communicate to me.  Music has always had a way to tug at my heart, bring a tear forward, a thought to ponder, a chance to say I'm sorry, please forgive me, or a thankful smile of joy.  Music can be so uplifting when you need it to be and then at other times it can be the perfect moment of healing.  I'm thankful for all the wonderful voices and talented people we have here at church.

Shadows of cars go by on the wall behind the computer screen.  People going here and there, busy on this Friday afternoon.  The beautiful green leaves and colorful flowers out front are dancing around as the wind blows them to and fro.  I wonder what thoughts are floating around out there in the world as people drive to their destinations.....I pray that they know the Lord or will be lead to the Lord by someone in their life.

My thoughts wander off to "what are the kids doing at home, have they done their chores, have they walked the dog?"  What will I cook for dinner tonight?  I've cooked all week, maybe we can just do left overs tonight.

I'm really enjoying the rhythnm of the blowing trees in the background, with musically chirping birds sharing their song, as I sit here in front of the computer, in the church offiice......

A beautiful day

Last Sunday the girls and I enjoyed a beautiful afternoon in Prescot.  A very dear person close to Karlee's heart was married.  Not sure what this weekend will bring but whatever it does, their will be joys and blessings in it all.

OH I see now.....

I had my first physical therapy session today.  It was an evaulation and oh my gosh did I learn a bunch!  I'm excited about what I learn and now I can understand a few things better and I have hope in some good changes and things to come from it.

The main thing that got me in the door for physical therapy was the pain and discomfort in my lower back/right flank area.  My goal is not that have that going on anymore but in the process disovered another area that needs work and has to do with the problem area in my back.

My back is trying to do more than it needs to do because other areas are pitching in and doing their job.  My stomach, my incision area inside has built up lots of scar tissue.  The muscles then get pulled down and cause strain in other areas.  My right side of my pelvis has rotated too far forward which would cause a constant irritation in my back because its trying to do all the work.  Basically my stomach muscles have forgotten what their role is and once we reprogram them and re-teach them then the back pain will go away and I won't look prego! Yep I said it!  After things start going back in place where they belong I my body will appear alittle different especially in the tummy area!  I'm all for that!  I know that won't solve it all and nor will I have a completly flat stomach but......it will look as if I lost some and that right there is enough for me and can help rev up the motiation and hope in losing weight and feeling better and won't get that look of are you preganant or not!

My stomach muscles are shot and my back is over compensatating for it and so we have to start with my stomach area first in order to do the other things that will help my back and rotate my pelivs back inline.
I have things I need to stay on tope of at home and do in between physcial therarpy sessions, so it depends on me and I think I'm up for it and ready to look a little better but mostly feel better and not have the constant nagging pain!

Heavenly Father Help

Being a parent is not easy.  Right now I'm struggling with raising teenagers.  How did my mom and dad ever get through that phase in their life.  I don't remember being really out of hand, diffiuclt at times and very emotional but not rebelious with a yucky negative attitude. Either way we all have our moments and there are always people around us not enjoying those moments that we find ourselves in with our loved ones....our kids.

Lord I need your guidence, your wisdom, your words, your courage and strength in raising my children.  I want them to follow you and seek your guidence.  I want to be an example for them so they can do that.  Please help me with my next several steps forward today....and the next.

Thank you Lord for your joys and blessings that help keep the hope shining bright and my faith growing in you.