This morning I woke up at 2:00 a.m. and could not go back to sleep, well I tried and then around 3:00 a.m. Ben nudged me so that would stop snoring. I was on my back asleep. I'm a side sleeper and my hips have started to bother me again. They hurt so bad to lay on them that's why I couldn't really go back to sleep. Since he has to work and I'm unemployed again and don't need to get a ton of sleep, I got up and went to lay on the couch in the living room so that he could go back to sleep and be rested for work.
I found myself emotional this morning and trying not to lead on to anyone that I was but I think they knew. As soon as they walked out of the house and barely out of the driveway I gave way to the tears that had welled up in my eyes. I let them lose for just a moment and then I stopped and just sat there staring out into space for a bit.
As much as I enjoy being at home I don't do well with unemployment, I get lonely and bored. I'm a social butterfly, I like to go go! I do enjoy my down time but I'm a people person. I spent most of 2021 unemployed and it was hard. I was barely able to pay all my bills, only because at that time with Covid stuff going on there was an extra 300 bucks for awhile! That is not there this time! I will not have enough to pay all of my bills!!
Ben is already stressed out with helping Sara out at times and then you add me now and its a ton. He has even talked about getting a second job to work at night after he gets off of work all day working on big trucks! I don't want him to do that!
I've already updated my resume and applied to three jobs so far and just today applied for unemployment. Waiting to see what the next step will be and how long will it take before I'm back on my feel again.
One thing that keeps me sane and going and occupied is painting and figuring out how I can share it with others so that others can have some of my paintings in their homes to enjoy.
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