Struggle but don't Stress

I wrote this last week before going to work.
Jan. 22, 2019 at 7:45 a.m.

Its windy and cold outside.  The weather channel app on my phone says it will be cold but plenty of sunshine.  Maybe later but for now its cold with whirling wind outside my porch window.  I've been sitting here waiting for it turn 8:00 a.m. so I can make a phone call about Kyle's care payment.

As I've been sitting here I've realized how much of these past couple of years has been full of worry, anxiety and things out of my control.  I've flipped through the pages of this notebook and over the past year I've written down how much money I have at pay day, where else money is coming from and a plan on how to pay for all my bills. Pages full of worry and concern on how to pay my bills and feed my family.  So much anxiety! So much time spent planning, worry and then each time things worked out-bills were paid and food on the table.

Yes I might have a little debt in the process but everything has and is still being taken care of despite the ache, worry, concern, stress, anxiety and fear.  I've been taken care of, provided for and guided.  God has done it!  Its been through Him! How do people really live in this world without leaning on Him?  He has placed the right people, situations, in place in all of it!  There is no other answer! 

I want so badly to let go of all the stress, worry and fear that I put in my life on a daily basis to stop!  To be able to rest and live with peace and comfort.  Its a struggle for me.  Anxiety, fear and worry does nothing but hurt me physically, emotionally and spiritually.  My stomach hurts, my body aches. Lord help me to stop this cycle of hurting myself and sin-I've been told its sin because they say that is when we are not trusting and believing in you, Lord and letting you help.

I do know that I'm trying to release all the negative, hurting emotions and things in my life that I can't control and give them to you.  I struggle.  But in the struggle you are there and I do learn and see things through your eyes that do calm, comfort and bring peace to my heart.