Ugh Why Did I Go!?

I don't think I should have gone to that wedding last night!  Okay so maybe that isn't right but it did get some tough feelings moving again and it got to me more than I thought.  I noticed it this morning and as the day has gone I have struggled to find a smile and fight back tears.  It irritates me!  Its not like we had a great thing!  So what is it? I don't know.....

So I went to work this morning, and my mind was wondering and my heart was a little sensitive but I fought it and listened to uplifting music.  I'm at the office this week by myself, Gene is on vacation.  About 9:25 am Scott calls me, upset that Kyle isn't up and out of bed yet.  They were meeting at the doctors office, Kyle's leg hasn't been good after he hurt it in football recently.  Scott has never had patience.  Then he called again and said he couldn't find the place.  I told him, I sent him the address and everything and he still couldn't figure it out.  I was beside myself at this point, I hate how he pushes my buttons.  Every since he quite his job he seems like he has been drinking too much, he can't talk well, he can't walk well, he can't seem to function well!  It was a good thing I was in the office by myself, I ended up yelling at Scott on the phone. Not good I know.

With all that frustration at him my emotions were overflowing and needed to come out.  I went in the back room of the office and sat down in the dark for a moment.  I was so angry and then it lead to a little crying and calling out to the Lord asking for his help.  I gathered myself and went to get busy with work, praying that I didn't have any unhappy clients coming in to complain....I was really working at keeping it together and smiling when I had to.

I couldn't help it my mind drifted in and out of work to Micah and I.  I couldn't help but start thinking about this coming weekend.  I had to ask him if he was going to the Celtic Festival, and he was with his brother Wyatt and Wyatt's girlfriend Jana.  It was a day we looked forward to go together too.  My emotions kept spiraling and I kept pulling them back together.

Its really ridiculous I think, I'm a fool and I need to stop!  Oh did I mention that I started my morning off filling out the blanks on the divorce papers that I printed up from online?  Maybe that is what did it.

Anyways on and off all day long I struggled throughout the day until I could leave and go home.

I have just decided to sum it up to a funk for the day and look forward to tomorrow being a new day.

I did come home and do some studying, fed my orchids (I'm really trying to nurse them back to blooming) chatted with an old friend from high school on messenger, did a load of laundry, and made dinner.  I think its time to go make some chamomile tea and call it a night soon.  I need a new day to begin again.