Oddly enough of all the things that I have going on in my life the one thing that is bothering me the most and bringing out the bitterness and resentment that I felt years ago is my ex-husband again! I'm frustrated because I don't want to go through these feelings again, its exhausting!
On a daily basis I have several relationships in my life that I have to ask God to help me keep the peace and to be loving and serving to them. But this one seems to be sort of consuming my thoughts the most lately.
I think it's because I've slipped into the prideful mode of "look what all I have done for our kids and look at what you don't do" It's not like that is going to get me anywhere except irritable which affects not only my mind and heart but with having Fibro...my body too. :(
Philippians 2:2
Live in harmony by showing love for each other. Be united in what you think, as if you were only one person.
After reading that my thoughts are "Scott and I are the ones that jointly brought our children into this world and that we may not be a family under the same roof but we need to be and have to be a united front with our children's best interest and love for them together strongly united despite it all"
I disagree so much with how he is living his life and how it affects his children and I. I can't change him, that is one thing I tried when we were married.
It pleases God when we willingly promote harmony and peach. Consider being the one who chooses not to take offense at the carelessly spoken remark, or being the first one to point out those things the two of you agree on and the value of your relationship. Imagine the outcome if you were always to care more about the other person than about winning. Strive for peace, and see how all your relationships strengthen, deepen and endure. (taken from a devotional I have)
I have stuck up and spoke good on his behave many times especially with my mother. I have for years prayed for her bitterness to go away and would get frustrated when she would talk negative about him. But look now I'm letting her bitterness reignite and start to feed mine now. ugh!
All this has started with me and my mom coming up with money to take care of all the school needs, clothing, phones, shoes, etc and whatever they need, while I feel he only tries a tiny bit and only does bare minimum while he has money to smoke and drink beer!
There it is the resentment!
Okay I need some help to get right again with this in my heart and plesasing to the Lord. I ask for prayer please. I have to stop complaining to my kids about their father, it is not the thing I need to be doing. Lord help me....
Heavenly Father, put in me a peaceful heart, and teach me to choose my words carefully when I am in difficult situations. Amen
Help me find my heart of peace again Lord.
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