Proud and Happy Moments This Week

Okay I can't help it be brag some and be a proud momma for the picture above with Kyle.  So cool!

I love my son so much it hurts sometime.....that sounds odd I know but I have such a different relationship with my son than the girls....almost fragile like.  Mother and Son relationship is so different than daughters and mothers at least for me.  All I know is that I love my son and I'm proud of him and I can't wait to see how the rest of his last year of high school goes!

The picture below was from last year sometime of Karlee and I.  I really like it especially in B&W.

She turned 20 years old on Monday!  Twenty!!!

I'm proud of the beautiful young woman she is growing up to be.

Austin & Karlee

Don't they make a sweet couple

Karlee, Sara, Kyle, Austin and I all went out to dinner for Karlee's birthday.  We shared laughs and smiles and enjoyed yummy food.  It was a wonderful family evening!

I always have fun with gift giving especially with the kids.  I do what I can when I can and how I can.  One year Kyle got a jar of bread and butter pickles.

I pay attention the little things and make them big.

Besides she is a starving college student......I still have to feed her at times lol

This week so far

Fall is here!  Chilly here in Flagstaff AZ

Oldest child is 20!

Youngest child wants to try going gluten free!

Middle child focused on football!

Friends from past are really reconnecting!

Yep and its only Tuesday afternoon.....the week isn't even close to being over.

In a few minutes I'm heading out the door to go watch Sara's volleyball game.

I do plan on spending a little more time here on my blog real soon.  Just need to slow down some and find some quite time.  For now just those quick little bursts of updates.

Moment of Change

I can't help but sit here and look out my window and think of change.  The wind is blowing today and there is a chill in the air.  Its sunny but as I look at the leaves blowing on the trees the color is almost a deep golden yellow.  Well it is mid-September so the season is starting to change, the nights are chilly too.

I should be at work, its almost noon here on Friday at the end of the week and the beginning of the weekend but the system at work is down and so my boss said not to come in until its back up, and that was around 8:30 this morning.

As I stare out my window I can't help but feel a warm feeling wash over me, sort of a cozy peaceful feeling.  Its a nice feeling.  It seems the best word to use is a feeling of transition or change.  Change is always around us, the season is changing for one and that will bring change in our lives with what we wear, drink hot drinks and our out door activities.

Change in life can be a hard thing to deal with but maybe if we break it down into moments and deal with what with change in that moment and then move into the next and the next.  It doesn't have to be a bad thing either.

Change can also help someone one, or bring cheer to their life or offer them a different way to look at something too or even rekindle a good feeling too.  For example with Ben.  Ben and I have been getting to know each other these last couple of months.  Learning about each other has been easy to this point but there have been a couple tiny downs too.  Its not a big deal to me because that comes with getting to know someone new, so its all good.

Its Ben's birthday today.  He has been saying lately how its just another day and its no big deal.  I'm okay with that but I still see it as a chance to do something to show how I care and celebrate that person just a little bit.  He is on vacation and has been busy doing things around his yard outside in Parks.  He told me a bit ago that he may not be in town tonight to come over until much later into the evening than usual because he wants to get things done while he is motivated to do it.  I totally understand that and I said to him teasing that it was alright the would just have to eat his giant birthday cookie later.

When he responded back to me (we were talking on the phone), the connection was bad and he had been busy doing things and he was frustrated after talking with a friend that his response did come off a little rude and rough.  He went on about he never celebrates it and that on this day he is never in a good mood.  He quickly got off of the phone because the connect was worse and so we said bye and hung up.

I sent him a text message telling him that I would tone it down some and I wouldn't say or sing happy birthday to him and that the little gift I got him was a practical one and he'd probably laugh when he saw it.  Then he texted back apologizing for sounding rude and coming off not very nicely and said that he was making it a bigger deal than it should be.  He also said that he knows that I like to celebrate.  I responded back and told him it was okay.  He replied back saying that he felt bad.  I told him really it was fine and that we are still learning each other but at the the time I wasn't gong to change who I was and how I like to do things for other that I care about but that I'd find a happy medium.  Lastly he said that we can celebrate his birthday and that he actually thinks it great and that I actually care.  Well big dummy of course I care, I didn't say that to him.  I replied back saying okay and see you later.

I'd say that was a change for Ben, a shock to his system about someone wanting to take the time to show that they care for him on his birthday.  He hasn't said too much about his past with his ex but I get the idea that he was emotionally hurt too.  Change can be shocking but then it can be a good thing that will bring a smile to your face and feeling of joy.

And really his gifts are two water bottles that are suppose to keep your water really cold, he drinks a lot of water but uses regular water bottles that after awhile the water gets hot and the ice melts.  And also a roll of duck tape, yes duck tape!  I know it sounds odd but its just a little thing I picked up on.  He will laugh when he sees it and its in his favorite color, black.  Laughing about it is the point.  I pay attention to the little things that people say because I hope to use them to put a smile on their face or a laugh in their voice.  He told me once that you can never have too much duck tape, and the uses for it are unlimited and the guys at work are always taking his soooooo.....now do you get it!?

Ben has brought change into my life in a number of ways, by how he makes me smile and laugh, I could go on but my point is that change is always going on in our lives, some good and some shocking and some not so good but in the end change keeps us moving forward.

Looking out the window again.....now I wonder what this Fall will bring and then there will be Winter, will we have a ton of snow or not?

Held Together

Did you know that it isn't our job to hold our lives together? Its our responsibility to submit our to-do list to God, bow to his will and let him hold it together.  He is the rope that holds us fast.

Lord, thank you that you are the glue that keeps me together.  Today I face the impossible list of my responsibilities, called daily life and all that comes with it.  (like staying up late tonight to go pick Sara up from the school after an away volleyball game) I submit to your will and ask you to hold everything in place.

Colossians 1:17 NIV
He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

My devotional this morning got me to thinking about all this so I thought I'd share my thoughts.  Its amazing and great to know this truth but it means that we need to let it go and give it God, not just partial but all of it.  Not only am I going to continue to live in the moment and not bring in worries or concerns from the future I'm going to be intentional of giving it to Him and trusting him in all that I have to do on a daily basis.

It's only Tuesday.....but with Him at my side I can make it to Friday with a smile on face and a song in my heart.

Thankfulness Conquers

Being thankful I think is the key so many things in our lives.  I think being thankful helps conquer against Satan when he tries to wiggle his way into your thoughts.

This weekend I went and visited a friend who has helped bring me out of my shell so to speak, but she had been pushing me and others away and is in a negative place right  now.  I went to visit her and I'm so glad I did.  We talked and shared with each other, I think it helped both of us.  I'm thankful for her and her friendship and I didn't want to it to drift away so I went to her instead of waiting for her to come to me.

This weekend also allowed time for Ben and I to talk.  Our relationship is still so new that we still are leaning how the other thinks, feels, what bothers or doesn't bother the other one.  I didn't think it was that hard to get to know someone, in fact I remember is being easier than it is now, maybe because of being younger and having a different attitude on live and not so many negative things taken place yet in my life.  Now its a little harder to get to know someone, with walls or guards up because of how life has treated us over the years and the experiences we have lived through.

This weekend I conquered Satan from trying to bring in past hurts and thoughts from others and past relationships into this new relationship that is developing.  I'm so thankful that I have the Lord in my life to guide me, my thoughts, and reactions as long as I trust and lean on him and let it go to him.  That is what I did and so thankful.  I love the Lord and how he works in my life.

Negative Little Seeds of Doubt

I can't believe it is already September.  School has been going since the 10th of August, the kids have been busy with their sports and life just keeps moving along.  Before we know it the season will have changed and it will be in the middle of Fall.  Time can move so fast, these days I'm really trying to take life moment by moment and not think too far ahead.  Its not easy to do that and here lately I've had a few moments where I've gotten bogged down and have let Satan in to play with my thoughts and emotions.  Not good, nope not at all!  Satan can be mean when he just plants one little tiny seed of doubt and BOOM there it goes into a thousand crazy little thoughts of negativity and doubts!

Today I feel like I've been able to finally push him away again.  I'm sort of upset with myself to have let him play with my thoughts but then again I'm only human and God made us to be complex when it comes to our thoughts and emotions so that we can seek Him out and allow Him to lead us where we need to be and grow more and be close to Him.  So really at times, and oddly enough Satan sort of helps in that sense but thats it!!

Anyways its really not important what set off these thoughts of doubt, rejections and insecurities what matters is how I let it seep into my life again and mess with my thoughts!  I'm weak and I need the Lord at all times and I'm thankful he is always there even when I don't seek Him out.  The last couple of days have shown me how much I always need the Lord in my life.  It also has shown my how easy it would be to fall backwards into that oddly comfortable pit that I've dug myself out of these last several months.  I don't want to get sucked back into that area of my life.

I've let the daily stresses of life bring me down again and I shouldn't when there is so much to be thankful for and to be happy with despite all else that goes around me.  I need to lean where my strength is and grab a hold it and keep moving forward.  Satan can take his little seeds of negativity and doubt and sit on them!!!

Deuteronomy 31:8
The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.

Happiness & Ben

                  

My life is full right now and I'm very blessed.  Its been a long time that I can say that I'm happy.  Truly happy with where I am at right now.  Yes there are ups and downs and I'm not so thrilled with my job and then the challenges of being a single mom raising my three teenage children.  Well two I guess, since my oldest daughter, Karlee has moved out and will begin a new chapter in her story of community college, working full time and living with room mates.

There have been several attributing factors that have had an impact on my happiness these days.  Yes, I have kept some what to myself again and not posting much and being very careful with what I do post on Facebook but its because I'm living life again!  

I'm very thankful for my Lord and Savior, he has brought me through so many storms of my life but the latest has been an on going one for some time now and has finally set sail to calm waters with bright light shining all around.  It has taken time and has been a process.  I think I've said it before but the best word to describe life is a process!  The word is perfect because of all the many phases or stages or whatever you want to call them that you go through just to get to the other side that is the next chapter in your story.

Its been a journey with losing my dad, ending my second marriage, living on my own and being a single parent.  I have gone through many stages of the process and one of them that lasted longer than I have wanted to admit to for so long was the depression.  Depression had gotten a hold of me in so many ways that thankfully I can say its moved on from me.  The next stage I've been going through and probably will continue a while is the healing stage.  Healing of so many areas of my life inside and outside of myself.

As I said there have been many things that have helped me enter into this chapter of happiness.  I'm a thriver!  Lol what is that you ask well I've been involved in Thrive Le-vel since April now.  I will have to share in depth in another post but in short its a great way to start your day with three simple steps of great vitamins, probiotics and a wearable nutrition patch that helps fill in all the gaps of lack of nutritional intake.  These simple steps of great vitamins have helped me to feel better, have more energy and actually lose inches.  Also I feel motivated and happy.  I don't even take one of my meds for my fibro anymore!

Then there has been "new friends" that have come along side me and has helped pull me out!  Out of my safe space at home!  Out and about doing things!  I never realized I missed any of it until I started getting out and about again.  Crazy I know, to some and myself I was known for my cheerfulness and my happiness and energy and being a social butterfly but over the years I lost it and didn't pay much attention to it.

Always there will be my mom!  My little mommy!  My recent visit to El Paso TX a few months ago just by myself to visit.  It was great in so many impactful ways!  I love my mom and always will appreciate her and how she has raised me, and continues to be a part of my life.

I can't forget my kids, no matter what they keep me going.  Maybe going crazy at times pulling my hair out, crying or laughing but they do keep life an adventure.

I'm thankful for the Lord.  He always know what is needed in our lives and always has a plan.  I have learned more and more about living in the moment.  Living in the moment is hard and for a person like me that wants to plan or think ahead or invite worries and concerns that aren't even there yet, living in the moment has been so helpful and has made an impact in my life.  Don't get me wrong its not easy but can be very rewarding and freeing.

Okay now we will get to the new person in my life that has come along adding more life and happiness into my life.  (I know this world is only temporary and our home is with the Lord but to have a taste of peace, and happiness here on this crazy earth with so many negatives in it.....I'll take my chance for it!)

I met Ben through my new friends.  Ben and I have enjoyed each others company for the last couple of months.  Its been full of smiles and laughter!  He is sweet, kind, thoughtful, attentive and a gentleman.  He opens the door for me out and about and on his truck for me to get in it.  Most of all and the biggest thing for me is that he accepts me.....yes me!  He accepts me for who I am inside and out!  It has made me realize how much my ex-husband really did a number on me with how I learned to feel about myself....I lost who I was and didn't think very nicely about myself, especially my outward appearance.  I'm beautiful and wonderfully made by my Lord and Savior and others have seen it and others see it now, like me!

I don't know where any of this will go with Ben but for now Ben is apart of my life and I'm enjoying every moment that he is in it.  I know some of you have said be careful, don't give away your heart just yet, and what about this or that.  I hear you I do, and have asked myself things too and have thought this or that but really life is is living.  I'm living again and I will take each moment however it unfolds and deal with it and keep moving forward.  

Trust me I know storms may come, and heartache and issues and all that but until they do I'm not going to invite them into this chapter of my story.  The Lord is the author of my story no matter how each chapter goes.  

Its simple right now, I like Ben. Ben likes me.  My kids see me happy and enjoy it.  I'm happy.

Ben and I soaking wet from being rained on at the Dan & Shay concert.  It was fun despite the rain.

Having fun messing around with snapchat and taking funny pictures and laughing while waiting on Sara to finish up with the volleyball car wash on a Saturday afternoon.

Living each moment one moment at a time.

Always being grateful

The two pictures above that are black and white I really really love!  There is just something about black and white and how it can capture the unspoken words of that moment in that brought joy.