A Dreary Looking Day

I don't know what it is about dreary looking days, there is something almost mysterious about them with a little sadness mixed in too.  Below is a picture of what it looks like right now just out my front door.  It looks cold and somber and feels that way to me inside emotionally.

As I look outside while the house is quite many thoughts come forward.....missing my dad, Micah and his mood and not working, what will this week bring, will I find a good job, my kids, only a short time before Dillon enters back into our lives, feeling a little alone despite all around me.....so many thoughts and feelings that are hard to find the words to describe but the Lord knows them.

Maybe this moment is a good moment to share with you what this session of the Ladies Bible Study is going to be on.

The first chapter was about "what if", it was an interesting chapter.  The author actually stressed me out during most it.  Just reading how anxious and worried she was since she was so itty bitty was stressful and sad.  Thinking about it now I can't help but wonder what someone from the outside would think about my "what ifs".  They are so real to us in the middle of it all but really it just takes a moment to gain a different perspective through another's eyes or through Christ.

I feel like my life is full of "what ifs" right now.  I'm trying real hard to give it all to the Lord and let Him help guide me through them and lead me where I need to go.  It's not easy, its a daily and moment to moment thing to do.

I pray that in every circumstance I will choose You Lord over hopelessness, and that I will know even to the core of my being that You are working on my behalf.  You have in store for my life.  I pray my days will be filled with gratitude as You turn the unlikely into the obvious.  Lord, I love You....unspeakably so.  Thank you.  (I changed up a prayer that the author had at the end of the chapter and made it my own)

As I was looking at my phone to upload the two pictures above I discovered someone had gotten a hold of my phone.....She is a bright corner of my life and I'm very thankful I have such a gift as my Sara Bear!

The rest of the week

It was neat to watch Micah share pictures of his life to his little, and much younger half brother.  Wyatt is only a month older than Dillon (Micah's son)

I finally found use for my square tote from Thirty One and to share that I'm getting back into making my cards.  It was good to hear that they have been missed.

Tuesday I went to the Ladies Bible Study, a new session has started up.  I didn't realize how much I have missed it and the ladies.  I shared with them how I felt through a few tears, it was just too overwhelming I couldn't help it.

Gordy's graveside service was on Wednesday. It was a beautiful service.  My life has been blessed with the privilege of being involved in caring for a sweet man.

My plan for next week.....submit resume and applications for the next "job" in my path.

A Bittersweet Gift

Thank you daddy for my car.  I wish I didn't have to give you up to have it but I know you are happy that you could bless my life with it.  I miss you so much.  This morning was hard.  Its been several days now that the car has sat in the garage and not the van so that has made it really real.....I miss you.

Sara found this song some how a few weeks after her Papa died and I shared with her this morning how I was missing him and my thoughts and she shared this song with me.  I think its a nice little song....

Journeys just beginning

His journey began at 3:20 yesterday afternoon....to be reunited with his bride and his Heavenly Father.  I know three sisters who loved their dad very much.  They took such good care of him in his last days.  I'm grateful for being a part of that task.

Life is full of journeys, once reached then an new one begins until each of us can get closer to our final journey with the Lord and receive a new body.

Many of us are left here behind as our loved ones has left before us.  It gives us the opportunity to continue on the journey of love.  Learning to love others a Christ had first loved us.  It gives us time to grow closer in our relationship to the Lord.

It's time for me to begin a new journey, a new job, new hopes, new opportunities, new moments to learn and grow to love others and to forgive.

I'm praying daily for the Lord to show me the things I need to see each day.  I'm praying for his continuing provision for me and the things I need in my life to care for my family. I'm praying for his strength and wisdom in the beginning my new journey.

For some all this may sound a bit dramatic but not for me.  I'm 42 years old, I have three teenagers, one that will graduate this year and wants to go to college.  That alone is enough to sigh real big and wonder "how"  But God is good and He has the plan and the all details worked out.  I just need to seek Him and do my part to be open to what He has planned for me each moment, and day....

4 words spoken

"It's okay to go daddy"
those are words I spoke to my dad three months ago.  Those are words I just heard spoken from a very dear friend of mine to her daddy.  Those words are hard to say and hard to hear but they speak volumes.

They are words of love,
words of saying its alright
words of letting go and releasing to our Heavenly Father
words that will begin the grieving process.....
and eventually words that will heal and comfort our sad hearts.

As much as we want to be selfish and have our loved one remain with us here on earth we have to let go and allow them to leave us knowing that they will be alright up beside our heavenly father and we will be alright down here on earth with our heavenly father....we are all still together....

What's "Next"?

If we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.  Romans 8:25

Lately I have been doing some thinking about the "next" in my life.  What will the next "job" be?  What will things look like when my daughter goes to college next year?  What about when I have another driver to worry about (Kyle can get his license next month)?  What is "next" in my life?

I have decided to really focus on not stressing out about it and trying to let God handle it, after all he has the plan and control over it all.  I will take one day at a time.  I will look for the joys and blessings around me.  I will wait and trust in the Lord that I will know the "next" when I need to know it and move towards it with Him by my side.

I do find myself reminding myself of these things often.....but that is okay, I give myself grace in all this too.  :)

Saturday Sweet Moments

God is so good.  God is so great!

Its 10:30 am on this Saturday morning and it has already been a great morning :)

Connie & I met up at 7:30 get Jane's dad up and ready for the day.  Within a half hour of being there Jane walked in her front door.  All was happy....even the dog.  

We all greeted each other and enjoyed coffee, and breakfast and talking around Jane's kitchen table.  Then we all surrounded Gordy and took pictures with him and enjoyed a small devotional and song together.  It was so nice.

A super way to start off the day!

Sweet moments to look back on as the day continues.....

Happy Saturday

Not only is the sun shinning in the blue sky and over the snow kissed mountain and trees, it is shinning in my heart.