Feb. & March catch up

 Here it is just about mid-March and I'm still unemployed.  I feel defeated and a little lost as what to do next.  I've been even a little depressed I think or at least a little bummed out. I think at this point I'm just going with the flow each day and then it starts over again. I don't like that feeling.  I'm going to try to change that and get back in the groove.  Next week I'm going to meet with a lady from bible study that did an assessment for me.  We are going to review it and see if that will help me to find a job, and maybe it will be something different than sitting at a desk, I don't know.  

Today I sit here looking out the window watching it snow.  Yes snow in March! Its really not uncommon for Flagstaff but it doesn't make it any less annoying.  I know I should be thankful for the moisture, we need it so that things won't burn during the summer but the cold hurts my body and the weather makes it hard to travel around in.  I'm so ready for the warmer weather.  I'm ready to sit outside, listening to music with Ben, with a glass of wine in hand, talking and watching the sun set.

As far as the month of of March so far, not much has been going on. Tomorrow Ben, Susan and I will go to Phoenix for the day to visit some of their family for lunch.  We have made plans to go to Eager to visit my mom and Larry. 

Now the end of February was fun!  We celebrated Kyle's 21st birthday!  We went to dinner on his birthday and then that weekend we went bar hopping.  It was fun.  I can't believe how much my kids have grown, they are growing up and developing their own lives. Pictures say it all!

Pictures from Saturday, bar hoping.  Karlee wanted to expose her brother to places she has enjoyed going to so he can see what is out there and go to nice places to hang out with his friends at some point.

Valentine Day Weekend

Friday night we decided that it not only would be a long awaited date night but we would celebrate Valentine's Day. We figured we would miss the crowds this way and Sunday night before starting a new week just didn't see like it would be much fun.

We went to our favorite place in Williams, called South Rims Beer & Wine Garage. We love the atmosphere and the food is yummy too.

For $70.00 we enjoyed an amazing dinner, there was so much food from bread, salad, to the main course and even desert!  So good!

We ended our wonderful date night with cuddling on the couch watching the Big Bang Theory together.

Saturday was spent watching the weather come in with grey skies, rain then snow and lots of wind.  By the end of the day it broke to pretty blue sky with a fresh cold white blanket of snow on the ground.  It was a very lazy day for us, watching T.V. and napping off and on.  We kept the lazy theme and cooked a frozen pepperoni pizza for dinner. It was a perfect lazy day.

Sunday.  Ben ended the weekend with grilling steaks for dinner, all I had to do was throw a salad together and microwave a few potatoes and then we were set for a yummy dinner for Valentine's Day in the comforts of home instead of waiting in line out and about some where with so many people.

 

Need to think, do and explore

 I haven't done much today, its noon and I've finally showered and gotten dressed for the day.  I had been at home since last Friday after Sara and I had returned from my mom's house until yesterday.  Tuesday I was going to go to town to get out of the house and do a few errands but it snowed real bad and the roads were a mess.  It was nice to get out yesterday, Sara and I enjoyed lunch out together.  Today I'm finding myself restless again, the house is quite and I can't figure out what to do with myself or an excuse to use gas to drive into town today.  

I have done some yoga this morning, I enjoyed that.  I think I'm finally going to discover a few yoga shows on you tube that I will like.  I enjoyed a yogurt parfait for breakfast with my coffee. I wrote in my journal and read my devotional.  Now I'm stuck! Stuck in my thoughts trying to figure out what I want to do and look for in my next job. Kevin replied to my email, we have gone back and forth as he has been helping me with my resume.  He asked me what kind of job do I want.  That is a very hard question, I replied back to him but it was a bunch of babble so I'm sure it didn't help.

I find myself telling myself to enjoy the silence of being at home, tune in to myself as I explore yoga.  Sit and reflect on goals and habits that are good and that I'd like to add to my life. But instead I find myself struggling with lets go to town or what am I going to do for dinner!

I'm a little frustrated and want to just avoid and sit around not doing much but what will that do! It will put me in an unsatisfied funk and that is not a place I enjoy dwelling in for any length of time.

I'm back. I left for a couple of hours. In those hours I ate lunch and researched and watched some videos on you tube about different styles of yoga. I think I have decided to start doing some restorative yoga, it will be gentle and slow to try and then build my way up to another form of yoga for strength and other areas. I've also been fighting the idea of laying down and taking a nap.  I need to get the kitchen cleaned up so I can cook breakfast for dinner tonight.  

I have thought more about the suggestions from Kevin and plan on working on it more tomorrow.  I'm feeling a little more motivated and maybe a little encouraged to believe in myself again and what all I can do and have to offer a new employer.

I'm discovering that at times I need to step away and move my thoughts to something for a short time, or go have a quite moment to clear my head and possibly a moment to take a few deep breathes and maybe a few soft yoga movements to help regroup to be ready to continue what I was doing.  Its one thing to be able to do all that being home but how can I incorporate a few tiny moments like that when I start a new job and working all the time?

 Today I sit here at my table at home.  The house is quite. Sara is still sleeping, she doesn't have to go into work until 1:00 p.m. Ben and Susan are at work.  I was terminated with my job on Dec. 21st.  I sit here unemployed.  I don't like the feeling at all, its scary and nerve racking actually.  I did file for unemployment and I believe that will start on Monday.  I decided to look up my blog that I wrote on for so many years.  Last year in January on the 4th I said good-bye to all and turned it off from the world to view.  I have not written on it since that day.  I have missed it at times but not really either.  But for whatever reason I viewed it today and read my last post.  Apparently I needed to read my words from a year ago, they are what I needed today.  Its funny how that works, well not really, its a God thing!  So grateful that I don't try to do life without him. My fingers and hands hurt more when I write in my journal, I can't write as long as I'd like to at times.  I may start writing on my blog again so I can type out my thoughts.  I have found out that I have developed osteoarthritis in my knees and I'm sure in my hands as well.   I know I will continue to keep my written journal but maybe I will come back here at times.  

Its time to end and begin again

Here it is Jan. 4th, 4 days into the new year, I sit here at the table with my butterfly coffee cup beside me and the house is silent for the moment.  There is and has been a blanket of snow outside for weeks now, chill crisp air on this quite Saturday morning.  I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and have decided to end this blog.  I started my first blog in 2009 and then changed over to this format in 2010, so the timing of closing out 2019 and awakening to 2020 its been 10 years that I've blogged.  Its time to end and begin again.  Its time to put this blog in the past and keep moving forward in my personal journals.  I've kept a written journal off and on since I was twelve.  This blog has represented a huge chapter in my life and I feel it has served its purpose.  I've changed so much over the last ten years, I'm not the same person that started this blog.  I realize that this blog was my therapy, my way of dealing with all the crap in my life, a place to work things out and find the joy and blessings in it all at the same time.  My life has been blessed with this blog and I pray that someone out there was blessed by it at some point to, even it was just helping with the feeling of not feeling like you were the only one out there.

I do plan on printing out my blog one day just so that I can always have a copy of it, its been like a book in my life and when you find a good book you hang on to it.  I will sum up the last month or so before ending the blog.  I'm excited in my next season of life to see what the next chapter in my life will write.

I know my story is not over, I just won't share it like I have in the past.  I'm a stronger, more mature woman with grown and growing children, in a wonderful relationship with a man who loves all of me.  Its time to keep moving forward with a little less hardship in my life and a lot more smiles, laughter, joy and blessings in it.  I know things won't always be rosy and happy but I'm in a place in my life that I'm okay and I know I'm not alone.  I never do life without God in it, I will continue to look to him for strength, guidance, peace and comfort.