Today I woke up with a lump in my throat and flash backs of the day daddy died. Some days are better than others and as time has gone on there are more good days than bad but then there are those moment that hit hard.
I miss him.
I hate seeing all the father's day stuff out.
I hate not being able to call him and tell him the good news about his grandson getting his first job I know he would be proud of his "little leaper". He called Kyle his little leaper because he sort of leaped instead of crawled.
I continue to realize that when you lose someone its the process of all the "firsts" that are what is so hard.
I fought a few tears on the way to work. Once I got there I got busy and stayed busy all day so I managed through the day.
Tomorrow is a new day. He isn't far from my thoughts and always in my heart. I love you daddy.
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Moving on up!
Moving on up.....that silly song and picture of that family on that comedy show years and years ago about this black family moving on up......can't think of the name but anyways we have our selves an apartment!
We are now going to be on our own! Karlee and I signed the lease yesterday (since she is 18 she had to sign the paperwork too and be on the lease) and we get the keys tomorrow!
Feeling scared and nervous but oddly very excited too!
Sara is excited to come home since she found out there is a pool.
She is also very thankful and relieved that we are not moving into the home with the very sweet family....but that is another story and another post.
We are now going to be on our own! Karlee and I signed the lease yesterday (since she is 18 she had to sign the paperwork too and be on the lease) and we get the keys tomorrow!
Feeling scared and nervous but oddly very excited too!
Sara is excited to come home since she found out there is a pool.
She is also very thankful and relieved that we are not moving into the home with the very sweet family....but that is another story and another post.
A little downward spiral
After Karlee's graduation we had a little downward spiral that brought some sad moments, frustrating times with courage and strength to keep moving forward.
We were going to move into a home with another family and they were going to rent two rooms to us but with the few new items added to my huge over flowing plate we struggled with making the commitment to do so.
After talking with my mom and doing so thinking and praying I made huge decision to step out in faith and start looking for our own place.
Sara has been in El Paso since my mom left, she went back with them to visit and took her good friend Marlee too.
Karlee and I have enjoyed our time together and have spent some time with Kyle too. I love my son, there are times I miss him so much. Which brings me to one of things added to my plate is the chance of him coming back to live with me, which would be one of the hard things to do with the idea of moving in with that family.
I've been getting back into routine with the job and studying. I have got to get licensed soon!
We were going to move into a home with another family and they were going to rent two rooms to us but with the few new items added to my huge over flowing plate we struggled with making the commitment to do so.
After talking with my mom and doing so thinking and praying I made huge decision to step out in faith and start looking for our own place.
Sara has been in El Paso since my mom left, she went back with them to visit and took her good friend Marlee too.
Karlee and I have enjoyed our time together and have spent some time with Kyle too. I love my son, there are times I miss him so much. Which brings me to one of things added to my plate is the chance of him coming back to live with me, which would be one of the hard things to do with the idea of moving in with that family.
I've been getting back into routine with the job and studying. I have got to get licensed soon!
Karlee Graduates
So I thought that after Karlee's graduation and her party and the visit from my mom that life would slow down some. But as you tell it hasn't and I'm far behind on posting about things that have gone on. So we will start with this post since it was sort of started already with the pictures but not written.
I'm so proud of her! She did a great job with her speech!
My mom always seems to find some time for a little music and a little dancing.....
We had a good visit. It all went fast and busy with the graduation and then the party the next day but it a great visit!
Friday, May 20, 2016
In One Week
I can not believe that on Friday of next week my oldest, my beautiful daughter Karlee will graduate from high school! Its a turning point in her life and mine. She is going to start a new chapter in her story of her life. I will start a new season in a some ways too, like being old enough to have a daughter graduating.....as I see white hair in the mix of my sandy blonde long hair. I know I know 43 isn't that old I get that but I do have some grays and whites in my hair and I do have a daughter graduating from high school so I'm a little old!
I'm very proud of my daughter, she has grown up so much over these last 4 years of school, heck for that matter over this past year!
She is beautiful inside and out and I look forward to seeing what she reaches for and goes after this next year after high school.
I'm also a little sad. She doesn't need me as much and I have to let her go a little more out into this big crazy world. I have to let her fall and not be quick to pick her back up. I need to keep praying that she will let God back into path so she can be strong in Him and not in herself.
I also pray that God will help me be there as I need to be for her in right moment. I pray that he will continue to guide me always to know what to say and how to say it. Show me how I can be there for her while letting God work in her heart and life.
I'm very proud of my daughter, she has grown up so much over these last 4 years of school, heck for that matter over this past year!
She is beautiful inside and out and I look forward to seeing what she reaches for and goes after this next year after high school.
I'm also a little sad. She doesn't need me as much and I have to let her go a little more out into this big crazy world. I have to let her fall and not be quick to pick her back up. I need to keep praying that she will let God back into path so she can be strong in Him and not in herself.
I also pray that God will help me be there as I need to be for her in right moment. I pray that he will continue to guide me always to know what to say and how to say it. Show me how I can be there for her while letting God work in her heart and life.
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Take a step back
Okay I just realized that we need to take a step back. A step back to some joy and blessings!
So it was Mother's Day recently and My Birthday too! So here are a few pictures that will express those two nice days.
So it was Mother's Day recently and My Birthday too! So here are a few pictures that will express those two nice days.
One day these two surprised me by stopping by....right around lunch time lol....so I bought us Subway and we all had lunch together! :) Its crazy how much they have grown and changed!
I had returned later in the evening after having a little rough emotional patch after swinging by Micah's and found these waiting for me from Karlee for Mother's Day.
Karlee surprised me at work with a yummy Birthday lunch and drink!
Karlee has really been showing me love and support with all the crazy emotional changes going on in our life. She loves her momma!
Me and My girls!!!!!
Got myself a cute baby cake! It was yummy!
Very thankful for my friends and family
The sun does shine in the midst of dark days of life!!!
Monday, May 16, 2016
More on top of More
Just when I thought things couldn't get anymore crazy in our lives!
The joy of finding a new place to live was recently shorten with a bittersweet twist. The only thing I know to do is right now is to fall to my knees and cling. Cling to the Lord and ask for his strength to run through me to lead my steps into another part of this journey that my daughters and I have started the moment we moved out and left Micah.
As time goes on and we get further into this journey I know I will share more and things will come out but until then its enough therapy for now for me to write down the words that I know that will keep me comforted and tied into the Lord is just knowing and trusting and continuing to stretch my faith in Him and Him alone.
And to be thankful that He has placed the right people in our lives and will continue to place the right people and situations and opportunities to keep us moving forward....moving forward together in His sweet arms of love and grace.
The joy of finding a new place to live was recently shorten with a bittersweet twist. The only thing I know to do is right now is to fall to my knees and cling. Cling to the Lord and ask for his strength to run through me to lead my steps into another part of this journey that my daughters and I have started the moment we moved out and left Micah.
As time goes on and we get further into this journey I know I will share more and things will come out but until then its enough therapy for now for me to write down the words that I know that will keep me comforted and tied into the Lord is just knowing and trusting and continuing to stretch my faith in Him and Him alone.
And to be thankful that He has placed the right people in our lives and will continue to place the right people and situations and opportunities to keep us moving forward....moving forward together in His sweet arms of love and grace.
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