Seasons of Life

It's crazy how quickly you can move in and out of different seasons of your life.  My new season seems to be in the parent department with older teenagers and their next stage of growing and being responsible and of me being more quite and doing more in my actions than talking.  Its hard and I'm struggling.

I think I'm going to start posting under the heading called Parent Moments.  I have recently grabed a notebook over these last couple of days to jot down some of the moments that have gone on during the day with my kids.

 Here is the first Parent Moment 2-15-14

My son is changing and growing so fast.  He will 14 on the 23rd of this month (Feb).  I see the changes in his face, when he talks (his voice squeeks and cracks) and in his feet-he needs new shoes.  Also by the way he thinks and talks.  Lately he has been kind-I mean has shown kindness and concern and thoughtfulness.  He asks me how my day was.  He remembered I had a job interview the other day and sent me a message asking me about it.

At the same time he has shown me that I need to back off and let go some.  Like last night he was gathering his stuff up for his boy scout camping/hiking trip.  He was frustrated with finding his stuff-I finally realized it was best for me to walk away and let him figure things out. (it al turned out fine) And it became clear to me that I need to say something only once or ask only once and then walk away.  He has a brain, and a mouth to think, figure it out or ask for help.  So I went to relax and watch a movie with Micah and Kyle took care of what he needed.  Today/this weekend if he doesn't have what he needs-he will learn for the next time but in the end he will be alright-the situation will be fine and I will be quite.

Parent Moment

I really do talk to much, but its because I care and love so much.  But there are times when God is silent so I can learn and grow or fall down on my knees to reach out to him.  He puts me inmy place when he is diciplining me or moving me through a growing phase through my character.  I need to remember that with my own children and really look to my Heavenly Father as an example.

Parent Moment


Girls.  Girls are harder to deal with when trying to talk to them.  The way they think and feel with so much emotions (now I know how Micah feels when he and I are ina heated conversation or when he is dealing with me)  Karlee is at times the opposite of what I was when I was her age and it makes it hard to communicte with her.  I can only wonder what things will be like when my youngest daughter, Sara gets to be a teenager.....

Parent Moment

Parenting is such a long rollercoaster ride and I still don't like crazy rides!  But at lease I'm not alone on this ride- :) thank you Jesus.

It all comes down to trust.  Trusing god that he knows best for my children.  He has a plan for them.  He knows what deep water they need to be in and how to get them out.  He knows their hearts.  He knows!

Changes

Lately there have been a few changes around here.  I now have a new job to start on the 24th.  I will miss some things about Comfort Keepers but I'm ready to move on.  I'm now going to be a part time school aide for the Basis School here.  I'm not sure of all the details yet, other than mainly supervizing the kids at the school before school, at lunch and then some after school.

Micah really wants me to get a full time job.  I don't really want one, I enjoy being around for the kids.  I will however continue to find something else that is more like a part time secretary job or clerical at least but until then I will look forward to starting my new adventure as a school aide.  (it is two dollars more than what I was making at Comfort Keepers)

I may have to start missing Ladies Bible study on Tuesday mornings with this new job and all.  I'm trying not to think of it, I enjoy going and don't really not want to go....but I'll let God handle the details of my hearts desire.

This next week I'm working at my church while the secretary is out for the week.  I love working in the office at the church.  It's more than just doing the job, its talking to the people that come in and out.

My daughter, Karlee has a boyfriend (not so comfortable with it)

My little Sara bear is excited to start midddle school next year.

Kyle will be 14 on Sunday the 23rd and his voice is changing.

I'm in the season of life where my kids are growing up and changing and leaving me to learn how to really trust God and let go.  I can't always keep them protected but God can.

Micah is going to start tearing up the floor in the house to put in new wood flooring instead of having carpet....which means the house will be in a mess and stuff piled everywhere until its all done.

Psalms 18:2The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalms 62:6 He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

Always Psalms

I can take great comfort in knowing that when I'm mixed in side with so many thoughts or emotions I can always turn to the Psalms and find comfort and soothing peace for my soul.

Psalm 63

Here is a different version of it from a beautiful book that just helps to bring it closer to our understanding and easy to take to our hearts.  Psalms/Now by Brandt/Corita

Like a thirsty child raching for a drink,
I grasp for You, O God.
And I have found You.
I have sensed Your holy presence
in the worship service;
and in the hour of prayer
I have felt You to be near.
I realize now that Your love for me
is far better than life itself.

My heart is full of joy and contentment
My mouth is filled with praises for You.
Even the night hours are no longer lonely
as I contemplate Your tender concern for me.

The enemies of my soul still seek to betray me,
but they shall not snatch me out of Your hand.
And now that I have found You,
I shall be secure and happy forever.

The Ride of Life

 

This is what my little bed side table has looked like for weeks now....wait make that months.  There were more bottles but some come and go as I finish them.  I really don't like looking over there and seeing all that, it mostly makes me feel old and wondering what all that really is doing for my body long term.

 

 

Now I have this set on my dresser.  A new antibiotic that I will be taking for a month since I can't seem to get rid of the little infections that keep coming and the other is to add good bacteria back into my body and the cranberry helps with the discomfort of the on going UTI :(

 

I feel like I'm such a mess at times.  I still find myself getting frustrated even though I try real hard to rest in God knowing that he's got this.

 

Things have improved so I can't complain too much.

 

I still get tired at times.  My right side where my kidney is still bothers me some during the day but mostly by the end of the day, depending on what all I've done during the day.  Things keep moving forward each day so I'm grateful.

 

Life still goes on, dinner still needs to be cooked, groceries need to be bought, kids need to go here and there and everywhere.

 

Here lately my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride but I stop and take a few moments to get off the ride and talk to God and pray and breath in a little peace before dealing with the next dip on the ride.  (by the way have I ever told you that I don't like roller coaster rides)

Slow Road of Recovery

I think I'm finally on the road of recovery, but at a very slow pace.  Things have improved and seem to get a little better with each day.  I still have some discomfort and pain.  I still get tired easily and at times feel yucky but things are moving forward.  I had a CT scan today and it does show things less swollen, the ureter is not as swelled up in size as before and the kidney isn't as puffy either.  All that is good....it's good to be better...maybe not a 100% but better!  In the whole scheme of things, I'm feeling better compared to a few months ago and I have been on this road since the middle of October so I'm thankful.

I am frustrated at times because this slow pace does interfere with my day in and day out of life.  I get tired at times in the middle of the day and want a nap.  I can't go to Karlee's volley ball tournaments yet until I can sit all day long.  There are times sitting too long, or standing too long, or laying on my back or ride side becomes painful.  I haven't been working since October, and I'm not sure to what capacity I can go back on but I need to get back in the grind to some point.

I'm asking God for help with figuring out what to do about working and how the conversation might go when I go in to talk to them at work.  I continue to ask for my family to be patient with me while I continue to heal and to give me peace in knowing that God is working and things will be fine in time.

I'm so thankful for the many blessings that have come out of all this that has been going on.  God continues to show me how he can work in my messy life :)

My plan for now, will be to continue to rest and take things easy but still be productive and functioning in life and letting God handle all the rest.

Trusting Him

Isaiah 26:3-4
You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!  Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.

The last several months I have looked to that verse, trusting God in all this health stuff that I  have been going through.  There were times, I was so frustrated and discouraged that I kept asking why but no answer just a faint whisper of "trust me".  I've come to realize more and more that there are trials and storms, situations....things that we go through that is not really completely for us and only our character building but for others around us.  It's amazing to look back over the last few months and see how God was using my suffering in my loved ones lives.  I'm almost to the end of this health journey, I think.....  I will have to stent removed on Tuesday of next week.  I look forward to getting back in my routine of work, kids and going to the gym.

God has been there for me with my health concerns, just as he has been and continues to be there for me with other areas of my life.  My step son is in jail again....basically for violating his probation.  I've been praying for his heart to give up to the Lord.  Until whatever happens I know that God is right there in the middle of it all and no matter what there will be good found in the next step of consequence for Dillon.

God continues to be in the middle of my marriage.  There have been baby steps towards each other. On the days I feel sad or discouraged I remember to trust in the Lord and look back in my journal and read how he has had a hand in my marriage over the past few months.

Trusting God is the best thing I think anyone could do.  It is a battle at times living in this world and easy to fall into our own ways but its more rewarding and less stressful if we just remember to give it up and trust in our Lord God.

I'm so thankful that God is always there for me, all I have to do is fix my thoughts on Him!

New Year Back in Hospital

January 1st I found myself heading to the hospital with a fever and not feeling good.  I didn't want to go back but I didn't like the way I was feeling and the pain was not pleasant.

While there they drained the fluid that they saw on the CT Scan.  The used a needle and went through my back some how, I was heavily sedated so I don't remember anything.  It turned out to be dried blood that they had to dilute to get out.  Discovering that was not the source of the pain.

My white cells in my blood were high, so with that and the fever my body was saying an infection was going on.  There was nothing huge, big and ugly shouting out saying here I am , its me, its me.  (which is good)

With lots of fluids, antibiotics, and pain meds running through IVs I was making it through.  The whole thing has been odd and not fit into a perfect cut and dry case.

The conclusion we think is that my body doesn't like the stent.  The stent that was placed for ureter to stay open and heal.  I know I was probably fighting off a few small infections but in the end the stent is not being liked by my body.  It comes out on the 21st of this month.  I think after it has been removed I feel so much better.

So I didn't leave on Saturday (1-4-14) feeling better but I left with a survival plan, medicines to get me through to the 21st.

Today as I write this post (1-6-14) I'm feeling not too bad.  The pain is not as sharp, its dull and achy.  I'm taking it easy still but I'm feeling better and able to function and do some things around the house.