A very heavy heart

This morning my heart is very heavy.  I found out that a dear friend of mine has cancer.  All I can do is pray and hang on to our almighty powerful Lord.  He is in control.  He has her and her family in His hands.

I don't have any words right now....just emotions leading to constant prayer.

Plus or Minus

There is a positive behind every negative...a blessing in the mix of it all with a lesson wrapped up surrounded with love and hope from the Almighty God.

2-5-13

Looking over the scrapbook I made with pictures of my new blended family.  At one point it troubled my heart to complete it.  It was completed on a hopeful moment and set aside to avoid on a hurtful low moment.

Today with a few thoughts running through my head as I reflect on the bible study subject....contentment...I reached for the scrapbook.

I sat down to look over each page, turning each slowly.  As I turned I could smile at the good memory on the page while I could tell you about a negative bump in each memory on the page but even though I found this time while browsing that my heart didn't ache so much with sadness but with hope and joy. 

Realizing that we have come out of each of those moments with smiles, hugs & laughter....positive instead of a negative.

I'm able to feel hopeful and I think I'm starting to understand contentment a little more.....

I believe You are good

My heart was heavy in church this morning and this song that we started singing brought tears to my eyes.  I couldn't sit there too far into singing the song.  My voice chocked and tears started to come forth....I got up and went to the ladies room.  I dabbed my eyes with a Kleenex and took a few deep breaths and asked God to hear my pray and look into my heart.  I went back in and the song was over.  I found the rest of worship hard to sing to so I closed my eyes and let listened and let the words and the music enter into my heart and mind.

Hungry

Hungry, I come to You
For I know You satisfy
I am empty, but I know
Your love does not run dry
So I wait for You, So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees, Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
Broken, I run to You
For Your arms are open wide
I am weary, but I know
Your touch Restores my life
So I wait for You, So I wait for You
I’m falling on my knees, Offering all of me
Jesus, You’re all this heart is living for
The Goodness of God
My God is a giver, an overflowing river
Pouring His lavish love on us
Season after season we give him every reason
To stop, but he never does

(Chorus)
Oh-oh-oh, the goodness of God
Is flooding my heart with peace
Oh-oh-oh, the goodness of God
Is bringing me to my knees
My God is a Father
Who ransoms sons and daughters
Pouring His costly love on us
His greatest treasure given
His Son crushed to make us whole

(Bridge)
We...We believe You are good
We believe You are good, You are good
We believe You are good
We believe You are good, You are good
Revelation Song
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
Holy, Holy, is He
Sing a new song to him who sits on
Heaven's mercy seat

A little update

This past week I met several new clients, my hours are less but I'm moving about meeting new and interesting clients.  I've enjoyed being around the house more again for the kids.

Kyle is playing Upwards Basketball, and staying busy with friends and is really wanting the weather to improve so he can get out and bust some moves on his scooter at the skate park.

Karlee is making the most out of the ups and downs of her first year of high school (enough said)

Sara is enjoying life!  My happy cheerful silly little girl.  Busy with sleep over after sleep over here lately with her friends.

I bough a new camera!  I've played with it a tiny bit but I'm really wanting to get out somewhere and really focus on taking pictures.  Maybe I'll go to Sedona next weekend and go on a little hike...

I've been feeling sort of overwhelmed.  I don't understand it because I'm working less hours so I have more time but...

I find myself stopping whatever I'm doing, finding a quite spot to sit and close my eyes and take in a deep breath in silence for a few moments.

Quietness-the state of being quiet, calmness; stillness

Eccl 4:6 Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.

Isaiah 30:15 This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it

Isaiah 32:17 And the work of righteousness will be peace, And the service of righteousness, quietness and confidence forever . 
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Ladies, Fellowship & Tears

This morning I went to the first session of Ladies Bible Study.  I'm so thankful that I had made arrangements 2 weeks ago in my schedule with work to go.  The bible study that we are going to work through is called Calm my Anxious Heart: A woman's guide to finding contentment by Linda Dillow.

I have felt like I have been out of the loop lately with church, and my friends and their lives and how to pray for them.  Its been hit or miss with church lately and I didn't really get to participate much on the last bible study on Tuesday mornings.  Things have slowed down for me right now with work so I think I have had a chance to re-group sort of and have made a few decisions that I would pray that I can stick to.  One being that my weekends are mine and my family's, two that I need Tuesday mornings and will let my work know that I need to block out in my schedule Tuesday mornings from 9-11.

It was nice to see some new faces in the group today, some were new to the church and all and others are faces that I see on Sundays but never on Tuesday mornings.  I ended up shedding a few tears while sharing in our little group but so did others and I didn't realize that I had so much going on inside of me until I shared.  I think I've just been "hiding"  But it was very freeing to share and I think it help open the door for others to share when they struggle with it.

Despite the tears I walked out of the room feeling very filled and blessed with the Lord and look forward to next week.
Thank you Lord.


The song below I keep playing over and over....

Goals & Fresh Starts!

Its been 14 days into the new year.  Nothing much around me has changed.  Life goes on each day.  I know some may set a goal for the next new year to accomplish...which is great.  But I think of all the times I've set goals....they are not easy to do sometimes.  In fact nothing is easy to do on my own.

So I sit here thinking about the new year and "new beginnings" and I think the only goal I need to focus on is Christ.  Focus on keeping him at the center of my life.  By focusing on Him anything is possible.  By focusing on Hi I can accomplish a goal if I set one.  By focusing on Him I can "start again", He makes all things new.

So I think I will do my part to ensure that Christ is at the center of my life in every moment of every day, week to week, month after mount throughout the year.  Christ you are my goal for this new year and more.

2 Cor 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation.  The old has passed away; behold the new has come.

I'm beliving in God with all I have.  I'm beliving God and no one is stopping me from be coming the woman He created and called me to be in and through Him alone.

May my life be a reflection of the blessed hope to come when You O Lord, will make all things new...

And He who was seated on the throne said, "Behold I am making all things new." "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.

Happy New Year.

No catching up just living life

I know its been a long time since I've written on my blog but life happens.  Life keeps going on regardless if you write about it or not.  I've actually been writing but in a journal instead.  I haven't done that in such a long time.

Anyways here is the latest!

My Sara bear went to her first winter camp weekend with our church and had a really good time.

The first few things she started to talk about were the silly pranks the girls and boys played on each other.  Then she explains the silly pink dot on her nose, saying they were all told they needed one and it helped bond them together.  (the girls)  She also shared with me that she ate 6 pickles!  My little pickle girl.  Later she begins to giggle and laugh for a few minutes before sharing about a conversation that all had as a group...she said between giggle and a pink glowing face....poop!  "mom we shared stories about poop!"  To say the least I gave her a strange look but couldn't help but smile and giggle with her especially when she shared with me her story of "poop".

From pranks, pickles and poop to piggies in a pen and sardines.  Two games they played, and apparently Sara was a good little piggy.  But after all the "fun" stuff and "silly" stuff and new ways of bonding what seem to stick with her that she said she enjoyed doing was helping.  Helping at Hope Cottage and re-organizing their library.

So I think its safe to say that we are both happy with her first experience of winter camp at church that this is only the beginning...

Thanks Rachel and everyone involved

P.S. Sara said the food was great especially the Chicken Parmesan.  I will have to get your recipe Diane.

Sara now feels like she has had a chance to get to know Beth and Emily better.  And she likes you guys! :)

Sara had fun doing donuts with Ryan....I guess no worries she is safe and sound lol

Sara shared her story from Dave Myers about punching cows

and of course the music she enjoyed!

Great job everyone!