A Cold Snowy Morning

Feb. 6th 2019 Wed at 7:30 a.m.

Yesterday I wrote:

Crunch crunch goes the ground outside.  A man walking his dog on this cold snowy morning just walked by.  The wind is blowing, the cold air is whirling around as the snow hits the ground stacking up on what is already on the white covered blanket.

Soon I will bundle up, go clear and warm up my car and make the drive to work.  It is so hard for me to get out in this weather.  I love looking at it and taking a walk in it maybe or taking a picture of my surroundings.  I really enjoy sitting under a cozy soft blanket on  my couch reading a book, drinking hot tea or relaxing to a silly movie that makes me laugh a ton.

I've always dreaded having to drive in it.  I think its my anxiety that builds up into fear.  My car is safe and the roads are usually alright, at times taking it slow and easy.  But I think its all the what "ifs" out there with other people driving.

I frankly would be happy to not go to work.  For all to stay home and safe.  Sort of like the world...my world here in AZ to shut down, take a break and pause.  But that is not really a good idea and it can't be done, so why think of a silly idea like that.

Another reason I'd rather stay home warm and cozy is because my body hurts and I'm tired.  I haven't talked about it much, having Fibromyalgia what good does it do.  Its part of me and I deal with it daily.

The cold weather is the worst!  Right now as I sit here writing this where my arms are connected to my shoulder hurts and aches, it was hard to lift my arms up to wash my hair in the shower.  It hurt to put my deodorant on under my arms.

My wrist hurts, my fingers to hold this pen. I could go on and on but for now you get the picture.  Some days it take all my energy to get out of bed and start my day with work, my kids and running errands, just daily life in general.

At the same time I couldn't be in bed all day either.  Laying around too long makes my body ache, become stiff and hurt too.

Today I'm giving myself a moment to complain a little.  To complain about the chronic pain I deal with daily.  If its not the cold that does it then its when I'm tired and don't get enough rest or when I'm stressed and worried about something.  It hurts and aches.  those words really do not work well for how I feel but they will have to work.

I get so tired of dealing with it.  It doesn't do any good to tell others or to remind my family because I still have to do the things I need to do.  Although sometimes it would be nice.  The winter cold weather is the worst!!  Bring on Spring!  Bring on some warmer weather please.

Today is Thursday and its another cold day, the sun is shinning some and that makes me happy.  My arms ache still and my fingers as I type this and my neck.....well my whole body aches sort of like I worked out the day before and its sore or like when you have the flu and have body aches.  Well imagine that daily especially when its cold out!!

Well I'm dressed warm, I have hot coffee and my work day will soon begin.  I will go out and warm up my car and get this day started.  I wish I could hibernate like a bear until Spring. No wait even better.....I wish I didn't have to deal with this thing with an odd name, Fibromyalgia, sadly its becoming more and more of a real thing that people and doctors are paying attention and knowing its a real thing.  All I can do is work on me and my lifestyle and all that I put in it and around me as far as stress levels, and self care.  The rest like the weather and the upside world we live is out of my control.

I will always continue to find ways to deal but just know there may days I just want to complain and feel bad and want to hide, for just a bit.

I have to gather my lunch and go warm up my car.  I hope you have a blessed and joyous day no matter what your day brings you or what you deal with daily.