My son's heart

My son and his father.  My son's heart is aching and there isn't much I can say or do for him.  Things are settling in with reality now for Kyle.  He went out to his dad's this morning to get more of his things.  When I got home this evening I asked where his stuff was, I wanted to see what we were looking at for space.  He told me and said that there was more.  I asked why he didn't go ahead and bring it he simply said "that way I can go see dad again".

Kyle had texted me earlier in the day and said that he didn't want his dad to go.  I reminded him why he was going and that it would be a good thing but he only replied with a sad face.  I didn't know what to say.

Just moments ago I wiped his tears off of the table.

Kyle came down the stairs and said "mom I don't want him to go".  I pulled a chair out from the table and said sit down and lets talk.  He sat down and instantly put his arm down on the table and then he laid his head down in the crook of it.  I knew he was trying not to cry.  I put my hand on his back and held it there for a bit in silence.  I was trying to figure out what to say but what could I say that would change the situation or how he was feeling.  I caressed his head for a bit, I couldn't help but think about when he was little and he loved to play with my hair and put his hand close to me on my neck.  And the moments when he loved to have his back rubbed to fall asleep.

I told him that I know it was hard and going to be hard.  I told him that I guess next summer we need to make sure we get to Tx.  I told him that I loved him and that I was here for him and for him to come talk to me and keep me in the loop of his feelings.  I told him it was okay to cry and let it out.  He didn't say a word.  He raised his head up and hide it in his shirt while rubbing his eyes with it.  He got up to blow his nose and I gave him a hug.  He went upstairs to his room.  Sighed real heavy and stood there at the bottom of the stairs looking up as he walked up.

As I walked back over to my table with my computer I saw the dining table wet with his tear drops.

No matter what Scott did or didn't do or how he is or whatever he is still a father and Kyle has learned to love and know his father for who he is no matter.  And despite it all this will be hard on both of them.

I can only keep letting Kyle know I'm here for him and love him and let him have time to adjust and heal.

I love my son and I love his tender heart.