Its hard to catch up posting from over these several weeks so this post and future post may be random as I think of things or based on my mood at the time. Anyways I sit here in my own apartment at my table in my kitchen. I know its crazy but its crazy and then some for me to think about all this. Technically I'm still married but I signed a 9 month lease to live in an apartment with my two daughters.
I never expected to be living on my own again. I briefly did when I was divorced from Scott. The kids and I lived in Fort Davis Tx in a little pink house with wooden floors. We lived there for about a year before Micah came back into my life and whirled in and moved us to Flagstaff AZ for the adventure we have been on for the last 7 years.
I never lived on my own out of high school either. I lived at home then from home I was suppose to live with my mom after she divorced my dad but I was there very briefly when I lived with Micah. Yes I did the live with someone before marriage.....Later when Micah and I broke up back then I found myself again with a chance to be on my own, I was twenty something but I didn't. I ended up with Scott, the kids father. We lived together for 2 years before we got married. We were married almost 10 years, shy just a few days when I filed for divorce.
We were in Albq. NM and from there the kids and I went to my mom's in El Paso and moved in with them then we went to Ft. Davis to give Scott another shot. A year later that is when I found myself in the little pink house with wooden floors.
When I was in my teens I had wondered what it would be like to live on my own. Not sure why things turned out the way that have. But here I am on my own, still awkwardly tethered by an invisible line of "marriage" with an 18 year old and a 13 year old starting a new adventure.
No matter the changes in my life thankfully I have always found ways to move forward. Looking back I can see it was God even when I may not have seen it at the time. I do now and I do know now that its all God. God is the one that moves me forward when changes happen.
It hard to say that you have regrets when as you move forward you move on to new adventures, new lessons, new joys and blessings with a glimmer of the past.....the past to be "from" and to learn from so that you can become what God wants and also move forward closer to Him.
Change has not been easy and it never will be but moving forward without God would be impossible!
I continue to lean on God and ask him to help me take steps daily forward with each new day that He gives to me.
The best thing to know when you are going through changes are to move forward.
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