Behind the Smile

Behind my smile there has been tons of things going on.  Thoughts that lead to sadness, some tears, some frustration and countless thankfulness in the mix of it all.  Being thankful and searching and hanging on to the joys is like the glue to me, its what keeps things going and moving in a good way and with God's hand holding mine as we walk along together each day in this world.

Behind the smiles are the moments of worry and thoughts that can consume me at times of being a mother and wanting what is best for my children.  As a mother of teenagers I have been having to learn to let go.  Letting go hoping and praying that I laid the foundation down for them to know right from wrong, to make wise decisions and to live their lives with feet that lead toward Jesus.  I know the seeds were planted and are there and that the Lord will do the rest in His time.  Its so hard not to want to try to control all areas of their lives, but I can't.  I hold them up in prayer and keep plugging along with the moments that come about with each of them as they grow and learn and live.

Behind the smiles are the frustrations and weight of this world that it has to offer each of us in ways of surviving in it with how to do this, or how to pay this....etc.  I'm struggling with getting health insurance for myself and the kids.  The basics of managing a household are normal stresses but they are there.

Behind the smiles are "what am I going to do after this job ends?" I have been toying with the idea of going back to school so I can find a job that I can get insurance with. Maybe go get my CNA.... I need to work to take care of my kids because I don't have a normal marriage...that in itself brings a whole bunch of things "behind the smiles"

Behind the smiles of wanting things to change in my relationship with my husband.
Behind the smiles is where life is lived and it's not the easiest to do but I continue to look towards God with a huge *sigh of admission of I can't do this without You....