Another day without

Here lately there hasn't been a moment that my dad isn't too far from my thoughts. More and more everyday its harder to realize that he is really gone....2 months doesn't seem very long.  The more living life in the everyday of it all is when I noticed how I want to just pick up the phone and call him and share something about the kids, or just to say hello or to tell him that Micah got an elk again this year and how he should come visit us and eat an elk steak with us....

I'm looking out the window right now sitting here at Jane's and the wind is getting up and it looks so cold out side.  I wish daddy could have come here to Flagstaff one more time to enjoy the snow.  I think he liked the snow, heck he had the perfect big ole truck for it so there was no stopping him from going out in it.  I remember the stories that would be told about when mom and him lived on the Navajo reservation about my Papa's 1968 Bronco.  It was the beast of all broncos to go out in the snow with.  They had fun with it on the roads and in the snow.  My brother has the bronco now.

Its not as cold out as it looks, so dreary, but the cold weather is moving in this weekend. It's been unseasonably warm the last couple of weeks but that is going to soon change. Winter is arriving :)

With my daddy gone all I can think about are the good things, moments and childhood memories and the moments I don't have now with him.  He wasn't perfect and he had bad habits and he had a funny  way of doing things at times, and he spent too much money and he was prideful and didn't ask for help when it came to his house being clean and the property either but none of that matters to me.  All that just goes away and its not something I think about or dwell on, it doesn't lessen the achy feeling of missing him. I miss him no matter of his faults and habits and such.  I miss his voice.  I miss his help with things.  I miss him being there.  I miss everything about him!

I don't say much to people about missing him, except to my kids and my husband. If someone hasn't experienced a loss then they don't seem to understand or know what to say...I realize that now and feel bad for the times I tried to comfort others and hope they gave me grace.

Lamentations 3:31-33  “For no one is cast off by the Lord forever.  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.”

Psalm 18:28  “You, Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.”

Matthew 5:4  “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”