Okay on the outside but not on the inside

I sit among you and listen and socialize.
I laugh and smile with you.
I talk and visit like its a good day and life is well.
I hug you and say all is well with me and keep going forward.
I participate in the daily things that take up my day.

Instead I'm tired, so tired that it takes all I have to keep going from moment to moment.
I'm frustrated and irritable
I'd rather just sleep in as long as I can and not be bothered 
or just sit around doing absolutely nothing.

I wrote this this morning sitting in Bible Study.  I haven't felt good the last couple of days and today was really having a hard time with focusing and not feeling the pain that my body insists on running through my whole being right now and not understanding why.  I had been feeling some what better last week but things change day by day and moment to moment.  I try not to think about it but find it hard at times, since I'd rather just curl up into a little ball and shut the world out. 

I enjoyed bible study, got a lot out of it.  From there I ran a few errands then went home.  I made some MOP calls and ate lunch.  Then I went to the gym, with the intentions of working out on some level but instead found myself in the hot tub.  I walk around on auto pilot it seems lately.  I don't like that feeling of being here but not really.

I'm not feeling very upbeat in spirit right now but I'm hanging in there.  I've had several conversations with God today and am very thankful he is there listening to me.  I'm so thankful that I have made Him apart of my life because he can bring good out of all of my frustration and feelings and know that things are fine and will be fine. 

I needed to share and write to get it out of my system.  I feel better getting it all out there.  Now its time to go cook dinner and enjoy the evening with my family before a new day starts tomorrow.