Embracing Change: Finding Joy in Starting Over at 50

 Finding Joy in Starting Over at 50

As I sit here reflecting on the past year, it's hard to believe that it's only been almost a year since I moved into my current home. Despite the relatively short time, it feels like I've been here much longer. My space has become a reflection of who I am, and I've grown to love it dearly. It's my sanctuary, a place that exudes relaxation, coziness, and warmth, welcoming me every time I walk through the door.

But it wasn't always like this. Just a few months ago, I was grappling with the devastation of ending a six-year relationship with Ben. The thought of moving on seemed impossible; I was stuck in a state of shock and didn't want to let go. All I craved was the comfort and security that Ben provided. Starting over at 50 felt daunting, like embarking on a journey with no clear destination in sight.

Yet, here I am now, feeling happier than I have in a long time. The heaviness of emotion that once burdened me has lifted, and the gloomy cloud that hung over my head has dissipated. I no longer feel consumed by sadness or weighed down by the weight of what could have been. Instead, I feel okay—truly okay.

This past year has marked the beginning of a new chapter in the book of my life. It's a chapter filled with self-discovery, growth, and resilience. I've learned that starting over doesn't mean erasing the past; rather, it's about embracing the opportunity for a fresh start, a chance to rewrite the narrative and create a life that brings me joy and fulfillment.

Sure, there have been challenges along the way, moments of doubt and uncertainty. But through it all, I've found strength in knowing that I am capable of navigating this new chapter with grace and courage. And as I continue on this journey of self-renewal, I am filled with hope and excitement for what the future holds.

So here's to embracing change, to finding joy in new beginnings, and to writing the next chapter of my life with intention and purpose. After all, the best stories are often those that begin with a leap of faith and a willingness to embrace the unknown.

Moving Beyond Hurt

A Journey of Healing and Redemption

In life, we often encounter moments of deep hurt and disappointment, especially within the context of our faith communities. For many of us, being wounded by the very institution meant to provide solace and support can be profoundly disheartening. However, there comes a point where we must confront our pain and make a choice: to remain stagnant in our suffering or to embark on a journey of healing and redemption.

I confess that for a long time, I chose the former. It was easier to wallow in my hurt, to blame others for my wounds, and to use past grievances as excuses for my lack of progress. I found comfort in playing the role of the victim, believing it absolved me of responsibility. Yet, deep down, I knew this was not the path to true healing and reconciliation.

The turning point came when I realized that by refusing to confront my pain, I was also distancing myself from my relationship with God. I felt like I had disappointed my heavenly Father, that I had let Him down by allowing bitterness and resentment to consume me. Instead of seeking His forgiveness and surrendering to His love, I withdrew further into my own self-imposed exile.

But God, in His infinite grace, never gave up on me. He gently nudged me to acknowledge my role in perpetuating my own suffering, to stop blaming others, and to take responsibility for my own healing. It was a daunting task, requiring humility, vulnerability, and a willingness to let go of my pride.

Slowly but surely, I began to release the grip of resentment and anger that had held me captive for so long. I reached out to God, not in defiance or half-heartedness, but with genuine surrender and trust. I allowed Him to lead me through the dark corridors of my past, guiding me towards a place of forgiveness and redemption.

It wasn't easy, and there were moments when I faltered and stumbled. But with each step forward, I felt God's presence growing stronger within me, filling the empty spaces where pain had once resided. I realized that my past experiences, painful as they were, had not been in vain. They had shaped me, molded me into someone with the capacity to empathize, to understand the depths of human suffering, and to offer hope to those in need.

Today, I stand before you not as a victim of my past, but as a testament to the power of God's love to heal and transform. I no longer shy away from sharing my story, knowing that it may resonate with others who have walked similar paths. My greatest desire is to be a beacon of hope, to extend a hand to those who are still lost in their pain, and to point them towards the light of God's love.

So if you find yourself trapped in a cycle of hurt and bitterness, I urge you to take that first step towards healing. It may be scary, and it may require you to confront some uncomfortable truths, but I promise you, it is worth it. God is waiting with open arms, ready to embrace you and guide you towards a future filled with hope and redemption. Trust in Him, surrender to His love, and allow Him to lead you out of the darkness and into the light.

A Weekend of Refreshing Retreat

 Finding Solace in Family and Tranquility

This past weekend, I embarked on a journey to Eager, Arizona, to spend time with my mom. After a bustling weekend in Phoenix with my kids and their friends the week prior, I returned home feeling pleasantly exhausted but invigorated by the memories made. However, this weekend held a different energy - one of tranquility and rejuvenation.

Arriving at my mom's home, I immediately felt a sense of calm wash over me. The wind howled outside, but within the walls of her cozy abode, there was a serene stillness that embraced us. We decided to take it easy and indulge in simple pleasures.

Together, my mom and I delved into old memories, sifting through cherished belongings and reminiscing about times gone by. We also ventured out to explore quaint local shops filled with unique gifts and antiques, immersing ourselves in the charm of small-town treasures.

In the company of my mom and step-dad, we shared laughter and stories over drinks and dinner, cherishing each moment of togetherness. One evening, my mom and I embarked on our own version of a wine and paint night, letting our creativity flow freely onto canvases as we bonded over shared passions.

But amidst the leisurely activities, there was a deeper purpose to my visit. My mom has been grappling with the emotional strain of having to put my grandmother in hospice care, and I knew that my presence would bring her comfort during this challenging time.

Spending these precious moments with my mom was not only a gift to her but also a gift to myself. Despite a busy week awaiting me upon my return, the opportunity to connect with family and offer support proved to be invaluable.

As I reflect on this weekend retreat, I am reminded of the healing power of love, laughter, and quality time spent with loved ones. Sometimes, amidst life's chaos, all we need is a moment of respite in the embrace of family to restore our spirits and nourish our souls.

Embracing the Good Tired

Finding Gratitude in Exhaustion

There’s a unique kind of exhaustion that comes from a weekend filled with family, laughter, and joy. It’s the kind of tiredness that settles deep into your bones but brings with it a sense of fulfillment and warmth. Yet, when that good tired feeling collides with the weariness of a long day at work, it can leave you feeling utterly drained.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. A marathon board meeting stretched from mid-afternoon well into the evening, leaving me physically and mentally spent. As I finally left the office, the fatigue weighed heavily on me, casting a shadow over any plans I had for the evening.

Knowing I lacked the energy to cook a healthy meal, I made a pit stop at Oreganos, where I found solace in a hearty dinner and a glass of wine at the bar. Amidst the clatter of plates and murmurs of conversations, a call from my best friend provided a welcome reprieve. Even in the midst of exhaustion, those moments of connection are like gentle reminders of the love and support that surround us.

Home at last, I traded business attire for cozy pajamas, sinking into the familiar comfort of my couch. With a few mindless shows playing in the background, I let the day's stress melt away, surrendering to the embrace of sleep by 9:00 PM.

This morning, as I reluctantly peeled myself from the warmth of my bed, every muscle protested with soreness, and the weight of fatigue lingered. Yet, despite the heaviness of exhaustion, there was a quiet resilience within me. Each day brings its challenges, but as I reflect on the cherished moments of the weekend past, I find myself buoyed by gratitude and a renewed sense of purpose.

It’s moments like these that remind us of the beauty in life's ebb and flow. Yes, there will be days when exhaustion threatens to consume us, when the demands of work leave us feeling drained to our very core. But intertwined with those challenges are moments of laughter, connection, and love that sustain us through even the toughest of times.

So, as I prepare to face another day of work, I do so with a heart filled with gratitude for the weekends that recharge my spirit and the resilience that allows me to press on, one step at a time. For in the midst of exhaustion lies the beauty of being alive, of experiencing the full spectrum of emotions, and of finding joy even in the weariness of it all.

Joy in February Moments

Finding Joy in February Moments

February has been a month of simple pleasures and cherished moments. 

Finishing a book brought a sense of accomplishment, and I've relished the quiet pause before starting a new literary adventure. My kitchen counter has become a canvas for seasonal decorations, like the Valentine's Day arrangement that added a touch of charm to my home.

Valentine's Day was a celebration of self-love, marked by cozy indulgence with wine, chocolate cake, and a feel-good movie. Now, as I prepare to celebrate my son's 24th birthday and look forward to my daughter's bridal shower, I'm reminded of the joy found in moments shared with loved ones.

In embracing the present, I've discovered that life's beauty lies in the simplicity of everyday experiences. As February comes to a close, I eagerly anticipate the opportunities for growth, creativity, and connection that lie ahead.

My ex-husband Scott surprised me with a treat for Valentine's Day! It was very thoughtful and yummy!

My cozy Valentine's evening

A Journey of Renewal: Nurturing My Relationship with Jesus

As I drove into work this morning, the sky painted a breathtaking canvas of deep orange melting into a soft pink, signaling the birth of a new day. With worship music filling the air, I found myself enveloped in a sense of tranquility, setting the tone for a day filled with positivity and renewal.

Amidst this serenity, a thought struck me like a gentle whisper: "I do not want to let anyone come between me and my relationship with Jesus." It was a realization tinged with both sadness and determination. I reflected on how, despite my efforts to maintain a connection with the Lord, I often found myself navigating life's challenges without fully leaning on Him, leaving me feeling weary and drained.

But in that moment, a newfound clarity emerged—I yearned to deepen my relationship with Jesus, to surrender myself fully to His guidance and grace. And so, I embarked on a journey of spiritual renewal, guided by a desire to reclaim the profound sense of peace and purpose that comes from walking alongside Him.

One of the first steps I took was returning to church, guided by the gentle encouragement of a friend from work. The moment I stepped through the doors, I felt a sense of belonging and renewal wash over me. Though I've only attended twice, each visit leaves me feeling refreshed, invigorated, and filled with a newfound sense of excitement.

Reconnecting with my faith has been a profound experience—one that has reignited my spirit and filled me with a sense of purpose. Through prayer, worship, and fellowship with fellow believers, I am rediscovering the joy of walking hand in hand with Jesus, allowing His love to illuminate every aspect of my life.

As I continue on this journey of spiritual renewal, I am filled with gratitude for the opportunity to deepen my relationship with Jesus. With each step forward, I am reminded that His love is a beacon of hope, guiding me through life's twists and turns with unwavering grace and compassion.

In the embrace of His love, I find solace, strength, and the courage to embrace each new day with a heart full of faith and gratitude. And as I look to the future, I do so with renewed conviction, knowing that with Jesus by my side, I am never alone.

Embracing new beginnings

 A Journey of Healing and Self-Discovery

Life is a series of chapters, each one marked by moments of joy, sorrow, and profound change. As we navigate the twists and turns of our journey, we inevitably encounter times when the familiar path gives way to the unknown, forcing us to summon the courage to begin again.

For me, the past year has been a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the power of perseverance in the face of adversity. Last July, my world was shattered when my long-term relationship with Ben came to an abrupt and unexpected end. Six years of shared dreams and cherished memories crumbled before my eyes, leaving me grappling with heartache and uncertainty.

In the aftermath of our breakup, I found myself confronting the daunting prospect of starting anew at 50, alone and unsure of what the future held. The road ahead seemed insurmountable, and the weight of my newfound solitude felt suffocating. I wondered how I would find the strength to rebuild my life from the ground up, how I would afford to pay rent and navigate the challenges of living independently once more.

Yet, in the midst of my darkest hour, I discovered that I was not alone. With unwavering love and support, my brother and his wife extended a helping hand, offering me a lifeline when I needed it most. With their assistance, I found the courage to take the first steps toward reclaiming my independence, moving into my own place last September.

The journey since then has been one of profound transformation and self-discovery. Though the road has been fraught with emotional upheaval and moments of doubt, I have persisted, drawing strength from the resilience within me and the unwavering support of loved ones. Each day brings new opportunities for growth and healing, as I gradually piece together the fragments of my shattered heart and embrace the beauty of newfound independence.

As I reflect on the journey that has brought me to this moment, I am filled with a sense of gratitude for the resilience that resides within me and the boundless capacity for growth and renewal that exists within us all. Though the path forward may be uncertain, I am filled with a renewed sense of hope and determination to embrace whatever lies ahead with courage and grace.

In the end, it is not the trials we face or the obstacles we overcome that define us, but rather the strength and resilience with which we rise to meet them. And so, as I stand on the precipice of a new beginning, I do so with a heart full of gratitude and a spirit emboldened by the knowledge that, no matter what challenges may come my way, I possess within me, only with the help of the Lord, the power to forge my own path and create a life filled with love, joy, and endless possibility.